Due in October 2012 Part 6 - Third Trimester Trials and Tribulations

[YompingJo]

Shiny new thread!

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So sorry for all the typos. I can't work this phone. Forgive me for my rubbishness!

Quick update...
Went back to midwife today, who was v nice, baby's heartbeat sounding normal and regular again. Felt slightly silly but glad I went as also feel much less anxious again now.

Just a quick one, as I should be getting ready for work...

CWest, glad the move went well, hope you got a bit more support from DP. How's that all going? Shit about the house falling through though. What is it with everyone's housing problems at the moment?! Must be something in the water. Something better will come along soon I'm sure.

You must be very relieved, Smiley, I'm for you. Don't feel silly about it, that's what they're there for.

Oh, Yomping, please tell your DP why you cancelled. Not only will it stop him being angry at you (which is probably making you feel worse), but I'm sure he'll have some great, honest things to say about you and your body to make you feel much better
My cellulite has greatly increased recently, even though my size hasn't much, it's spread down the back of my thighs. I read somewhere on the oracle that is Mumsnet that this can be a pregnancy symptom and it will get better after the birth. In the meantime I'm trying very hard to ignore it.

There are so many pregnancy ups and downs. This is just a temporary down, another up is right around the corner. 10 weeks is nothing, think how far we've come!
Also, I agree with Bella that your pregnant friend will totally understand and will probably be feeling exactly the same in a few weeks.

Keep waddling on everyone!

Oh and, at "come round and bump slap you" MidgetM!

Thanks also for your nice comment, Bella. I'm not always positive and upbeat, just ask my long-suffering DH! But I do feel I've been incredibly lucky and have had it very easy so far in this pregnancy, so I'm counting my blessings

Morning all. Apologies in advance for this, but I really need to rant. I am ABSOLUTELY FUMING about the way I was treated by a midwife last night.
Yesterday I felt reduced movement. Obviously we all have quiet days, and I always tend to panic, but I usually am relieved when I sit with a cold drink and get a couple of kicks as a response. Yesterday I didn't get that response so I went off to the hospital to be checked out. That's the advice, right? If you feel movements have changed, get checked out?
The 2 student midwives I saw were so brilliant- really took me seriously, found the healthy heartbeat and then put me on one of those continuous fetal heart things for half an hour. They reassured me and said I had done the right thing in going in. Baby is completely fine and as usual started kicking as soon as a medical professional came anywhere near me.
Then their superior, the midwife came in. She told me that I shouldn't have come in because I'm only 27 weeks and it's normal to not feel regular movement before 28 weeks. I said that I have been feeling regular movement, but had felt it had changed so wanted reassurance. She said as long as I feel 10 movements in 24 hours then everything is fine. I explained that usually I feel 10 kicks in a minute, and that only 10 movements in 24 hours is a dramatic reduction which I thought I was supposed to report.
She then said this: "You need to start monitoring and counting properly after 28 weeks as this is your second time complaining of reduced movement. If you come in a third time, we'll have to start talking about early induction."
I was so shocked I didn't really respond! But what the fuck??? Is she trying to scare / threaten me into NOT going in to get checked out if I'm worried? That goes against every piece of advice I've read anywhere. And so what if I have a tendency to panic? Surely that's better than potentially missing a genuine problem? So next time I do have worries, am I supposed to just assume everything is fine and avoid going in because they'll just think 'I'm sick of her, let's just get the baby out at 30 weeks so we don't have to see her again.'
I'm SO ANGRY. Obviously, I will be going in for monitoring any time I feel worried because as far as I'm concerned, that's what we are supposed to do- and pregnancy is made much better by reassurance. So that bitch can fuck off, frankly. But she really upset me and made me feel like I was so stupid for going in at all.
Should I make a formal complaint?

London she is right about movements at 28 weeks. My midwife says not to worry until then so have stopped myself going in for that. However, I would still go if I was really worried and got nothing at all. She is is just trying to scare you re induction. There is no way they would put a baby at risk and induce it early just because some scary midwife is being a bitch. Very poor tactic on her part. A midwife was really rude to me at triage when I went in with an infection, did consider complaining but thought too much hassle in the end but now keep thinking oh crap, what is she is my actual midwife at birth. It really upset me though. So I suppose complaining Depends on how strongly you feel about it, she does sound a cow but maybe just having a bad day. Outrageous though - that could put someone off going in which is poor indeed - actually now I think you should complain. Sorry you had such a shit experience.

