October 2013 - Are we neary *there* yet?!

[MrsHoratioNelson]

Welcome, welcome, sit down, put your feet up.

Spreadsheet here

Indeed my mum said "you are a steig person you'll get through this, it's not the end of the world"

I feel I'm not ready to walk away just yet, however if things don't improve I will most definitely leave....

He says if I go snooping through his things I will find stuff that I can put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5...

I hope his parents find out he would be most embarrassed.

I have no worries about his fathering abilities I know he'll be a hands on doting dad and will be fully involved whether we are together or not. I'm just hoping (probably sounds totally silly) that when this child comes along it gives him a reality check on what he has to loose!

Strong not steig! Bloody phone

I know it's totally different, as there was no child involved, but getting divorced was one of the hardest things I ever had to do; I was embarrassed, angry, hurt and felt like an absolute failure.
However, it was the best thing for me too. And the right thing. It's made me who I am and I had to confront lots of stuff that I didn't want to, and I'm a stronger person as a result.

Either way, I hope he does wake up to all he has and starts treating you with the respect you deserve, Flyer x

Sorry I've totally hijacked the thread with my relationship issues....My life is like some Jeremy Kyle show.

I do believe people get their comeuppance in life and that old saying "what goes around comes around is very true" and he is blimin lucky to have me I'm a good catch for him

Sorry you ladies are having a tough time with ur dps. Its a very strange time isn't it. I don't think either me or dp realised quite what a big shock having a baby would be (and we still don't now as he's not even here yet!!) and like you say maybe they are just acting out at the impending change and responsibilty, still no excuse though!!

I'm currently at work and have done barely any work at all. This is my last week and I have 0 motivation!!!

Flyer it seems you have been dealing with this for a long time and thought about it in detail, I am sorry you have been feeling so low.
I agree financial ties are no reason to stay together and it sounds like you have a very supportive family. I really hope you can work it out if that is what you want. Does your partner know just how serious the situation is and how you feel? Or does he think everything is fine now?

I listened to the natal hypnotherapy CD and fell asleep so I suppose it is very good at getting me to relax! I am not convinced that labour can be pleasurable but I really hope it helps me be calm. When I was in hospital before my temperature and blood pressure shot up and I was in a lot more pain and I am sure it was because I was anxious and on my own in a horrible place.

Sorry you guys having a tough time, sending you both hugs and .

Just to change topic completely I have just managed to drop my belt down the loo, thankfully before I had been and I noticed in time. Thats how to end a morning of cleaning, spewing and thinking going to have the runs for me. Time to sit and chill now while ds and DH nap and dd is at school.

Can sickness return in third trimester? That's day 2 now and rest of house seems healthy

Jelly I have been sick but just where you are a bit sick in your mouth and can swallow it (sorry tmi) several times this week and someone else mentioned being sick yesterday (or was it you?! I lose track...)

Oh dear at least you had a clean toilet to pick it out of!

sorry for sharing my Jeremy kyle issues first flyer Hope your ok. Im so glad youve got your family to talk to as well and part of me wishes Id thrown his phone out of the window last night now. I think its great that your trying to sort it out and thats what I hope to do too depending on what happens next I guess.
Like your DP my inlaws would be absolutely mortified by what my DH is doing and turns out this girl is someone he knows through his mums church not school
DH seems to know something is wrong and has been extra loving but want to hit him everytime he comes near me. just trying to wait till DS is in bed incase conversation escalates but we will see.

orange tht is exactly why didnt want to tell anyone yet dont want other people to still remember this after hopefully all is forgotten here. Felt very isolated and alone last night but feel much better for hearing all of your advice and own stories.

I also thought last night that I am about to be the mother of a little girl and has made me feel very strongly about not being taken for a ride.

jelly my sickness has also returned but is generally like my morning sickness was in first trimester so.not all day. Hope your ok, horrible being ill when you have other children to look after

Sending hugs to p-buttons and flyer. Life really isn't simple especially when babies and children are involved, I really hope you both find the soloution that is right for you and little ones .

Jelly I've been sick a few times too, last week in the middle of dinner at the table, I couldn't move but managed to shout for a bowl. Also, like you orange I get the bike/puke in the mouth but several times a day. Really disgusting.

Having a really bad day, really tearful and cannot do this anymore :( I'm feeling terrible.

pinkbuttons I'm sorry you weren't subjected to my "advice service",I'm sure you don't feel you missed out!! I did write a long reply about how it doesn't seem your husband is abusive,"just" stupid & inappropriate but my connection dropped out & ate it. I wonder if it would help you to choose a trusted close friend to whom you could talk & trust to keep quiet & not judge him or your marriage long term.

I hope you're ok,you're doing well to stay so collected & calm even though you really want to smack him. I'll be thinking of you.later & hope that you are both able to discuss it fully & that he admits culpability & takes responsibility for his actions & grovels for your forgiveness.xx

Orange DP knows how i'm thinking and feeling and when I discuss it he simply says he doesn't want me to go. Crunch time was this weekend and he has promised no more funny business. I really want to believe this is going to be the case although as you can imagine it will take me sometime to believe it and trust him.

He does have good points though, I feel as though i've painted him to be a total twat, he can be very loving and sweet. It's just since all this happened things seem to spiralled out of control and he is not the same person I met. I'm just hoping it's a blip but by no means am I blinded by what he has done.

