May 2013 - roll on 12 weeks!

[DizziDoll]

Thread n2 for those due in May 2013

beaut I feel like the whole world and his dog knows.

We agreed to tell parents and were hoping to keep it quiet until 12 weeks.

*My mother has told anyone she has ever met including texting all her friends while I was on the phone telling her!
*In Laws told BIL ( I'm fine with that he's a lovely guy) and put it on Facebook.

• DH has told his two work colleges and randomly their book keeper, i was quite surprised by that. Although to be fair they have given good info on the local medical set up.

The only person who I've told who hasn't made a public Announcement is my sister who has two kids. She remembers the first trimester worries.

It's actually made me feel really pressurised, next time I won't be telling anyone but my sister until well after 12 weeks.

6+6

littleB if it makes you feel better the first time i told everyone as soon as i found out although that was quite late.With my second i told everyone at 6 weeks.This time we are waiting 12 weeks as i wanted to go by what DP preferred as its his first.Its very hard keeping it to myself though.Hopefully only a few more weeks to go until scan.

8+3

beaut do you know I don't know where to start mainly because his mannerism and behaviour is just so normal to me.
The Hardest has been learning to adapt my language, he would complain I'm using emotive language and he does not understand what I mean or what I want from the conversation.

Accepting that when he seems to be ignoring me ( mon - fri during work he's very distant) he isn't,he is just busy in his head with something else because he can only deal with his life work/family/ social in neat little boxes.

Physical contact on his terms only, he's much much better about this one now.

He struggles to make eye contact, which makes others think he's odd but doesn't bother me. As a result he probably makes more eye contact with me than he has everyone else in his life added up.

In regardless to the pregnancy I realised last night I need to stop jumping ahead and take each step at a time. I.e talk only about the 12 week scan forget the 20 week one for now.
Oh and he absolutely won't be my birth partner, the idea terrifies him being out of his control and me possibily being emotional.

And the general fussy Autism spectrum thing such a food issue ( his made worse by serious childhood illness) funny about clothes would rather by 10 tops the same because he likes how it feels that sort of thing.
It probably sounds much worse than it really is, he's very loving ( when he is in the mood) he understand me better than anyone even myself. He's very forgiven.
He's also very even tempered and gentle. Fantastic with kids too, he'll be a different sort of dad but I truly believe he will be a great one.

The thing that's worked best for us is making sure that he has complete control of his on personal environments and daily life while not trying to control my own. He has his own home office and bedrooms he spare bedroom that he can retreat to when he needs too.
I made it clear to him that he needed to stop fighting the Autism and start embracing it, it's worked well for us.

Oh and he has that high function autistic thing that makes him a genuine real life Genius. He knows everything seriously everything and will come out with bits of info at the most random times that turn out to be quite useful.

Terra our DS will be almost 6 by the time this little one is born.

I wanted them close together but it just never seemed like the right time to start trying...however it will be nice to have DS in full time school next September (he's not going to kindergarten til he's 6) and I can have one on one time with the baby.

We've also talked a lot about adopting an older child with SN (probably Down Syndrome) and given the age of most of the kids we'd probably adopt one who would fill the gap, so to speak.

Wow, Beaut, helpful!

LittleB Sorry for the question.But i just find it all really fascinating.Your DH sounds very similar to DS.The genius thing is what i find most amazing and DS has a scarily good memory.So good i have to watch what i say sometimes He also needs time to work things through in his head he doesnt go off to sleep well.He wont leave the bedroom but i hear him talking himself through his day although he will not involve me in this its something he has to do for himself.

I am glad i asked you.Parents will always worry about their children but your answers reassure me that DS should go on hopefully to be in a good relationship and hold down a good job.Its just hard to know how others see him as his parent i will always probably unneccessarily worry.I hear children being quite cruel to him sometimes and mocking him.He is completely oblivious to this.

