The PESH deli – how extraorder, we're all in pig

[Muser]

We smacked our ovaries and sent them to Madame Bovary, and now we're in pig. MSDP ends here, just waiting for the MAD lot to join us.

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29
Skihorse, boy, born 1 July
Carrots, boy, born July
IggyPiggy, girl, born July

UPDIFFED
Cosmosis, the baybee that is never going to come out, due August 22
backinthebox, thinking of inventive uses for courgettes, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September 1
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
silversky, the biggest farter, due 18 October (first baybee)
Honeymoo, 3 wees a night, due October 31 (boy)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November 14
ReginaMonologue, knows when all the sales are, due November 20 (boy)
maswera, jungle hottie - due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
ChoChoSan "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb" due 31 January
CluckyKate, hatching an egg - due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science - due February 24
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Muser, I threw up behind a tree - due February 27
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole living on hula hoops - due April 10
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not

Also (cluster posting!)

I wholeheartedly agree with ski re birthplan. My birth was very much not what I had hoped for...apart from the end result. Who is gorgeous and amazing and would not have been improved by being born in any other way :)

silver, FC? It stands for Fat Controller - he's a bit podge & likes to think he rules the roost. He doesn't of course!

honey, thanks for your advice. I tried again with the FC but he still seemed unimpressed. Its early days yet though - give me time! In the meantime I think I'm going to get the CD, what is the name of the one you have?

ON another note - I don't work Fridays, and I told the FC that I was going to go and buy some new boots today. His response? 'Are you sure your ankles won't swell so you can't wear them?'

Cheeky fucker.....

I had to get MrM to pull one of my ankle boots off last night as it as stuck. Took much effort.

"I have visions of box and mr box playing 'wheelbarrow races' "

Add me to the birth plan list. The thing with plans is they can only go so far. On the day, who knows what is going to happen? The required end result is healthy and happy mother and baby. If you get too hung up on how that's going to happen you can drive yourself nets. Various people have suggested to me that I might want to have a hospital birth plan (the first choice of birth,) a home birth plan (mother had VERY quick labours,) A C Section birth plan (in case it all goes the same way as last time,) an instruments birth plan..... utterly ridiculous! The main points I have discussed in great detail with OH and my IM, I've also had a meeting with the head delivery suite midwife. Between us we have a good idea of what I am aiming for and writing 5 page essays won't actually help much more. I always get very when I read new mothers who get distressed when their birth plan isn't followed and, say, the wrong track was being played when the baby came out!

nets = nuts. Sorry, typing gone all to shit.

TGO has promised to buy me some lufferly boots we saw the other day after Artie has decided to make an appearance. I did try some on, but feet are slightly wider than normal atm and don't want to buy any now as don't know if they'll un-splay themselves or not. I like boots.

VAG, I too think you look v glam and lovely and not at all whale-like. I suppose I shoudl do new pic really before Artie arrives.

Clucky's Birth Plan:

I plan to give birth

Ta dah!

Box - Has you read this weeks Nag n' Dog??? Is interesting piece on your hunting lot

MrFC needs to be re-educated on the boot protocol - will not do to deprive yourself of stuff based on what might happen, no?

Is is wearing boots today too, and non-maternity tights which just about stretched around my non-existent waist. Will return to maternity ones another day.

Clucky the article doesn't really do the utter mess justice. Tis even worse in real life.

As for footwear - I am very lucky that Mr Box is a footwear obsessive and believes in the human right to wear whatever your feet NEED right at that moment in time. This has even extended to buying me Dubarry's and suggesting I pop along to the ski shop to get myself a new pair of ski boots. He does not bat an eyelid if I buy new shoes (as long as they are good quality. He does not like me to buy 6 pairs of cheap and nasty flip flops if I can buy one expensive pair instead.) He is a skinflint in all other ways - but understands about boots and shoes!

Cos my feet remained nearly a whole size bigger after last time. Don't be surprised if yours stay a little bit bigger too.

Now - onto important matters. Does anyone want a temperamental 3 yo redhead? Because quite frankly she's going to be lucky to see 4 if she keeps this level of tantrumming up. She's getting herself so overwrought I can't even understand what it is she wants to shut her up! And is not helping herself by waking up at 4am to play with her toys.

Didn't go too great with the midwife I'm afraid. She says my cervix has shortened to about 1cm (though still fully closed etc) and that it would normally still be about three. This in turn suggests that the sensations I've been feeling are some sort of mild contraction and that the uterus is irritable. She has told me to go home and rest completely for the weekend, taking some herbal thing to calm and relax the uterus. I'm seeing the doc Monday anyway, so he can have a check to see if things have improved by then. If not I may be looking at stronger meds and maybe even bed rest for a while.

