The PESH in a manger

[LadyGoneGaga]

No booze for our heads,
No clubbing, no Class A's,
No more pants of red

The midwives in the hossie,
Looked down where we lay,
A bunch of old, evil hags,
Fucked on Gas and A.

Ho, ho, ho you bunch of Hoes.

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April.
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8.
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24.
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29.
AlpinePony, boy, born 1 July.
Carrots, boy, born July.
IggyPiggy, girl, born July.
Cosmosis, boy, born Sept 5.
Backinthebox, boy, born Sept 7.
Skatergrrrl, girl, born Sept 10.
VAG, boy, born Oct 2.
Silversky, boy, born Nov 1
SomethingSuitablyWitty, girl born Nov 2
okiecokie, girl, born Nov 12
Honeymoo, boy, born Nov 11
ReginaMonologue, boy, born Nov 13

UPDIFFED

maswera, can't possibly be having a baybee next week, due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not, due 22 Jan
ChoChoSan, "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb", due 31 Jan
CluckyKate, hatching an egg, due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science, due February 24
Muser, blooming at last, due February 27
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole, completely out of witty things to add, due April 8
Scorpette, now carrying a RL baby in addition to Clothilda and the squid, due 18th May.
Laurielou, the unmarried hussy with the "surprise" diff, due 31 May (ish)
Rocketleaf, no longer jealous of morning sickness, due 1 June.
Twinkle Toes, supergluing her fanjo shut, due 23 June.
LadyGoneGaga, Compulsive Stick pisser, due 28 July

Well done, Pol. Glad you're back, safe, well and with shopping! Christmas is back on. Yay!

Muse great news on the early finish.

I saw a cheese with orange bits & chocolate chips. Chocolate chips in cheese? WTF? Sounds like a migraine sufferers special

Yey for early darts muse and yey for diamond sainos geezer pol I must admit if not exactly 'blitz' spirit this snow does seem to bring out the best in some people.

40 mins until end of term

Not getting my early finish. Something has Gone Wrong. I should still escape early though. Come on printers, send me my new proof.

I am home! Merry Christmas.

hurrah! I shall be in the Christmas spirit somewhere around 1pm. However, we've just had a severe weather warning, with concerns for driving conditions - bah! Still, I have a spare turkey should we end up stuck here.

Bloody hell, Pol! If you were jealous of my worrying about Loz and her car, you could've just said, rather than go through all that just to get my attention SOOO glad you and boo (and your festive fare) are fine, it sounded pretty scary. You totally are a DHB... but not too H to refuse a massive smooch, I hope

Well, we've had an 'eventful' day shopping. Took us 5 bloody hours in all and here's a run-down: TYF doesn't get haircut cos of mix-up; later a little boy who introduced himself to us in a queue with 'I'm called Otto, do you like it?', told TYF he had 'lovely hair like a princess' which didn't make him feel better about not having it cut, bought last pack of gluten-free sausage in the western hemisphere only to discover they have green mould over them once home (use by: 31st!), Sainsbury's fucked us about royally over our bloody turkey order (but Busby is now dominating our puny fridge) and worst of all, I put a bag down for a milisecond to get my purse out of my handbag and some colossal CUNT nicked it. For those of you who haven't seen my FB status, this wasn't the heinous crime it could've been, because TYF had bought some new boots earlier because he's been wearing a truly appalling pair of battered, rancid black Converse boots with holes in them, etc. As his feet were wet, freezing and he'd stepped in a little bit of dog poo, he decided to wear the new boots and put the old pair in the box to take home. Guess which bag the thief nicked?

God, I'd give anything to see their face when they eagerly open up their prize, thinking it'll be something to give as a prezzy, sell for drug money or sell on eBay and what they actually get is... a pair of knackered, shit-smeared, clown-sized tramp's boots!

(Am v angry with myself for being daft, when I'm always vigilant and upset because he bought those boots on our 3rd dates and in most memories of us doing stuff he's wearing them, but the hilarity of the thief's comeuppance is priceless. TYF isn't that bothered and just laughed when we realised what'd happened)

We unpacked and he fell on the sofa groaning 'next year we book a Christmas Ocado slot in April and order everything on-line or buy it in the shops by November'. Then MIL rang to say they're snowed in with more snow due on Boxing Day and that their heating is on the blink, so we might not be able to go down. So a day of ups and downs, all in all!

Ooops, didn't realise I would break the internets with that one

Scropes great news about the snow at MIL's . Have you been doing a little snow voodoo dance up there by any chance?

Well I went to the Dr's and BP gone up AGAIN. Bah humbug. They are obv quite concerned as they want me back at the GPs tomorrow to have a it checked again and are trying to find someone who could come out and check me over the weekend. FFS. Am now very close the limit for a homebirth AND a waterbirth, so in all probability it seems that Shrimp will arrive on a hospital bed instead of emerging in a pool.

And more good news... our water pressure has dropped significantly this evening, almost to a trickle and TG is worried the supply is freezing up. The village is served by a little reservoir up the lane that is maintained by our landlords. We quite often suffer low water pressure during milking times, but they are hardly likely to be cleaning out the cow sheds now. So we are filling baths/buckets/jugs etc in case it dries up totally over night. Supposed to be about -8 tonight, but coming back from the Drs at 5pm it was already -5. Could my week get any better?! Gotta laugh ain't ya!