Smiley so glad you got the heartbeat checked again. Well worth making the dreaded call.

Londonmrss that is hideous way to be treated!!! Really what the hell is the difference in 27 and 28 weeks when baby v active?! Hateful cow. Personally I would go home and cry and spend next few weeks afraid but that is pathetic and if u hav a right mind you should make a complaint. One thing to tell u off, another to threaten you with early induction!!???? WTF?! So sorry you hav had such shit, so glad all well. Try and chill for your own health and baby health. ]

Smiley so glad to hear all well re heart beat, such a relief I am sure. X

I am outraged for you Londonmrss! What she said is totally unfair. It seems to me like she is just trying to 'scare' you to give herself a quiet life. Honestly people can be so harsh and uncaring sometimes. I would complain, but then again I am feeling quite militant at the moment and may be personifying your midwife as my rubbish estate agent

I had a terrible night - it's so hot. Woke up at 3.45am and didn't really get back to sleep for long afterwards. Just panicking about the house situation. If we were moving into a great house I might feel better, but we're not. Thanks for your kind words bella but no we don't have many friends around to help as we're abroad

Yomping Big hug lady. I feel rubbish about my body some days, but really you just have to be kind to yourself and keep in mind that it's only a few months and then you can get back on the treadmill... if you want to!

LAST DAY AT WORK KLAXON FOR squid

mrsS that is terrible! I think you have been treated really badly there. I can't believe they have left you feeling like you don't dare ask for re-assurance in case they induce you early! That is crazy! I personally think the 'ten movements a day' thing is bollocks anyway. Like you said, you know what is normal for your baby. Like you, if I sit down I get the re-assuring kicks and I would be worried if they didn't come. I say complain. She is only one midwife out of a whole team so you may not have to deal with her again. I am so sorry you have had to deal with thid additional stress on top of your baby worry.

I have just had a call from the midwife saying that my blood tests from yesterday have come back and I am aneamic. :-( so iron tablets it is, which will make me even more constipated! Oh great!

Is anyone else suffering with carpal tunnel? Mone is really bad. I lose the circulation in my hands lots through the night and even though I have been up since 7, my arms still feel puffy and heavy. Oh well-better get on with my mountain of washing... Happy days! X

(haven't caught up yet)

Squid thanks for kind words, but... your job and my job are a bit different.

Here is my job:

...doot dee doo... I fancy a cup of tea now... or a muddle on facebook... actually I think I'll just pop out to the shops... oh look, that deadline passed, hey, not my fault, not going to worry about it... la la la... oh look it's time to go home OH WAIT I'm already at home! I work from home almost every day!

Here is your job:

IF I DON'T RUN AROUND LIKE A DECAPITATED CHICKEN SOMEBODY MIGHT DIE

...so you'll forgive me if I don't see them as being immediately comparable.

The decision is made anyhow - full five weeks for me! (Though knowing my luck, baby will be born 3 weeks early... ah well, I read somewhere that 36 weeks counts as full-term, that'll do...)

(btw squid - how cute is your BF? And such an adoring look he's giving you in that tummy picture )

Londonmrs yes, you should make a formal complaint.

plankton can I have your job?

YompingJo Super-agree with everyone who says you probably look better than you realise! However in terms of practical Things To Make You Feel Better, can I tentatively suggest a book-in with the John Lewis styling staff?

Basically all JLs have staff whose job it is to find people clothes they look nice in - it's a free service, but you have to make an appointment.

I thought it sounded ridiculous but then my girlfriend - who has a clothes-challenging G-cup physique - went for one and came out with new pieces of clothing that look so damn stylish and understated it was just amazing. Of course JL is expensive but you don't have to buy anything, my girlfriend said they don't pressure you at all, they just fling outfits at you that they think will make you look nice - and lo and behold, you look nice!

Even one dress or shirt that you know for sure you look reliably nice in can make a world of difference in my experience. And none of us know how to dress these mad new shapes of ours, so, why not turn to the experts?

Hope that's of some practical use!

