The PESH in a manger

[LadyGoneGaga]

No booze for our heads,
No clubbing, no Class A's,
No more pants of red

The midwives in the hossie,
Looked down where we lay,
A bunch of old, evil hags,
Fucked on Gas and A.

Ho, ho, ho you bunch of Hoes.

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April.
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8.
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24.
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29.
AlpinePony, boy, born 1 July.
Carrots, boy, born July.
IggyPiggy, girl, born July.
Cosmosis, boy, born Sept 5.
Backinthebox, boy, born Sept 7.
Skatergrrrl, girl, born Sept 10.
VAG, boy, born Oct 2.
Silversky, boy, born Nov 1
SomethingSuitablyWitty, girl born Nov 2
okiecokie, girl, born Nov 12
Honeymoo, boy, born Nov 11
ReginaMonologue, boy, born Nov 13

UPDIFFED

maswera, can't possibly be having a baybee next week, due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not, due 22 Jan
ChoChoSan, "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb", due 31 Jan
CluckyKate, hatching an egg, due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science, due February 24
Muser, blooming at last, due February 27
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole, completely out of witty things to add, due April 8
Scorpette, now carrying a RL baby in addition to Clothilda and the squid, due 18th May.
Laurielou, the unmarried hussy with the "surprise" diff, due 31 May (ish)
Rocketleaf, no longer jealous of morning sickness, due 1 June.
Twinkle Toes, supergluing her fanjo shut, due 23 June.
LadyGoneGaga, Compulsive Stick pisser, due 28 July

I watched the last ep. of AHH last night - have found the whole series v gripping (end ep. the weakest, mind). But not as gripping as MAS WATCH!

Hope you get a good night's sleep in time for some exciting developments later tomorrow, Mas :)

Want news from gusset watch!

(delurking to sing "The Ciiircle of liiiiife".)

C'mon mas, we needs news! I love this bit!

Morning!

No baybee laying here yet unfortunately. Woke up to some blood - of the bloody type rather than the mucusy type - which they say to get checked out, so I called the Maternity Unit & they said go in to get it looked at. So I did - they had a fiddle around and said they might induce me.... but then said it was probably OK so I should toddle on my way and wait for something to happen. I'm apparently softening up but not yet opening - so not much the wiser as to when the blimmin thing is coming out....! Ah well, at least it's a start.... :)

Softening is good though - all going in the right direction! All very exciting!

Just wanted to tell you all about these. Not very attractive, but bloody comfy...

maswera I think you'd been and gone by the time I fell pissed into the palais so you won't have the foggiest who I am, but wishing you an easy sneeze!

milano gorgeous news about your scan my lip has had quite a wobble for you this morning

I have first appt with MW on Monday, bit nervous as this will mean I really am diffed and not just inflicting psychosomatic symptoms on self and FDH!

ohh mas tings are hotting up!

bit with mothercare webo mrs saw lovely bra on that page you posted, better than half price, clicked on my size and its FULL PRICE! as are the matching knickers in my size only, bah. Thats sizist that is.

I did the same thing Rocky - seems that only the waifs and anorexics qualify for discounts.

Getting ver excited about imminent arrival of new FESHlets - good luck Mas & Polly...hope something starts happening soon!!!

Am suffering from the lurgies today - coughing like a 40-a-dayer which is playing havoc with the old bladder. Hurrah for Tena-lady

Super scan news Milano & good luck with the MW Bites - s'pect we'll be seeing more of you round these parts then

Morning all. Softening is good Mas, all going in the right direction. I don't think I am in danger of catching you up yet - spent last night bouncing and tweaking, and today I have clary sage on the oil burner and an enormous pineapple to get through so I am trying my best. I did have a rummage before bed last night and I could feel my cervix (last week it was so far recessed I had no hope) and it is very soft and squishy. You know how it softens from nose to lip texture when you are fertile? This was way more squishy than that. Think melting marshmallows. Tmi?! Still, it was very firmly closed. Will you just come the fuck on baybee? I am not going to get more ready than I am now.

Saying that though, I have a feeling I may be subconsciously holding it in until 'The List' is all ticked. However, seeing as the only things left on it are things for TG to do I will probably still be pregnant this time next year!

Meant to add, well done on scan Milano and hello and congrats to BiteMe - apologies if I have already done so. Head is up arse atm.

Right, off to make batches of lasagne for freezer. I fear I may have over done it a bit on the bulk-buying and cooking front. The fridge freezer is rammed to bursting and so is the chest freezer. What? I just like to be prepared...

You will be so glad for making all that, Pol. Esp if TG is claiming he has forgotten how to cook or some such nonsense.

I feel like death. Sorry. But I do. Went to acupuncture woman this morning who filled me full of needles in an attempt to make it go away. But it is still here. Sorry, am achey and shivery and suspect have MiniG's bug on top of the greenness.

Have cancelled the wotk Christmas do (only for me, obv) - going to stay in and be miz in comfort of own home.

Luckily my nausea buggers off somewhere round the 12-14 weeks mark so only another 4-6 weeks to go, eh

I am, however, excited by all this imminent laying - I know you're both just holding out in order to get on the telly on Christmas eve.

