The PESH in a manger

[LadyGoneGaga]

No booze for our heads,
No clubbing, no Class A's,
No more pants of red

The midwives in the hossie,
Looked down where we lay,
A bunch of old, evil hags,
Fucked on Gas and A.

Ho, ho, ho you bunch of Hoes.

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April.
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8.
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24.
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29.
AlpinePony, boy, born 1 July.
Carrots, boy, born July.
IggyPiggy, girl, born July.
Cosmosis, boy, born Sept 5.
Backinthebox, boy, born Sept 7.
Skatergrrrl, girl, born Sept 10.
VAG, boy, born Oct 2.
Silversky, boy, born Nov 1
SomethingSuitablyWitty, girl born Nov 2
okiecokie, girl, born Nov 12
Honeymoo, boy, born Nov 11
ReginaMonologue, boy, born Nov 13

UPDIFFED

maswera, can't possibly be having a baybee next week, due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not, due 22 Jan
ChoChoSan, "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb", due 31 Jan
CluckyKate, hatching an egg, due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science, due February 24
Muser, blooming at last, due February 27
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole, completely out of witty things to add, due April 8
Scorpette, now carrying a RL baby in addition to Clothilda and the squid, due 18th May.
Laurielou, the unmarried hussy with the "surprise" diff, due 31 May (ish)
Rocketleaf, no longer jealous of morning sickness, due 1 June.
Twinkle Toes, supergluing her fanjo shut, due 23 June.
LadyGoneGaga, Compulsive Stick pisser, due 28 July

Personally I think someone pressed the fast forward button. It just doesn't seem right.

mas is rather quiet, I hope for good reasons and not just because she's feeling rubbish.

I am sat here with a wodge of tissue up my nose trying to stem the billionth nosebleed of the day. Oh the glamour. Stupid colds making my nose bleed. I want to go to bed and can't until the thing stops.

How's the snow by you Polster? Not going to cause any problems if you do suddenly start laying?

yo peshies. just popping by to holler up the collective foofs of mas and pol:

"come 'ead baybees - we wants to meet yer!"

Can i just have a massive WAHHHHHH moment?

I have just bottled the damson gin, to GIVE AWAY AS PRESENTS, It tastes fugging AMAZING. Why oh why oh why did I make 3 litres of damson gin the year I am diffed? I also have 2 icecream tubs of left over gin steeped damsons that also taste AMAZING (and VERY potent) and apparently go well with icecream. WAAAAHHHHHHH.

This is fricking unfair! I would like to keep one of the bottles of gin to wet the babies head with :D but I doubt it will last that long with TB around. Why couldn't I have been one of those differs that went off alcohol completely?

OK whine over.

muse 30 weeks? When the hell did that happen! Not seeing mid wife again til 25 weeks and that seems like eons away. (llallalalllal)

maaaaaa aaaaaaas Are you laying a baybee?

Keep a bottle and hide it somewhere only you know. Then it'll be there for wetting the baby's head. Could you freeze the damsons?

Have kept a few to freeze and going to give the rest away. Have already decided to keep a bottle for wetting the head. To be fair to TB if I tell him not to drink it, he won't (he's not THAT much of a booze hound)

Oh well, the original plan was to give most of it away, I think its just the coffee talking. I should just shut up really. :o

Right time to chill out for a it before tackling the snowy roads.

I want some too! Mmm, gin.

Now where's mas with an update?

I am missing booze too. Early yesterday evening MrM was going to the kitchen and asked if I wanted anything - Yes, I replied, a big glass of red wine. :( And later as he topped up his wine from dinner my pursed lip came out in sulk. I guess it is just the Christmas thing just making booze more noticeable.

mas where are you? Any news? None here... . Although we did have the sechs this morning, gawd that was an effort AND it hurt too - I reckon my foof must have closed up due to lack of use. Doesn't bode well for laying a baybee does it? The only effect the pineapple had was to make me poo loads. Harumph.

Muse we had about 3 inches of snow yesterday on top of the ice, which has made it pretty treacherous on the lanes. The only people that braved the roads yesterday were a couple of 4x4s. TG went off to see what the roads were like and went arse over tit in the middle of the road. He did one of the those comedy falls where he legs slid out from under him, he went up in the air and landed on his kidneys! I saw a neighbour this morning who has a 4x4 - he said once you get to the main roads (a couple of miles away) then it is clear, so I am not panicking too much. TG is even considering going out today - his sis is at MILs for the weekend and it is his only chance to see her before xmas. I am staying home however. I may do a bit of tidying and nesting, or I may just sleep all afternoon again.

Rocket you have just reminded me I have 2 litres of sloe gin hidden away in the cupboard. I need some bottles to decant into though and can't see me getting out and about to buy any before christmas. Perhaps I had better just keep it for myself. I'm sure I saw some recipes using leftover sloes. Maybe it was for jam, or some kind of pudding? Can't remember - will see if I can find. Sounded bloody lovely, whatever it was.