LondonMrs I am also fuming on your behalf. What a massive fecking bitch that woman is. It's amazing how many unhelpful negative sarky cows I've met who are midwives, which may be colouring my judgement, but yes, I'd complain. In my view she threatened you! WTAF??? Induction????? Do you know her name? I suppose they'll know who was on duty that day. The student midwives did their job better than she did. Were they ?

Yomping I can completely relate to how you feel. I'm in partial glorious denial (apart from the cold hard numbers on the scales, argh) because we have hardly any mirrors in our house, and certainly no full-length ones. Ignorance is BLISS. I can imagine something completely different , shut my eyes and go lalalala. But yes, went swimming yesterday and felt like a massive fecking heifer heaving myself about. Once in the water - looooovely. As bella said, the end result is so worth it. Just went for a walk with DS this morning, who at 21m is obsessed with pebbles (why??!), and the way he says "pebuwsh" (think Eric Cartman from South Park but a bit drunk-sounding, but also very very cute...hmm) with triumph whenever he picks one up makes me go all melty He's just gorgeous. And things change pretty quickly after the birth as you lose all the water you're retaining (lots of sweating and weeing - nice).

bella hopefully the iron will make you feel better. I've heard there's a liquid preparation you can request which is less likely to cause constipation - maybe ask for that? And prunes are your friend

smorgs poor you about your house - how stressful. Things all tend to come at once don't they? and for you. A fellow sleep-struggler here, too. I'm having trouble with my shoulders (I have excessively broad shoulders, boo) - I hate lying on my side - they get really sore. Then the baby woke up at about 1am and did a long, enthusiastic aerobics session. Then DS woke up and banged the bars of his cot with his water cup for AN HOUR. Plus all the wees I had to do. Oh and a fecking mosquito making that awful high-pitched whine right by my head for a while, which made me thrash about like a wild lunatic, arms and legs akimbo, which woke the baby up again - cue another aerobics session. I'm tired

smiley really really pleased that all is well with the heartbeat. And, just like LondonMrs, I don't think you have any reason to feel silly for getting checked out. It's one of those what-if situations, isn't it. Baking babies is not something to be too blase about IMO.

CWest sorry about your house situation too! How gutting to lose somewhere you'd fallen in love with, and for such a silly reason

WantAnOrange glad you had a lovely holiday in the end!

Beeble or should i say beeble love your new way of mentioning people, hee hee!!

I really ought to give up orange juice at breakfast time. The heartburn is ridiculous. But I like it too much - it's like my morning treat. I am my own worst enemy and all that...

We're off on holiday tomorrow for a week. Nowhere exotic, in fact I think I should say it's a "holiday" as we're staying in a house in England with extended family - 8 adults in total, 7 (insane) children. It's going to be utter chaos. If I last the full week it'll be a miracle - DH is 6'3", I'm 5'10" and we're going to be sharing a small double with DS in the room with us (another couple have "bagsied" the only King, in spite of the fact I'm 30wks pg ). If I get more than 2hrs sleep a night it'll be a total miracle. And there's only one shower (for EIGHT ADULTS?!!). I like long showers It's really bad to be dreading our last holiday before DC2 is born - you'd've thought we'd've planned better. Sodding nobbers we are.

ooh, another one wanting plankton's job. Please?

Hey ladies! Productive morning here, madly picking finishing things for house - today it was tiles and door handles plus an extra bathroom suite. Had another meltdown last night over the fact I had 200 things to do and my brain could only cope with 180. Then lovely friend phoned and I vented for 15 minutes and said "Don't ever have a baby AND renovate a house AND fulfil a book contract all at same time!!!" Two out of 3 = fine, 3 out of 3 = occasional headstaggers

London that is really crap Having relatives and friends who work in NHS they are UNANIMOUS in agreeing - if someone is out of line COMPLAIN. Always. If it's a one off / they are having a terrible day then they will just get a word in their ear - but it rarely is a one-off. Have been told again and again that it is always the same people who get services a bad name. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost but if you have the energy making a complaint might save someone else's baby. That might sound dramatic but what if she says that to someone less ballsy than you and they just don't come back when they are worried? That's what annoys me :( And my MW said they tend to monitor baby movements from 25 weeks on - when I had a change of pattern she took it seriously (even though bean is now back to usual frog like antics). And the induction stuff is utter bollocks - they do not induce perfectly healthy babies at your stage just because you've had a concern - and if they did because it's an insane hospital there's a court case right there . That's the bit that would make me most determined to complain - the fact she said that.