At this rate we will be decamping to MILs as she has lots of extra rooms, water and heating. Could this Christmas get any further removed from the one I had planned?!

Well whatever happens we have lots of food and booze. And a bath full of cold water. Woop wooop! We know how to partay.

May I take this opportunity to wish all my ESH hags a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful baybee-filled new year.

On the plus side - I did get the doc to give me a flu jab while I was there. Better late than never.

Hi there everyone, thanks for your thoughts yesterday, I felt loads better today, and clearly needed a good half day in bed yesterday.

Poll, you put the rest of us to shame with your EDD adventures!

So glad you are feeling better Cho. I was thinking back and I reckon my blue period definitely coincided with the realisation that I couldn't physically do everything that I wanted to. Amazing what a few extra hours in bed can do for you though.

I think I spent Boo's EDD in tesco doing a weekly shop, and going out in the evening to collect fish and chips. This one is definitely more memorable.

Hi Poll, I really hope everything turns around for you and your hb, but I suppose we all just have to keep our eyes on the prize!

Glad you're feeling better Cho. But sorry the BP is going up Pol, I hope it all works out and even if it doesn't quite go to plan you get a good umm, oh I don't know what to call it. Birth experience? God that sounds hideous. But I hope it's better than last time and more the birth you want than not. If you see what I mean.

Scorps, are you buried under a mound of food now? It sounds like you might be getting the Christmas you want.

We are all set here to journey to the in-laws tomorrow. I am really looking forward to Christmas. Bring it on!

that's all a bit pants, Pol. Surely your BP is going up cos of the stress of driving to the surgery in the snow? Could you take your pool to the hospital.

The best laid plans of mice and PESH, eh Pol? Your BP might be high because things are v stressful for you at the mo! Everything seems very up in the air and confusing and stressy for you at the mo and Xmas is only compounding it. But it's good that everyone is really dedicated to making sure that you and Boo Two are in tip top condition... even if that means laying in hossie (any chance of you making it to Portsmouth for One Born At Christmas? You know where I am if you want a reet long whinge about everything

Cho, am glad you're feeling a bit brighter today. A rest is such a good tonic - I hope you are going to do as little as poss and be pampered and spoilt rotten this Xmas (surely a differ's prerogative, as every other Xmas will be about the kid/s!). Have this hug whilst I smash you round the head with a bottle of Advocaat

Muse, I think I really am going to have a dreamy Xmas - so long as I don't have one of my worse headaches on the day We have gorgeous grub, pressies and of course, each other and our best gift ever - Teh BAYBEEEEEEE! And we might not be able to go to the ILs - could it get any better? TYF is determined to go down, but the car is in terrible nick - neither door will lock properly now, the gears keep going weird, it's a total rustbucket, the air-con doesn't work on the passenger side. He spent over £400 on repairs after the MOT and it's not even worth that much! And it's so old there's no car seat that will fit it.

Am I a bad person for not wanting to go down to Devon when the roads are so bad, not just down there but virtually all the way and there might not be any heat (converted barns in the middle of nowhere? Mmm, toasty)? Sigh...

Can't wait for Mas news! Hope everything is well with you all and can't wait for the flavour and details and hearing you bearing up well XXXX

morning all! No Mas news yet?

You are NBU at all, Scorps. We've got another snowfall happening right now - fuck off snow, I need to drive later.

bah, I take it you are all lazing about at home

Nope, I'm still in work . Only til lunchtime though.

Yes, where is Mas - hope all is well and she's still in hossie with the bambino, not having longest labour known to man.

lunchtime-ish here too.

Did any of you watch Nativity? I was so pleased that they showed Mary giving birth on her knees. Although how she managed to sit on that hard stable floor afterwards and be nice to all the fecking visitors I'll never know.

Mind you, I never gave birth to a Messiah, so I guess you get extra special super powers

Keeping checking for Mas. Is anyone friends with her on t'other place?

I shall be enacting my own nativity scene later, when this pregnant woman returns to the land of her birth. Except swap a donkey for a BMW, and nobody make any jokes about virgins!

I watched it, Boo. I was huffing at TYF 'they better not show her labouring on her back, cos no-one did it like that until a few 100 yrs ago'. Y'know, because the rest of it was so historically accurate The baby was remarkably clean for just having been born in a stable, ahem.

Snow, go away for Medee and all other pre-Xmas travellers... then come back to stop us having to go to Devon

I would like to get some decent sleep some time before my 60th birthday; am currently in a horrible cycle of not being able to drop off until @3am, wake up at @5am for a wee, not asleep again until 6am, up again at 7.30am for another wee, not asleep again until 9am, finally going back off until @10.30am. FFS! I realise I am lucky in that I can at least follow that pattern and get up late but bleeeurgh. I feel like a zombie and we have loads of festive housework and cooking to do today. Can palm the dogsbody stuff off onto the long-suffering TYF but only I know the secrets to my Famous Stuffing! (Also the quantities as I don't measure anything)

Pol, hope your BP is lower today and that you have a stress-free day as possible (not easy, I know). Big snogs!

Mas, sending you huge New Mum luffs :)

Medee, fancy swapping your BMW for our Peugeot 205? A donkey would be marginally better than ours...