Here I am - but not really much further along... Pains got bad enough to put the tens machine on this morning - but they're still only coming v irregularly - sometimes 20 mins, sometimes an hour or so. Feeling less cold-related-shite at least though.

This baybee is clearly more in denial than I am!

What news, Mas? My pacing is wearing a hole in the rug...

Xmas highlights all the things we're missing out on. As I can't eat sugar and am allergic to caffeine, I only eat verh costly, special-recipe chocolate on my birthday and at Xmas; as caffeine gives me shocking headaches, and I'm having them virtually every day already, I have to forego the choc or my head will probably explode

I usually also make a shockingly boozy vodka trifle (yes, vodka - really works!) most years too - my only alcohol intake of every year (mainly because there's so much voddy in it that it counts as a year's worth of units, ha!). So am missing that. And home-made choc mousse. Waaah!

My headache is fairly mild at the mo, so we're going to go out to look for a shamelessly gaudy disposable Xmas table cloth and other stuff. We've been dad-dancing to naff choons and TYF has made us both a big apple pie each (cos of allergies), so is continuing to be a fab weekend. Hope everyone else is having a good 'un too :) Next week is going to be festive-mental busy...

That still sounds promising mas, I hope they get more regular soon.

I have had the perfect Sunday morning. Watched Beauty & the Beast on the telly all wrapped up in a blanket and TBG presented me with excellent bacon rolls and a cup of tea.

Now going to venture to the shops down the road to try and find me some new winter boots. I at least need some flat short boots, even if I can't find any knee highs to go over my calves (I have big calves that defeat most boots). If I can find something to keep me going for now I can always go to Duo in the New Year and get knee highs.

That sounds like a fab Sunday morning Muse. Although I'd prefer 101 Dalmations to Beauty and the Beast any day. Good luck with the boot buying!

Mas I hope the contractions start to regulate soon, must be so frustrating.

Well TG and Boo have made it out of the village, so I'm guessing the midwife should be able to get in, should I ever actually go into labour.

I'm going to curl up now and watch Big Fish in peace, never seen it before. Will probably end up sleeping through it anyway.

We ventured out on foot to the nearby Toys R Us, boy is that a soulless place - to get a final Christmas present (and a reduced romper suit fell into my hands too.) The walk there was fine but I really flagged on the way home.

We couldn't find any decent festive table coverings, but we have had a lovely, laugh-filled walk and got a few Xmas bits in (inc. cranberries to make our own sauce - yes, we are mad). Am now watching Annie - which I shamelessly/shamefully (delete as appropriate) know all the words to - and getting ready to fix me some apple pie. Am going to make a quiche later. Om nom nom!

I just want a bacon cob now, thanks to Muse

Hope Mas is a-laying

And Pol, we're in countdown week for you now, aren't we? Eeeek!

I have boots. And am now home, wrapped in blanket again, waiting to be handed a mug of mulled cider and a mince pie.

A very merry midwinter to you all

Mmmm mmmph mmmph mmmm.

Sorry can't speak, am head first in the gingerbread.

Move over muse, gimmee some of that gingerbread. I can't cross my legs any more. My thighs are too fat. Baby laying sech looking even more attractive for the FC.

Impressed with your action in the bedroom polster. Logistics on positions please? Or is that TMI???

How are you doing mas?

mm, gingerbread.

GIIIIINGERBREAD!

Boo, can you send me the recipe? Am looking for a sticky gingerbread one :)

Any gingerbread left for me? Thanks Boo

TG managed to get home ok eventually - although why he chose to enter the village down the steepest hill I do not know. He had no control and the only way he could slow himself down was to come down at a 45 degree angle with one tyre facing into the bank. And he was driving my fucking car! I'm going to inspect it for damage tomorrow morning, grr. As soon as they were in the house Boo told me that daddy was driving too fast and she was scared, poor love.

We are watching Dogma. I love this film. I love Alan Rickman too.

Well I watched the weather forecast for the week on Countryfile. Yet more snow and ice tomorrow and for about the next week. FFS. Why does this have to happen when I am due to lay? Swear it is not helping my blood pressure. I am now keeping legs firmly shut until after xmas - no more secks, pineapple, clary sage, bouncing on the ball or nipple tweaking until after christmas. Or I get bored. Plz to let weather forecast be wrong?

Oh and MsFC I'm not sure you really want to know about our bedroom antics. It was all rather stressful, what with Boo shouting up the stairs every 5 mins, the dog trying to join in and the phone ringing. Oh yes, and the bbc news on in the background. It was well secksy.

Glad you're all enjoying the ginger treats laydeez.

Scorps I used Nigella's recipe - from Nigella Christmas - hold on will google...here you go

Sex while pregnant requires a good sense of humour.

Most things while pregnant require a good sense of humour...