Cherry glad the HB is easing a bit, mine comes and goes too which is maddening because of the lack of pattern. Only surefire thing to set it off is Indian food, everything else is 50/50.

Mickey enjoy the Olympics, safe in the knowledge that you will have your own place to hole up in when the bean arrives :o Brilliant news!

On flip side CWest sorry the vendors pulled out :( Really annoying when you were so invested in the house. It's hard but I always tend to think these things happen for a reason and something better turns up if that makes sense? You may well find that they put it back on market AND possibly you will be able to beat them down on price too :)

Smorgs that is also a pain about moving - nothing to add apart from and sympathy.

Yomping I think everyone feels that sense of disbelief looking at new shape - not helped by fact that the bumps seem to pop out almost ON sometimes Do tell your DH how you are feeling- as others have said you'll feel better knowing he understands.

Beeble enjoy the yoga :) Full of admiration for you going as I can't quite pluck up the courage...

Bella that was a lovely post about your DS :) And ditto crazypaving x

Smiley so pleased everything sounded good, yayyyyyyyyyyy! :o

Planktonette liking the sound of your job - hoping mine will be like that next year, in between baby minding :)

Crazy you are living up to your name with that holiday planned - good luck! But I would be inclined to tell the 'bagsy' couple to fuck off to the far side of fuck with the bed situation...

to everyone, thank you for the very kind words and hugs. I did explain to DH, when he came home to find me very red eyed, and he was massively sympathetic and loving and gave me very big hugs and said that he didn't understand how I could do it every day, it must be so so hard. I wanted to be all "strong lady" like Xena Warrior Princess and say "no, it's nothing, piece of cake" but instead I just said "yes it is" and dissolved into tears again .

But you know what? It is damn hard, for everyone on here - for a variety of different reasons, but everyone has things they are finding really difficult, and it doesn't make any sense to try and be superwomen and pretend it's easy. It's not hideous every day and I don't feel like I felt yesterday every single day (thank goodness), and I know I am lucky as I am sleeping OK and not in any pain and have not had any scares and am not trying to simultaneously raise another child/move house/deal with nobber bosses or an unsympathetic DH. My struggle is more of a mental one and that can be just as hard in its own way as there are no real practical solutions, just acceptance, which is not one of my talents! I am certainly having moments where I really do wonder if a childless life would have been so bad - and I haven't even got to the child part yet! But, I am reassured by almost every parent anywhere who tells me parenthood is the best thing ever, and by my gut instinct, which tells me that DH and I will do OK and having a little person to bring up will be one hugely exciting adventure (if I can get over how huge I have to get in the process ) and we are at our very best when we are adventuring together.

You are all right that DH thinks I look great - inexplicably, he finds this new whalelike shape very attractive and enjoys being able to show me that in his own special way whenever I am in the mood (TMI?) and he is also very understanding about the ups and downs. I have also managed to find some clothes that actually fit, in H&M, whose maternity range I hated at first but needs must when the devil drives, as DH has adopted as his favourite saying of the moment (I don't think it is anything to do with me being such a hormonal nightmare , and it is just a relief to be in clothes that cover and fit and maybe even flatter a bit. So I feel a lot better today.

It is also my first proper day of doing absolutely nothing since I broke up, and DH has gone back to work (funny shifts, 5 days off, 5 days on) and I am making very few demands on myself today - doing easy things that satisfy me and make the house feel more organised.

midgetm, I'm a bit scared about being bump slapped so will behave myself from now on!

London, I would definitely complain. To her, you may have been being over-cautious, and that is fine for her to think, but it is not fine for her to say what she said which could definitely be taken as a threat and could also lead to you downplaying something more serious, and that make her totally unprofessional in my eyes. Not sure who you'd complain to - I guess the hospital in the first place, but I think you should say something.

Yomping, 37, 30 weeks and slightly less neurotic today!

