August 2013 - Part 4 - Half way there already!

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Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1678178-August-2013-Part-3-Adventures-in-the-second-trimester

Stats thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1655004-Due-August-2013-Stats-Thread

We have picked name and told a few people mainly close family. Was hoping to say it out loud would kick start some emotion on my part but so far no banana. I am feeling her move a lot more now but still feeling totally disconnected from everything that is happening. I have been out with mil and dp and bought clothes etc but it still feel completly alien. I don't feel excited or scared. I don't feel worrie or anything. i just feel completely numb to it all.

I feel her move but there is just nothing emotionally there. I spoke to mw at my scan and she didn't really say much but filled in some alert paperwork. Dp knows as does my mum but not spoken to Gp yet...due to see this week so will mention...does anyone else feel like they ate just going thru the motions?

Hey ruck, how far along are you again?

Hello CheeseTMouse, what does the T stand for? :)

babyH, me.

foof glad i am not the only one!! Just feels like it is happening to someone else i am being dragged along for the ride. I.expected to feel something when i felt her move but nothing and then when we found out what we were having but still nothing. I feel like such a failure for feeling like this. I was told for 17 yrs that i would never get pg without help and took decision not to have medical intervention. So being pg at all is a bloody miracle. I know i am so lucky and that there are hundreds of ppl ttc who would kill to be in my position. I have been trying not to think about it all and let things develop but nothing is changing and am worried it never will.

We have our names picked out (had them for years so hoping we don't change our minds). We are very definitely keeping them a secret, I'm not interested in negative opinions friends and family may have!

We are waiting to hear about hypnobirthing classes. We will hopefully be on a course at the end of April, if not it will be 6 weeks after as the classes run for 5 weeks.

Just got our first real nappies today! Some little lambs which were on special offer. Need loads more, but going to try different brands. Everybody is trying to put us off them, but we're very keen to go ahead now.

23+1 now (after midnight now...)

BabyH you've done the right thing mentioning it to the midwife, they can try and help.

Went swimming last night for the first time in a long time. Used to swim 3 times a week for over an hour each time but had to stop when my BP was so low it was dangerous. Only managed 20 minutes but it's better than nothing

ruck i just feel like it was dismissed. The mw at hospital was someone i know but she never did a word. Can't get in to see my own mw cos she only works 2 days a week. Gonna try and ring surgery and ask her to ring me and see if she can squeeze me in. Am seeing my GP later this week so will talk to them too.

Well done on the swimming. 20mins was about all i could manage the other week. Haven't tried since as need to get a maternity costume cos mine has gone secret support and she was objecting wildly at it!

babyh - agree you're doing the right thing talking to mw / gp about it - hopefully one of them will do something for you as it seems you're asking for help. Please try not to put too much pressure on yourself, just because you TTC for so long doesn't mean you're instantly going to bond with this baby. With DS I was TTC for ages and he was 3rd IVF, always thought life would be sorted once it actually 'happened' but I had real trouble bonding with him- looking back i think its the amount of pressure i put myself under - because we had to go through so much it felt like I should be 'perfect mum' and everything would just happen in a nice smiley bubble - have since found out life isn't like that. some people bond with their bumps, some don't - same with the babies once their born, with DS it was definitely a gradual bond rather than a straight away 'bam' thing when he was born (which I was expecting). you sound very anxious too which pregnancy can make worse - try to be gentle with yourself :)

DS is back at nursery tomorrow (hurrah!) and will now be doing 3 days a week 9-3 as his funding has kicked in. Really looking forward to some 'me' time and to finally sorting this house out! Feels like I'm getting mat leave early (well for 3 days a week anyway lol)

Also need to get back into the swimming, however i find it really exacerbates indigestion.. anyone else find that?!?

24+1 (I shall just say that the once Ruck

BabyH, I wonder if it's because we had "grieved" over the fact we weren't going to be parents/parents again? I ttc for 5 yrs with exH, diagnosed with unexplained secondary infertility, referred for IVF etc then got unexpectedly pregnant last year which was coming to terms with when found out was a MMC, then 6 months on pregnant again.

I'm finding it very hard to let all those emotions back out of that box that I shut them into, for self protection I suppose.

i don't know if speaking to my MW would help, I wouldn't even know where to start talking about how I feel.

Welcome Cheese

I've not been feeling excited but baby's been doing the making things on my belly move trick which is a lot of fun, she even gave poor DD a whack when she was curled up on me the other afternoon. Poor thing was fast asleep, woke up and goes 'what was that? Mummy's tummy kicked me!'

Gary DD was 2 last November, it still freaks me out that clothes she got last summer will also see her through this summer. She's tall and fine boned like her Dad so she's still in 12-18m skirts/shorts.

Nowhere close to having names picked out yet!

Hi everyone, been lurking here and on fb.

We've started making a list of names, but there isn't much on it yet! We had such trouble choosing a name for DD, and now we have to do it all over again but we have two less names to choose from! And this time we have to think of boy names too, as we don't know what we're having. We'll have narrowed it down to a couple of each, and when baby is born we'll decide.

