The PESH in a manger

[LadyGoneGaga]

No booze for our heads,
No clubbing, no Class A's,
No more pants of red

The midwives in the hossie,
Looked down where we lay,
A bunch of old, evil hags,
Fucked on Gas and A.

Ho, ho, ho you bunch of Hoes.

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April.
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8.
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24.
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29.
AlpinePony, boy, born 1 July.
Carrots, boy, born July.
IggyPiggy, girl, born July.
Cosmosis, boy, born Sept 5.
Backinthebox, boy, born Sept 7.
Skatergrrrl, girl, born Sept 10.
VAG, boy, born Oct 2.
Silversky, boy, born Nov 1
SomethingSuitablyWitty, girl born Nov 2
okiecokie, girl, born Nov 12
Honeymoo, boy, born Nov 11
ReginaMonologue, boy, born Nov 13

UPDIFFED

maswera, can't possibly be having a baybee next week, due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not, due 22 Jan
ChoChoSan, "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb", due 31 Jan
CluckyKate, hatching an egg, due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science, due February 24
Muser, blooming at last, due February 27
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole, completely out of witty things to add, due April 8
Scorpette, now carrying a RL baby in addition to Clothilda and the squid, due 18th May.
Laurielou, the unmarried hussy with the "surprise" diff, due 31 May (ish)
Rocketleaf, no longer jealous of morning sickness, due 1 June.
Twinkle Toes, supergluing her fanjo shut, due 23 June.
LadyGoneGaga, Compulsive Stick pisser, due 28 July

Ain't that the troof.

So what are your new boots like Muse?

They are black, flat ruched style ones Polly. And they came from K in Clarks. I have become a granny, buying shoes from K. No glamour here.

But there were barely any flat boots out there, I can't do 4 inch heels at the moment. And I do have ridiculous calves. I am going to have to keep a look out for the Duo sale.

Oh my god. I have just measured my calves so I could perve on Duo properly. I am nearly as big as they go. I really am a freak!

Ahh chuff. After getting to a pretty regular 15 minute interval this afternoon, it has all gone quiet and have barely had a whimper for a couple of hours. Fer feck's sake! GAH!

Oh poor Mas. Go and get some sleep while you can my luvver, I'm sure it won't be long by the sound of it. You will get to meet your baybee soon, squeeeee!

muse you may find your calf measurement reduces after you've laid. Sounds odd I know but mine are definitely bigger - knee high boots are defo more snug than usual. My feet are wider too. In fact I cannot think of one single part of me that isn't bigger and wider. Ho hum!

muser then you will do a Mr. Kipling in the sales - as always the rails are filled with tiny/biggest sizes - those of you with "normal" legs will be sorely disappointed.

poo I can't get on a pair of snakeskin stillies boots I bought last winter when I was diffed. Wtf? Stillies are perfect for snow & ice, nothing grips like a stiletto. Your sechs sounds really hot & horny.

I do think my calves have expanded a bit. My old boots were getting a bit tricky to do up at the top, whereas last year they were falling down a bit through overstretching.

I'm quite liking the idea of having my pick of the sale boots though. It'd be a first!

mas I hope those contractions sped up again overnight.

mas that sounds terribly frustrating but hopefully you got a good nights sleep in time for a big day today!

any gingerbread left?

Morning! Am not having the best start to the day, first mid-wiff apointment cancelled because of snow. Was very much looking forward to taking up the whole of the woman's morning with my list of is this normal questions. Can't go festive food shopping because of the snow so decided to write a list instead. Turns out differs don't get much of the fun stuff at Christmas. Then couldn't decide if gentlemen's relish is pate or not so decided to ask Dr Google. Big mistake, HUGE (Roberts, 1990). Even bigger mistake to click on the urban dictionary link.... BOAK

Skihorse your snakeskin boots sound really hot and horny too, perhaps you should tug them on while gyrating

Perhaps we can help Bitey? I can almost guarantee that the answer to any "is this normal" question is going to be "yes". But you might surprise us.

On fun stuff at Christmas things to remember are: you can drink a little bit, so have a nice glass of champagne. Bottlegreen do a spiced berry cordial that is most pleasingly mulled wineish. And many of us here have had stilton, brie and camembert and not killed our baybees yet. Some of us may even have had the odd bit of pate.

TB has bought charcuterie to have while we have smoked salmon. I am sure to indulge in a bit of salami at some point, equally bad for differs and gallstones but feck it.

Apparently its snowing in Brizzle where we are supposed to be going for xmas day. I would like it NOT to snow too much please, snow gods?