That being said DS2 is a complete whirlwind and full of questions.Who knows what our futures hold.See i think way too much

LittleB my DH is a genius too! :) Not autistic though but very very shy. I worry sometimes that people think he's aloof or a jerk or something! He really isn't, just shy.

Beaut there are so many people on the spectrum these days... and so many people touched by it one way or another. People seem so much more understanding than they were even when I was younger. There will be very few things, if any, out of reach for your DS. :)

Anyone suffering low mood? I feel terribly down despite getting everything I've wanted for years - getting pregnant!! I thought I'd be thrilled and beaming constantly. Actually it's quite the opposite, I feel very tearful, anxious, worried and very alone. DH has been incredible snd so happy/excited and doing everything for me. This just makes me feel guilty for being such a miserable snappy cow. Is this a common thing?

It doesn't help that I work freelance so I'm at home a lot alone and have not taken on any work as have been feeling so rough - tiredness and sickness. Just hoping things will improve after 12 weeks when i can talk to friends/family. I've only told mum and sis who are both a long way away.

I've got very high expectations for the second trimester!

pickle I've been having a low day too. Found out my fiancé's sister have been talking negatively about our pregnancy behind our backs and I've just been feeling bloated and uncomfortable today. I have up days and down ones; today is definetly a down one x

watch your hormones pickle. are you ok? do you think you ought to mention it to your MW tomorrow?

beaut only my friend down the road knows! no family or friends but after having to untell everyone with the mc we have had our fingers burnt. I am keen to let the cat out of the bag now after the scan but really, we don't see our friends or families so is no real reason not to wait. wish I saw my friends and family!

boo we had a birthing pool at home in my living room :) MWs cleaned up after themselves and then DH emptied the pool with the hose that sucked the water out into the yard. The MWs bring round a HB kit at 37 weeks and talk you through it and you an get lots of towels and cheap plastic tarpaulin for the floor. After the birth everything gets swept up and dumped in a bin by the MWs while you cuddle youe baby and drink tea! I rented and had cream carpets and you wouldn't have a CLUE that my placenta shot out over the floor In the pool I wasn't very, ahem, messy but you have a sieve and MWs help clean that up too if necessary! Was dead easy, the settee and table needed putting back and then all was fine.

happy to answer ANY questions about HB, am such a fan and researched it so thoroughly for DS. www.homebirth.org.uk is a great website for safety and risks stats.

bunny that's terrible! I just don't understand how people could say anything negative/horrible about a pregnancy. We need plenty of and today! I'm going to curl up with my duvet and watch Baby Boom, which is one of my fave films!

PickleP Definitely normal.It really is your hormones.My DP was a dream over the weekend but i was absolutely itching for a fight.Go figure.I cried at X factor(i hate X factor) and i really wouldnt shut up about the trapped nerve ive suddenly got in my shoulder.But it hurts sooo bad.Unfortunately your hormones will cause up days
and down days throughout pregnancy.Sorry.

Bunnychan It must be the day for annoying sisters/Sils.I feel bloated and im sure my face is looking chubby

wilde I will def mention to my mw tomorrow, DH seems to think I'm no different to when I'm suffering PMT! I think it's the expectation of how I thought I'd feel and how i actually feel that's been hard to process. As a newbie I had no idea how hard the first 12 weeks would be, everyone I know seemed to sail through it, whereas I'm finding it difficult.

Hoping to have a HB do it's nice to hear your positive experience :-)

Thanks Beaut, I cried at Xfactor too and like you I hate it! And constantly snapping at DH, then feeling guilty and upset about it. Hormones are a bitch!!!

PickleP i think lots struggle during the first 12 weeks but as many don't tell until after there scan you don't hear all the not so nice bits.Ms sucks i drank ginger beer which helped somewhat during previous pregancies.With DS1 it lasted until week 12 with DS2 it continued mildly throughout.Heartburn was really bad with both and i drank gaviscon from about 16 weeks onwards.

