The PESH in a manger

[LadyGoneGaga]

No booze for our heads,
No clubbing, no Class A's,
No more pants of red

The midwives in the hossie,
Looked down where we lay,
A bunch of old, evil hags,
Fucked on Gas and A.

Ho, ho, ho you bunch of Hoes.

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April.
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8.
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24.
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29.
AlpinePony, boy, born 1 July.
Carrots, boy, born July.
IggyPiggy, girl, born July.
Cosmosis, boy, born Sept 5.
Backinthebox, boy, born Sept 7.
Skatergrrrl, girl, born Sept 10.
VAG, boy, born Oct 2.
Silversky, boy, born Nov 1
SomethingSuitablyWitty, girl born Nov 2
okiecokie, girl, born Nov 12
Honeymoo, boy, born Nov 11
ReginaMonologue, boy, born Nov 13

UPDIFFED

maswera, can't possibly be having a baybee next week, due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not, due 22 Jan
ChoChoSan, "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb", due 31 Jan
CluckyKate, hatching an egg, due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science, due February 24
Muser, blooming at last, due February 27
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole, completely out of witty things to add, due April 8
Scorpette, now carrying a RL baby in addition to Clothilda and the squid, due 18th May.
Laurielou, the unmarried hussy with the "surprise" diff, due 31 May (ish)
Rocketleaf, no longer jealous of morning sickness, due 1 June.
Twinkle Toes, supergluing her fanjo shut, due 23 June.
LadyGoneGaga, Compulsive Stick pisser, due 28 July

No new suggestions. Just come back and try again. I will dose myself up on anti-vom tablets and hope for the best.

Bah to feeling poorly. Don't feel guilty for taking a day off.

Oh gawd, all the vomming and the pains/scary baby stuff sounds grim. Fish slaps to those requiring them (and a secret gentle hug).

I gave myself a fright yesterday - went to the loo, blew my nose & saw bloody mucus on the loo roll - Was 'yikes - a show' - until I realised it was from the 'wrong end'

Mas If I were you I'd start learning 1 end from t'other pretty sharpish. You may be in for a shock otherwise....

That made me chuckle, Mas. I was ridiculously excited when finding a Show and think I probaly dislodged my plug with all the rummaging I was doing

Any twinges going on?

Not sure why I bolded Show!

Mas sounds just a leetle exciting for you - only a week to go!

Polster You poor dear thing. Hope Boo is on the mend and there's no more sick to sort out.

Lozza does indeed sound like stretching. I had similar with Mini O about this time and phoned MW who said it's just things re-adjusting. Get checked out if you're not happy though.

PD glad the wee tyke is ok

I had my parents down for the weekend so that we could go Christmas shopping on Sat without the wee man. The positive is that we got most stuff sorted - hooray! The negative is that I was sick is virtually every shop we went too - some toliets are very grim indeed! I had thought I turend a corner with the MS, but apparantly not. Hey ho, am in work today and coping so hopefully today is a good day. I'm eating my way through it - it's the only solution - honest!

Yeah, am getting occasional twinges & cramps & stuff - but no more than that. Been having them for a while now so I guess it doesn't mean anything is about to happen

laurie I had to take a week off work at 17 weeks because the "stretching" was so painful. :( But all "normal" - but something else to add to the "how the fuck did you not know you were pregnant" list of mysteria!

drom I went to a very loud pub at ~33 weeks (?), had a couple of margeritas and a boogie. Bear was jumping!

pol Yeh, it's supposed to encourage them the "right way up" - but I suppose equally it encourages them to move full stop. I hope Boo is feeling better now though.

laurie, I agree about the stretching - all sorts of stuff going on inside that can lead to mysterious aches. Try not to worry too much.

Silv, thank you for the hippo CD, I promise to send it on to the next lay-er, drom, muse, gin??

drom - how very very scary. Glad all is well and mini camel is living upto his ASBO rep & staying out past his curfew & causing you worry already.

muse - you are a trooper. That's all. I've been lucky & not had the sickness, but is there any way you can stuff your face the days before and hope some of it stays to line your stomach for the next day? Or would that make you vom as well?

GG - a day off sick is always a winner. Well done.

Laughing about your show mas....

I'm going to try that MrsFC. I shall have a carby Wednesday, dose up on anti-vom pills, and hope for the best. I have no idea what happens if I can't keep the drink down. The midwives seemed a bit confused that I had failed in that regard.