Thanks muser, first one is: Itchy boobs, is it normal to have unbelievably itchy boobs? Not the nipular area but the whole general surface is sooooo itchy! And it is hard to scratch without feeling like Les Dawson!

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm champagne

Itchy is normal, yes. I think it's possibly to do with skin stretching or something. I get very itchy boobs. Drives me batty.

bitey The weirdest thing is, it's not my calves posing a problem - my fucking ankles appear to have taken on the proportions of Dumbo's mother! Btw, in your condition I wouldn't go festive shopping - what if you were to carry some mince-pies?

As muser says, you can eat whatever the fuck you like - assuming you store your pate/brie/sushi in the fridge and not the airing cupboard with old football boots.

Mince pies are pretty heavy gymkhanaonice! If I eat half the festive shopping before loading the car do you think that will make it ok?

Pah, can't go stupid shopping anyway. Home village is many many miles of country lane to nearest gritted rd and I have a least two bald tyres on my unreliable car!

In good news my office has closed so I can stop pretending to work at home and return to my default position on the sofa, whlie being intrigued by ski's ankles

I have had my flu jab and narrowly escaped a pneumonia jab. I queried it, nurse said it was standard as I was having the flu jab due to being at high risk of a heart condition. Which I'm fairly sure I'm not. Told her no, I was pregnant. So just the one jab for me thanks.

She's a nurse and she failed to notice you were pregnant? Nearly as good as the psychic who failed to pick up on my 28 week pregnancy...

Nothing like a medical 'professional' mistakenly telling you you've got a serious condition you've never heard you had to kick off the day in style, eh Muse? Should've kicked her with your swanky new boots!

Mas, so sorry to read things were gearing up and then seemed to gear down. Hope you're huffing and puffing and laying as we speak (also blowing down some pigs' houses)...

I has a flu jab conununununundrum: being Baroness Von Shit-Health and now a differ, I have a much higher risk of flu really fucking me up than most people (more than other differs, I'm told) BUT I can't have the jab because the last time I had a flu jab about 8 yrs ago, it put me in hospital - yes, those wonderful allergies again. So my Doc has no idea what to do for me and her only advice is 'stay inside, avoid other people', like the plague is upon us. Which is totally feasible advice to follow at Xmas We had to cancel our Ocado order for boring reasons and will now have to do lots of food shopping this week - I might wear a Hasmat suit just to be safe!

Oh, and I'm also allergic to antibiotics and penicillin-based drugs, so if I got flu and became severely ill, I'd not be able to have any treatment either! Fun time. Did I also mention that I have reactive Asthma, which means I stop breathing at the merest hint of a cold? Am now laughing ironically at how shite the situation is!

I'm not actually as worried as the above would suggest, btw

My Amazon stuff arrived on Saturday (7.30am, magic) but stuff ordered from other online peeps on the 6th hasn't. Waaaah!

Back from scan.

Little wriggly, baked potato with a heartbeat of 176. Measuring just about spot on (one day out, 1.9cm!) so feel very reassured and going to try and enjoy this now. Blubbed my head off. Then blubbed again in supermarket at all the Mum's with two children happily playing with each other. Wahhh.

Just got 12 week scan to get through but apparently risk of mc drops a lot once you have seen a HB at 8 weeks - I know there are no guarantees but much, much happier.

Won't be long now, Mas by sounds. Stuff I've read about labours like this is that they seem to take an age to get going but once they do the baybee positively FLIES out in no time at all.

Hope everyone else is well.

I'll see your itchy boobs and raise you an itchy belly, Bitey!

And have invested in some prune juice today

Wonderful news LadyG. I am so happy for you. What a Christmas present, eh?

And yes, seeing a heartbeat at 8 weeks is excellent odds of everything continuing well. Nearly as good as at 12 weeks. So celebrate!

GG that is fab news, I'm really pleased for you.

Fab news, Lady GG!

Had my 28week appointment today ? all seems fine, bump measuring 30cm so bigger than my weeks, but no issue ? though midwife expected me to be smaller, said I have a deceptive bump! Also got my Anti-D; still confused as to what they expect to happen re other half?s blood type, seems they don?t normally bother, and she said it was up to me whether to get it or not, some people don?t unless they get bleeding. I just went ahead as I figure prevention is better than cure. And got it in my thigh rather than my bum, which was marginally better.

I plan to have a little wine and champagne on Christmas Day. I?m glad I can still have smoked salmon. The cheeseboard, if it just comes from the supermarket, will probably be available to me, other than the blue as most supermarket cheeses are pasteurised.