I was so unhappy during my first pregnancy (relationship problems) and i didn't have the greatest birth.I still think it all contributed.You need to look after yourself and treat yourself.Do mention it to your mw there is such a thing as pre natal depression as well.I am in no way saying you have it just thought it would be good for you to know it exists.

The first 12 weeks are always the hardest.So many questions,so much worrying.That first scan takes away a lot of the anxities.Have some and put your feet up.

beaut don't worry I don't mind asking questions plus all to often I hear on MN when anyones husband is behaving like an arse " he sounds autistic...leave him" when my DH would never treat me so badly.
I get that parents must worry about their autistic kids but honestly many are in good jobs and relationships.

cheerful oh yes I'm betting there are many people who think DH is a jerk because they misinterpreted his reaction/behaviour. Just as well he's oblivious to it all.
It actually makes me feel very protective of him.

wild did you buy a birth pool or rent? I'm not sure what to do but DH is concerned about hygiene of renting a Birth pool.

bunny that's awful, people need to mind their own business. However we won't be telling our parents for a couple of weeks yet, and we don't want it to be public knowledge at all. DS has muscular dystrophy, and any subsequent baby has a risk of having it too. We're not stupid, we've weighed up the risks and we're happy to have more children, unfortunately most people thought we wanted their opinions when i was pregnant with DD, there are still people who even came to our wedding that won't speak to us because we had another child.

beaut I get the "so why's your 4yo in a buggy?" refusal to walk outside, and no concept of danger And "well it must be your parenting skills" yes that will be why older dd is well behaved followed by "have you tried..." um do I look stupid?
I am holding of telling people that I'm pregnant for as long as I can, although I swear I have a small 3rd dc bump, but some people I won't tell, they can speculate all they want. As I don't need the "you'll have your hands full" comments.

Seriously frus?! People have the bloody nerve to comment about your parenting skills??! that would make me want to punch them so mad.

seven That's awful how dare they treat you that way!

frustrated not quite the same thing but the one thing I am glad that I have mentally prepared for is that totally strangers thinking they have the right to have an opinion or pass judgement on how you raise kids. Like they would know better after a 2o second observation.

thunder oh it starts right from the beginning from the
'oh that baby isn't wearing socks...' no it's bloody heat wave and baby is hot I'm not risking boil in the bag syndrome.
or ' why hasn't the baby got a hat on" because I've put it on at least 20 times in the last 30 minutes and it keeps taking it off!
Or the 'are you going to cut up their grapes" Nope the children are bloody 3,4 and 5!

My sister says it starts in pregnancy with the faces every time you eat something that's 'banned' or so much as stand within 5 foot of alcohol.

Luckly 10 years of nannying has helped me prefect my DEATHSTARE. I will start practicing for when people try to assult touch my bump.

thunder the parenting skills one was from my mum. Closely followed by "why have you got children you're not maternal" ?! but take after you then

Oh yes littleb the socks one is mental, socks, shoes, hats, mits, sun shades, coats, vests, etc etc. can't please everyone all the time.

well the MW appt. was rather uneventful. Non man being here was odd. Especially at first. But think it got easier. Did have a few awkward brushing of the hands though and knee touching while watching telly. Then there was the slight thing of me falling asleep on him. But am sure that now we have done it once it will get easier.

As for telling people. I had to tell my best mate because she has asked me to be maid of honour at her wedding and thought she should know. Sort of dreading telling family though. Though am sure they will be fine (apart from telling me to move back up north) But at least we are both catholic. Getting knock up out of wedlock is one thing to a prod would be something else entirely :)

fascinated by all this home birth stuff. would never do it myself but fascinated all the same

bunny some people are just beyond

and hello terracotta

seven can I ask what type MD your DS has?

sorry hooya my thought are with you

I've had 'growing pains' in my legs and arms all day - anyone know if it is something pregnancy related or just my body being weird?

Thanks littleb, the trouble is DH works in a pub, as people drink more they share their opinions. He even overheard someone say we should have had DS aborted .