Awww, poor Muse How fucking annoying to get the vile brew down but then having to come back again to do it all over again and waste another morning/avo. Have this delicious virtual chocolate fudge cake wot I made you

I've actually got it on my notes that I refuse to have a Glucose Tolerance test and they have to test in other ways if they suspect things, cos of my hypoglycaemia and inability to cope with ingested glucose (I can't eat/drink normal sugar or go without food in the morning, so a GD test would be v dangerous for me). If you can't keep it down the 2nd time around, please speak to them about alternatives. Trouble is, I can't remember what they said they'd do instead, durr (bloods, I presume).

Drom, glad little Berwhale was just having a lazy Sunday afternoon Sounds like the baby version of how you feel terrible then you get in with the GP and you feel perfectly well! But why did you then carry some cupcakes? Will you never learn?!

Pol, sorry about the spewstravaganza you had to deal with - would be horrid enough if you weren't wrestling with a vom-phobia, spd and Droppius Imminentius.

LOLZ, glad you liked my psychic vision. You were married to Mackenzie Crook, I forgot to add that bit. But the rest of it was clearly all true. Am now desperately trying to dream of this week's winning lottery numbers Oh, and I keep getting weird stretchy pains. I also feel a really sharp pain if I sneeze or fart. Seeing as I am a one-woman wind and congestion machine, this is not a barrel of laughs.

Sorry to hear LGG and OurChid have been feeling so bum. O, I try to avoid all toilets in our fair city 'cept John Lewis and M&S. I had to rush for a wee in the bus station toilets t'other day. You know what I mean. Was hell on earth

I also cannot believe that people can get to the stage of actually giving birth before realising they have been pregnant for the last 9 months Pony. Although I did meet a girl that happened to once. She was not the sharpest tool in the box but even so... apparently she wasn't really showing but had gained a bit of weight around the middle. Funnily enough she was a horsey girl and working in a stables somewhere. She put down the weight gain to all the extra crisps she'd been eating throughout winter. Wonder what she put the kicking down to? Wind?!

I too am at Mas and her show. I have become (again) an obsessive gusset checker, but have not yet examined the tissues from the other end.

Boo requested food again so I gave her a small biscuit. She took an hour to eat one corner of it and now the dog is eyeing up the rest. Her temp is sky high again but with the magic of calpol she is now playing with a dolly and watching bloody cbeebies. I want to watch crap property programmes!

Carby Weds sounds good Muse. Can we have carby Monday too?

Glad Berwhale is ok Drom. We had a similar scare with Boo at about 33 weeks. I suddenly realised late on a Saturday afternoon that I couldn't remember her moving all day so it was off to the hossie to be monitored. As I lay back on the hospital bed my gut started leaping and dancing all over the place.

I know 2 wimminz who have been pregnant without realising it. One remained a size 10 and had regular periods throughout the whole pg, the other was very obese and had irregular periods. I worked with the latter and she was fine at work on the Friday - came in on the Monday to hear everyone agog at the news that she'd had a baby at the weekend! Interestingly, they both had/have stomach problems, like IBS (and in the case of the larger lady, gastric ishoos due to overeating junk, etc.), and they both said they'd put nausea and pains down to that.

And my cousin's daughter was 6 months gone before she knew, because she continued to have periods (she's very overweight).

I have an anterior placenta. This means that I might never see or feel the baby kick. Have been told an anterior placenta is usually the reason why women don't realise they are pg, if they are also having sporadic bleeding.

Scorps Obviously I'm not mean enough to be glad that you feel a sharp pain if you sneeze or fart, but again tis reassuring as I did think I burst my appendix when I sneezed one day last week. For some reason I then spent the rest of the day clenching my fango in case Chuck decided to try & make a break for it. At least I'm going to have the best pelvic floor muscles. Anyone need a walnut cracking? .

Oddly though these crazy aches etc have made me quite excited & it may, just may have started to sink in. Only a little bit.

I'm having a baby

Ooh a carby Mon and Wed sound good to me. hope it works for you Muse

Pette I also had an anterior placenta. I didn't really feel O until I was well over 20 weeks PG. Mr O didn't get a look in in terms of feeling kicks for a long time because of it! That said, I did feel enough wiggling and jiggling to know that he was ok and I did still have the hand/foot/elbow sticking out the side nearer the end. The way I saw it was that it made sleeping easier at night - the less you feel, the easier it is to sleep etc .

I have to say I was disappointed with John Lewis toilets! I used the parent and child one because I didn't want the whole of the ladies toilets hearing me heaving my guts up. I got several sarcastic comments about it being for parents with little ones and because I didn't have mini O it obviously looked bad thate I dashed past everyone and into there. On the surface it looked clean, but when you're hovering over the toilet bowl you got too much time to examine between the pipes etc. It made me feel worse....Anyway, enough of my toilet escapades.