A former colleague suggested "Mirabel" for DD. (Apologies to any Mirabels or parents of Mirabels.) I am the least frilly person in the world, I don't know why she thought I'd like that!

BabyH Do you think maybe you've got so used to switching yourself off to all the baby-related emotions, that you're struggling to allow yourself to get excited? I find that if I have something coming up which would normally be something to get excited about, I can't let myself, as the disappointment if it falls through will be just too hard to bear. I hope you can talk to another midwife and get a more helpful response.

I have started thinking about my hospital bag, and that it might not be a bad idea to have some stuff ready. I hadn't heard about the lady on the July thread until now, but that just confirms that I really ought to start getting stuff together. I know we're all around viability date. I think I'd better pay a visit to Boots soon.

Anyone planning on taking anything unusual to the hospital? I'm collecting sugar sachets every time I go into a coffee shop etc, as when I was in having DD the lovely staff kept bringing me cups of tea but forgetting to put sugar in. I can force a cup down out of politeness if I have to, but I need sugar in my tea.

A lot of food MrsPennyApple and the number for papajohns The food in my maternity hospital is so dire and has to be ordered so if you change wards during the day all you get is a dry triangle sandwich.

I am still undecided about birth options, I can't see me escaping a hospital stay though so I'm thinking I may as well opt for induction/elcs if spd gets reeaaallly bad and then at least I can plan for it. Our childcare options for DD are just about non-existent, I would rather DP stay with her than she go to GPs if overnight.

Hello All

I think we have the names sorted - need something unusual as have exotic surname. My DH is nigerian and there is pressure to name this DD after family members - but as the main name we want is hugely popular, I have put my foot down so having as middle name as a compromise.

Anyone got experience of gestational diabetes as I had to have a test today - very worried as consulted dr google! Am worried as good chance of me having an early baby anyway and now this.....

I was thinking I should get my bag packed soon! Anyone feel that they are huge and have no room due to tight tummy? Lots of kicking now which makes things more real.

I've got a first name sorted, it's nice to talk to him with a real name.... I'm still too overwhelmed by the ongoing Hyperemesis and husband going issues, financial concerns etc to feel much of a bond yet. I am sure that will change when he arrives.

I have put an antenatal hospital bag to good use already, having had 7 in patient admissions of 3 nights average at a time! However, I think in the next few weeks I'll try to put a real bag together.

25 weeks

foof & mrspenny maybe you have a point. I think that combined with the will this new relationship last the distance (with him 4 months when found out was opg) and the fact my life has changed dramatically in the last year all has its part to play. I have always distance myself from baby stuff and dealt with not having kids when i was still a teenager sogless after locking it away for ao long its hard to go there. Plus i struggle emotionally anyways so tend to keep them in tight check.

Am tying to get hold of my normal mw and Gp to try and get sick not extended

We thought we had a name sorted til someone told us about a film... Has anyone else heard of the Exorcism of Emily Rose?
I'm feeling huge and tummy is sooooo tight I'm worried there's nowhere for her to grow! Also getting odd 'tight' cramps once or twice a day. Is that Braxton Hicks? Paranoid she's planning on an über early appearance now. MW appt tomorrow so can check some stuff there (like is my belly too big and are the pains I'm feeling in my groin PGP or not...)
Was planning to pack bag in early July but starting to wonder now.

My bags packed.

I think having a chat with your gp in bullet points will help to get you a referal to a councillor - where you can spend longer with them and have a structured approach to unpicking your fears and feelings. Or failing that, go private. You might find that an hour is the best hour you've had!!
What does your oh say? Have you spoke to your mum? Sister? Or do you feel that you'd be dismissed.

I have to say I'm heart on my sleeve - and I tell people how I am not enjoying this one bit. And if this is pregnancy then I'm not doing it again!! Waves I think I would have begged to be sedated for the entire term if I was as bad as you.
And people say "it will be worth it in the end." Will it?? Being a parent is hard work.

On fb we have been discussing the ridiculous operation house improvements that are planned - dh has just briefed me on how complicated boarding the loft is going to be. And that painting the nursery must come first. Dispite being unable to get into said room for items which need to go in the loft. FFS.

Rant over

20+ 4

woofers tried counselling before and was a waste of time unfortunately but may have to give it a try if they refer me to a different place. Have spoken to my mum but just get told it will come in time. My sister is tied up with wedding planning.

muddy i wasn't ttc!! 17 yrs was told would never happen so never bothered. Baby is a result of moving in together sex...all got a bit carried away...no protection and apparently for the first time in my life i produced a viable egg. No one is more shocked than me!!

Part of it is everyone's expectations that i must be elated etc. My respiratory consultant hugged me when i went in 2 week ago. He is insisting that i take baby with me to next appt (she will be 4weeks old) so he can have cuddles! I guess i am still in shock.