So sorry you are feeling so rough GG. I don't blame you for staying home. Get a duvet and a DVD boxset and curl up for the afternoon.

Thank you, but I have no desire to be flashing my fanjo face on prime time tv. Or any tv. Or even a handheld camcorder thingy. I will leave that to Mas.

FC those massive knickers...has it come to this? Ah well, I bet they are really comfy and practical

I can not understand why anyone would want to be filmed during labour, I really can't. I did love that huffy chinese lady on the first (?) series. I never saw the one where she actually had her baybee tho. Although Boo told me off for being so mean about one of the really whiney younguns, I will probably have to eat my words in 6 months time :o

Sorry you are feeling rough lady at least you know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I feel shit myself today but I think there is a connection between these headaches and eating badly, I normally get them the day after I have been a bit naughty.

Last night was fun, we went for a meal and then had a look round the xmas market (well i had a look round, everyone else went to the bar :o) Evening was slightly marred by Cojones boy storming off in a huff after myself and the other sober person took his (5th) pint off him and demanded his car keys when we realised he intended to drive home. I feel a bit bad as I prob could have handled it a bit more subtly but he pissed me off, stupid boy, thinks he is invincible.

By the way Mas hope things move on apace without anymore talk of induction.

Polly am I the only person here not familiar with the location and feel of my own cervix - if I can feel a head coming out of it, I'll assume it's ready?

Quick poll for second timers...was your first baybee late (cover your ears WeeWee )? People say one is more likely to be late for first birth, and frankly, that does not sit well with my plans!

Cho I am afraid to say that Boo was 12 days late. I was sure she'd be early... shows how much I knew. I am afraid this one will be late too, but I really want it out now. I've had enough. Of course I could just wait until I feel a head coming out, but I am impatient and virgo and like to plan, so if there are any hints I can get then I will happily ram my fingers up my foof!

Cojones Boy sounds like a twat rocket. Good on you for taking his car keys off him. Glad you had a good night though.

Wish I'd seen those mothercare pants a few months back.

I tried to find my cervix a few days ago to see if anything was happening - but couldn't reach it. Does it move away when you're pregnant then? And back when you're about to lay? I didn't know that. I might go for a propoer rummage later... Doctor was having a feel earlier & it was all rather uncomfortable - don't tell me childbirth is going to hurt more than that?!

Oooh, Mas, the ball is firmly rolling now. Don't keep us pacing in silence too long :)

I'm with Cho on the cervix front - come May, if a tiny human starts coming out of it, I'll know it's how it should be. I'm really unsqueamish normally, but become a coy Victorian bride about all things 'unmentionable' at thought of labour, eek!

Pooface, am constantly impressed by how much you do and I hope your tweaky bouncing and pineapple-scoffing really do the trick.

I am scared by how organised and efficient everypesh else is. Mind you, I've felt so consistently rubbish since the BGP that just doing the pots is a herculean effort that I feel I deserve a medal for

Sorry to hear LGG is still feeling so rough - just hope it goes asap. Voms plus anything else is just awful

Rocket, well done for taking the keys off Cojones Boy. I do enjoy hearing about his latest daftness, but drink-driving ain't funny. He sounds a right liability! Oh, and the grumpy oriental woman off OBEM was called Joy and was a real ESH hero when that was on. If you can find it online, the scene when she finally hears her baby crying and it is passed to her will make you weep buckets. My eyes have filled up just remembering the look on her face - the pain and stress of almost a decade of trying and endless IVF just lift from her face as she sobs through the biggest smile ever

Went into labour on NHS due date, Cho so punctual. Delivered next day after a 36 hour labour. Not as bad as it sounds as we really very mellow until the last 12 hours. Was sitting on birthing ball, eating pizza for tea, drinking red wine and watching Champions League final on the telly with my mellow contractions. All kicked off when I was examined fisted rather forcibly by midwife and found to be 6cm. Think am going to try and avoid being examined as much as poss next time.

And it was only so long because MiniG got stuck in a bizarre presentation scenario which is vey rare (face first and head turned sideways) - and they still managed to pull him out by the fanny with aid of a plunger attachment so not so bad overall.

Was up and in the shower like a baby fawn a couple of hours later.

PS I hit the 18-wk mark yesterday. Seeing as everyone in my family (on both sides, I've discovered!) was born at 36 weeks*, I could be halfway there already!

My first was late Cho but that is not necessarily the case...look at our cake carrying friend

The lateness of DD is def. of a pattern in our family - both my Mum & my sister had to be induced with their first and virtually bang on time with the second. So, I have high hopes for this little fellas punctual arrival

Rocket I think the chinese lady had ECS in the end and lived happily ever after....her poor husband though.

Oooh PokeHerFace, due date would be just right, but I will do without the fisting - I am under so much pressure down below that I can't imagine poking about to see if my cervix is right - I think it's rusted over now anyway, plus overgrowth that Sleeping Bealuty's prince would have difficulty battling through.

Poll, forgive me for asking, but how comes you are vigorously cleaning your birthing room now, when your due date is Xmas, and Boo was two weeks late...is it the power of wishful thinking, or have they given you a new date?

Half way, Scoresonthedaoors...huzzah for the Tao of BESH!