Pinkbuttons and flyer I have no advice for you, only sympathy and support. What an awful way to feel at a very vulnerable time.

I have also been feeling sick for the last few days, especially today. This morning I almost vomited and then I would have had to call in sick but I held it in bc I was afraid they'd start my mat leave early. Sorry for the gross tmi but how sad is that? Now I'm at my desk trying not to fall asleep. I'm blaming a change in the weather.

I ordered the natal hypnotherapy cd by Maggie Howell today. Has anyone tried it? I hope it works.

Jelly I have been having the sickness again and loose bowls not fun!

Pregnant ladies should not do the weekly food shop while hungry got home and realised all i bought was junk haagen dazs, crisps, chocolate... will wait till DH is off before i attempt to shop again!

Pink you are doing so so well keeping your cool. I wish I could be more like this, I see red and literally want to rip his head off! The best thing is to remain calm and rational as it will also make him feel even more guilty if you do.

That's the CD I've got Ana but a bit early to tell how good it is at the moment.

I am just trying to order a canvas to go above our bed and looking back at wedding/ honeymoon photos. I have changed so much in a year! You don't quite notice as it happens a little every day.

Oh good orange. I'm glad someone else is trying the same stuff as me. Six months ago I wouldn't have been caught dead buying something about hypnosis. Oh, how pregnancy changes us!

I know ana, I wish it didn't have the work hypnotherapy in it! But it is not about waving a pendulum in front of your eyes and making you cluck like a chicken which is what I think if with hypnotherapy and I have seen lots of reccomendations for it so will give it a go.

haha thankyou tucking didnt feel left out feel very greatful for all the advice, will definitely confide in someone if this afternoon doesnt go to plan...

am afraid its only because im.not great at the shouting confrontation flyer I end up just crying and want him to know Im serious and he cant just give me a hug and be done with it.

gave him a chance over lunch multiple times to be honest with me, he acused me of being a moody arse so didnt wait. Have just text him a picture of one of the more explicit texts. part of me wants to laugh at the thought of the look on his face when he reads it.

So sorry your feeling so rubbish tarlia is your consultant appt tomorrow? really hope they can give you a date and you can start countdown. are you still on bed rest at the moment?

I'm really sorry to hear about your ohs pink and flyer from reading the relationships board (why do I do it? I just get nightmares!) it does seem alarmingly common for pregnancy or early parenthood to trigger stupid behaviour amongst menfolk. Like clapham says its sickening, it's just when women need (and deserve) the most support, after all who got us in this place? I've become horribly insecure and last week demanded to know why there were chopsticks in the glove compartment, I was convinced DH must have taken someone out for dinner, until he gently reminded me I'd got them when I had my m&s sushi back in England. Point is, pregnancy is a really hormonal time and it must feel horrible to be faced with situations it's hard to handle at the best of times.

flyer I'm really ashamed of this but I had an 'indiscretion' a couple of years into our relationship, it was the most painful time of my life. It got about as far as yours did, but seeing the pain DH went through and knowing it was my fault broke my heart. It was so hard working through it but part of the recovery was an agreement by DH that once he had forgiven me, it wouldn't be brought up again. He is a much much bigger person than me, and has stayed true to his word and never mentioned it. Of course there have been times I could tell he was thinking about it, especially before we got married, but he made the decision to forgive me (thankfully) and move on. If he couldn't have forgiven me, no matter how much it hurt, he would have left and that would have been the right thing.

Of course your dp must be hurting but he needs to choose whether to forgive you or not, and all this behaviour that started with him finding out is childish revenge behaviour. It must be so so hard for you at the moment, have you thought about counselling together? Sending lots of hugs and and please don't think you're a bad person at all xx

pink maybe having some distance between you is best if you don't think you can have the discussion face to face. Have you got any RL support? I wish I could give you a hug. I'm no expert, but on the relationships board they always advise that one person move out for a bit to get some space and have a chance to realise what they are jeapordising, would that be an option for you? So sorry you're going through this, for you too.

I thought I'd had a rubbish day having had the "you're really fat" "no I'm not I'm pregnant" argument with the gynaecologist again, but things are put into perspective. (Over 3 stone weight gain now which gynaecologist thinks is the cause of the swollen ankles and fingers, although nothing else is swollen apart from my arse)

and for those of you having a tough time. I hope everything works out for you

Thanks Umlauf. DP said very little at first, didn't shout or get mad was just really dissapointed. He said he lost respect for me after he found out. There was a time when all he did is brag about me to people (they'd meet me and tell me) and after this he changed, understandably. I think it was worse as it was an ex and I feel he has always felt a tad inferior to him, although he has no reason to, but he is a pilot a looker and a charmer too and I think dp has been insecure about him in the past. I once caught dp googling 'How to become a pilot" I felt shit about what I did too, a total cow.

Anyway not going to say anymore now and just hope my october bus fellow crew wish me all the best and fx I can move on from all this mess. Thanks xx

And Pink i hope things go as best as they can tonight with DH will be thinking of you chick xx

Umaulf that's awful - it's far more likely that the weight gain is due to the water retention which shows as swelling, than be other way round!! How atrocious :(