I'm just wrapping up in the office now before heading off to hit the sofa.

Feeling pretty down about it all really. But I'll try and stay away from google and focus on relaxing totally...

Get into bed right now Switty, and make sure your OH knows it is his job to be your slave! Good job it's the weekend - send him out for sweeties and DVDs.

Yes, get into bed now and don't get out. You don't want to have to be forced to rest in hospital. Keep your chin up though...

Did you see this

Bed Witty, now. Do nothing. Not even fetch biscuits. You are to be waited on. You may need a little bell to ring for attention.

Hope you're in bed by now Witty . No messing, please.

DVD boxed sets are your friend I reckon. What sort of thing are you into?

Definitely bed and a little bell, Witty. And give the baby a stern talking-to about staying put.

hope you can have a good rest over the weekend, Switty.

Can someone tell me about parma ham? Verboten, or OK if heated?

switty rest up lassie, lots of books/TV/nice biscuits. xxx We are here if you need entertainment!

ski/box I hear you on the birth planning and don't worry, despite what you may already think I am not planning having any frigging lavender or Diptique candles in the house (more of a pomegranate noir candle girl actually).

None of this for me is about achieving some nonsensical 'birth experience'. It's about trying to remain calm in the face of what is going to happen. I'm a panicker and I know i will need every strategy going to try and keep me calm, no matter what happens. If anything, the homebirth option is merely about staying at home as long as I can (but with 2 midwives and a doula, that I otherwise wouldn't have there!). If I can aim for things to happen in a straightforward way, why wouldn't I try my best to achieve that? Even if all that happens is that I don't allow myself to go into total panic freefall once in hossie, hopefully hippobirthing will help with that.

I've spent most of my pregnancy reading about what might happen and yes it could happen to me, but equally it might not. Reading about it and worrying about it doesn't help because as box pointed out, I will merely be trying to contingency plan for everything! I'm trying to mentally prepare for the fact that I can't control this and the best thing I can do therefore is be as relaxed as possible when it does. Am not allowing myself to read anymore scary stories on MN or elsewhere!!!

meddle haven't eaten any parma ham myself, but more because it hasn't been offered. Cooked is fine, raw supposedly not. But seriously when was the last time you got food poisoning from parma ham?

I didn't mean that meanly by the way! I ate loads of crab and shellfish all week!

Today has brought out the paranoid in force I see over in Pregnancy - this has brought out my KILL KILL KILL urge nicely : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1034031-swimming-when-pregnant

Switty - that sounds crap - but do as doc says - and send him out for DVDs/takeaways. I heartily recommend the chinese takeaway at the roundabout by Merode, Place Saint Pierre I think.

I hope Parma ham is OK - I've practically lived on as a replacement for pate and blue cheese.

Ski "Er... if you can't spread your legs, how's the sex working out for you? [boggle]"

[Really big snort!] Oooh, you are bad!

My thread of the day which is pissing me off is the one about women letting their husbands drive if they are going long distance or on the motorway. Apparently this is because women who do that are either phobic or pathetic girlies who can't manage big machinery. I tried putting across the argument that you don't have to be either - it might just be that you can't be arsed or that OH like driving more than you do, to be slapped down as letting womankind down with my pathetic letting-the-men-do-everything-for-me. Of course I have decided to bite my lip, as clearly I am fine with big machinery.....

PS I like the idea of a little bell too

thanks ladies, I thought I had read something about cured meats. I had it cooked for a couple of mins (on top of a pizza).

Now, have I been erroneously eschewing smoked salmon for the same reason?

aha!

Can I eat cold meats and smoked salmon when I'm pregnant?
Some countries advise pregnant women not to eat cold meats or smoked fish because of the risk of listeria. In the UK, we don't advise women to avoid these products because the risk is very low. The risk of listeria is much higher with cheeses such as Camembert, Brie or chevre (a type of goats' cheese), and others that have a similar rind, or pâté, which you shouldn't eat during pregnancy. However, if you are concerned, you might also choose to avoid cold meats and smoked fish while you are pregnant.

boxer Maybe it's only "wet spread legs" which can kill the baybee - again, how's that sex working out for her? Fucknuts.

I has massive issue which makes me aubergine with rage - but can't think of a way of wording it without calling a large proportion of mners cunts.

Right, shall stop menkulling, or next I will be worrying about swimming or carrying a cake.

Seriously, how can swimming be anything other than good for you?