Lady I'm envious of your duvet day. Make sure you get some rest, sleep is great!

Orchid, the JL loos are very cramped. But at least they're clean. I must confess to using disabled toilets in various places to have a luxurious (HA!) mega-vom - the one in H of Fraser is v spacious. I had the good grace to limp a bit when leaving in case anyone saw me . The ladies downstairs in Pret is nice too.

Exciting Midlands-based toilet chat is GO!

Thanks also for anterior placenta stuff. Is good to know I might still feel baybee jiggling after all, huzzah Although it'll probably freak me out when I do!

Glad my cramps can reassure you, Loz. Is terrible in the morning - I have a massive sneezing and trumping fit when I wake and then spend ages clutching my wombular area and making 'sssssssssss' noises through my teeth. But they also make me reassured too! I caught sight of myself sitting on the bed last night and yelped 'OMG, I look pregnant!'. TYF was all like, 'Well, um, yeah'.

Scorps I had an anterior placenta too with MiniG. Think I felt him move at 18 weeks (normal) and felt really strong movements most of way through. And in the end my whole belly used to lurch violently from side to side. I'm sure you'll feel plenty!

I hope so, LGG. Have been feeling a bit miffed I might not feel or see anything

I'm sure I have an anterior placenta and that doesn't stop Bob making his/her presence known, including visuals. It might just take a bit longer for you to feel it.

Don't worry...I felt the same way. But I did. And the anterior placenta makes no difference to feeling being kicked in the bladder. Or them tap dancing on your cervix which he did when he was breech.

hello you lovely lot. So sorry for the vom trials that muse and polly are having. :( I hope boo gets better really quickly. And for Berwhales naughtiness over the weekend. Glad everything is now ok.

lozzer stretchy pains here too and also the odd stabby stabby one which I am putting down to trapped wind.

I am really weary today, REALLY didn't want to get out of bed and then it took 2.15 to get into work. EEP! By the time I got here I just wanted to go back and hit the sack. Oh well. Easy day today, politics don't seem to be kicking off so that's good.

Well the xmas goodies have started coming out round here and I am sooooo tempted by the M&S biscuit selection. Someone please tie my hands and tape my mouth up.

I also have an anterior placenta. It is reasonably likely that you feel definite movement a bit later...but fuck me I definitely feel it. So I really wouldn't worry scorps, you will get the shit kicked out of you just like the rest of us :)

muse the puke-o-zade sounds vile. What an arse you have to do it again!!

I have just managed to get a private chiro appt for tomorrow. Can't wait any longer for the NHS one as I don't have the option of lying still n not doing anything for another 2 weeks....fun though that would be!

lorry...as silv said, call mw if you are at all in need of reassurance. Does sound normal tho (just not nice)

poopy my love am sorry about boo. Hope she is much better soon. Is horrible when they are poorly, as well as being fucking hard work for you.

As you know mooch was really ill last week...we didn't have vomit though. However he is still really highly strung, getting upset over all sorts of stuff, and waking me throughout the night. Which is nice I am beginning to think he is a bit weirded out by the pregnancy. And prob picking up on the bucketloads of stress in our household (is always fun being sued by a multinational company just before xmas!)

Can anyone tell I am not feeling like a ray of sunshine today? ANYWAY. I plan to be more fun soon. A girl has her limits though, and I reached mine this morning.

Don't need sympathy, know lots of people have shite going on (sorry bout the FC's job MrsFC, what hideous timing!) I JUST NEEDED A QUICK RANT!!!!!!

which is now done. so, as you were :)

M&S biscuit selection you say? The only reason I'd tie your hands up would be so I could eat more. Ahh, you're diffed, its Christmas - eat, eat (seeing as we can't drink) & be merry.

Last night I went to bed clutching a hot water bottle to my stomach - just like droid days. I reckon I may get up in the morning & all of a sudden have a belly like Father Christmas. HO HO HO!

Aw, Gin, sounds like you're having a really rubbish time of it Wish I could do summat to help (apart from offer snogs). Am glad Mooch is over his illness, but you're prolly right that he's picking up on things and is a bit 'what's going on?' wibbly about the pg. Is only natural, so don't beat yourself up about that. Glad you're going to see a chiro - even a bit of physical relief should do you the world of good. And GRRRRR to that other evil company Bastards!

And fankoo for the reassurance. The Xmas dinner me and TYF have planned might ensure me a right kicking in protest about sharing stomach cavity space with an enormous food baby

Nice x-posts there! Apols. Rant away LovelyGin