I don't know how loud i have to shout for help before medical profession take notice!

babyhmummy - oh, in which case it sounds like you had resolved to not have any children so have lived your life not expecting to have any. So it must be hard to get your head around all of that and it doesn't feel real?? i am sorry to say when I went to gp with depression and anxiety last year (due to 2 mmc's and years of infertility treatment etc) the NHS counselling service were crap. They basically did a telephone consultation to ascertain how bad I was, I was then told they couldn't really help and I was told to look up the miscarriage association on the internet to find my own counsellor. Not saying this is what will happen to you but I had private counselling in the end (from my fertility clinic) and it was the best thing I could have done. I am feeling a lot more 'together' than I was this time last year (when I felt like I was going through a breakdown). i don't want you to not seek help but the waiting list for the telephone consultation with NHS was 12 wks so doc put me on anti-d's while I waited, so if you have the money and feel like you need something sooner then i would def go for private. i know you said it didn't help last time but I really believe talking through your feelings with a non-judgemental person that actually listens to you can make a lot of difference. GP is probably better to ask for that kind of help - and do be direct (if you haven't done already) - 'I want to see a counsellor'.

woofers - hmm not the best thing when you just want to feel settled and prepared for baby coming. Hope DH can pull it all together in time! And don't worry, whilst being a parent is hard work it is def worth it although you wont' feel like that sometimes!

Remembering - i like the name Emily - could you just change the second name??

stiggley - yes to feeling hug here and tight, glad it sounds normal if remembering also has this, it's feeling quite uncomfortable at times - hoping it's just a growing phase and will have some relief from it at least for a few days.

DH has had to take some clients out for drinks and dinner tonight which means I can't go to my antenatal pilates class so not very impressed... I know it can't be helped but it doesn't make me feel any better when it's the only 'me' time I get at the moment. DS is still suffering with diarrhea so not sure if i can send him to nursery tomorrow - he's fine otherwise (i.e. full of energy!!)

Thank you for the welcomes.

Foof - I was struggling for a pseudonym and the T stands for nothing more than "the"!

On names, we have a list, but getting nowhere as husband won't yet confess his favourites.

Muddy - I understand on being frustrated when missing exercise. I'm now too big to row and it's only been 2 weeks but I'm properly missing it. Especially now it's decent weather...

Thanks muddy will look into what is available. And yeah had definitely adjusted to the whole not ever having kids thing. Will speak to Gp as soon as i can get an appt and see where i conform there. Last time our nhs was quite quick but due to other issues...mostly work i had to want for someone who could do late appt as work wouldn't let me have time off so hopefully shouldn't be too long. I would rather avoid anti depressants if i can. Been on and off them for years and only one i know for sure is safe in pg is citralopram which i have had before and made me really ill. The only oned that have really worked for me are diazepam and lofepramine but i don't think i cam take while pg. They all numb me to everything though...

They also kill my sex drive and apart from pgp causing the odd issue i am quite enjoying that side of being pg :)

Hi all, not posted on here for a while, easier on fb with my phone. My pc is so old and takes ages.
Mrspennyapple - I'm with you, I need 1 & 1/2 sugars in my tea!
Have I missed something re packing hospital bag?!? Not even thought abt that yet!!!
No set name decided but got a few in mind, not telling anyone though x

21 weeks

Name is set for our little man sam james william read. Yay :) cant wait to meet him now. 24+1 :) 15 weeks 6 days to go wooo!

R.e: feeling towards bubs
I have to say that what your all feeling is "normal" at some point in pregnancy women go through an unattached phase. It is just a phase. For women who have had more than one baby will have felt this one time or another. Your life changes so quick in 9 months and in them months you have to deal with untold amount of pregnancy worries (list is endless, i'm afraid). When every mummy says its worth it in the end is telling the truth. That first cuddle after all them months of waiting and pain is undescribable. You get given your baby for the first time and you see two little eyes starring at you, that gaze your longed for. That first cry is pure music to your ears. You check that he or she is all there. You count 5 on each hand and foot hundred times. And then after everything, u bring this tiny little bundle home. Yes its hardwork but that tiny little person is your best friend from that first cuddle. I truly couldnt be without my daughter. I have the words my daughter, my bestfriend, my world tattooed on my back as she is all 3 of them and thousand things more. I know it may seem like a distance away and that these feelings will never come but honestly they truly do.

Xxx

Thanks abbielee i wish it was just a phase but at 22+2 and having known since 5 i haven't felt any different. I haven't felt excited, curious, nothing...

I felt very detached during my first pregnancy, well what I knew of it, pregnancy was so far from my mind I didn't figure it out until 27wks.
Was also a relatively new relationship with a large age-gap, I'd also quit my job and relocated from London to NW when pg without realising it.
My marriage had ended the year before partly because of my unwillingness to have his children but then to find myself pg with DP was such a shock. There was so much uncertainty that I just couldn't summon the enthusiasm to do any prep for DDs arrival until a week before she made her appearance. It did all change when she was here though, I'm very protective of DD and can count on one hand the times I've been away from her more than 2hrs.