Hi all, thanks for confirming that I'm not being over-sensitive! I spoke to another midwife today as I had an appointment anyway. She said the original midwife will have meant that after several episodes of reduced movement, they're meant to take further action such as schedule a scan. She very much agreed that I should go in if I'm ever concerned, no matter how many times that is (I warned her that it will happen again because I am generally feeling anxious to know that the baby is ok all the time- I've never been a hypochondriac at all, but sharing your body with someone is really hard! Particularly someone who decides to be really lazy and not move for whole days at a time), and perhaps that midwife was having a bad day.

I do understand that they are people- who will have bad days like the rest of us- but making women feel like they are wasting time by asking to be monitored is dangerous in my opinion. Anyway, she knows the midwife (I made note of her name!) so I hope she might have a word.

Smiley very glad to hear your happy heartbeat news!

yomping hope you're enjoying your nice relaxing day- you deserve it! I just looked at your 26 week bump pic on here- you look bloody lovely.

Plankton your job sounds like mine, except I have to be in the office doing mine, so spend a lot of time trying to look busy and important.

Squid it's your last day at work!

Londonmrs, please complain! She threatened you! And it was a ridiculous threat at that, as if they can induce you at 27 weeks for no reason. Because the fact is next week you will be 28 weeks, so any worries will suddenly be justified???
I, like you, have felt regular movements for several weeks now, and 10 in 24 hours is nothing. The information from Count the Kicks says to figure out what's normal for your baby. It's a shame that not everyone is reading from the same page.
But the point is, whether you should have gone in or not, there was no need for her to treat you like that.

Glad you're feeling better today Yomping!

I'm planning to get up at 5am to watch the Olympic opening ceremony before going to work. We shall she what happens when the alarm goes off...

Sorry, cross-post - I take ages to type!
Glad you got some reassurance from someone in the know.

Another two hours with workmen... Another two hours of my life I will never get back...

Squid are you finished yet? :o

Getting my nails done tonight, mainly because I can't reach my toes anymore without contorting myself...

Oh Yomping I feel your pain on the acceptance of a changing figure. I have always had a flat stomach (sorry if this sounds like gloating - it isn't - I'm normally a size 14 with a big arse and chunky thighs, but a flat stomach was my one good bit). And now I don't have my one good bit any more. AND I get incredibly upset about the acne all over my back and chest quite regularly. DF tries to remind me it's for a good cause and that it's not that noticeable really but I just sob and feel sad. So it's entirely normal, I'd say, to find it hard to adjust to this changing shape stuff. I wouldn't want anyone other than DF seeing my acne so absolutely understand. So glad your DH was understanding and lovely. yay.

Angelico I found painting my toes last weekend a bit interesting - could hardly breathe! I may have to resort to the professionals. Though I've been too embarrassed to go because I've got a verucca which I can't treat at the moment (freezing is bad, chemicals are bad, according to the boxes).

LondonMrs I am angry on your behalf re midwife. SURELY tis better to err on the side of caution. This is what we are told All The Time. GRR.

Smorgs UGH re the heat. Sounds awful. I saw a friend had rigged up one of those ice packs you put in your cold box in front of her fan to get cold air blown at her. Seemed like a good idea to me. Worth a try?

Crazypaving you are one brave lady with that holiday. I am not nearly patient enough and wouldn't have agreed to it in the first place!!

We're going to be sitting in the car driving up north tonight instead of watching the olympics. BOO. DF has a week's course for the Open University and friends of mine live nearby, so we're up for the weekend together (him at college 9 -9, me hanging out with friends) and then I leave him too it. Will be a bit odd / lonely without him next week but sure I'll be fine. Will be oddest to be at a wedding next friday without him. BOO. Ah well.

RIGHT. Must focus on some of my employment (though realising that my job is certainly nearer plankton than squid). Have a great weekend ladies.

30 weeks today (think Yomping and Lisbeth might be bump buddies? :o)

Does anyone else find themselves thinking, "If I'm this big now, how big am I going to be by the end?!" I haven't put on weight anywhere other than bump but my god it's mahoosive! I asked the MW about it yesterday as bean is measuring big on ultrasound but she said by that tape measure thing I am measuring 30 weeks exactly. Think it must be my shortarse torso compressing everything into smaller area so bean has to grow out...

Livvy enjoy your weekend :o