The PESH deli – how extraorder, we're all in pig

[Muser]

We smacked our ovaries and sent them to Madame Bovary, and now we're in pig. MSDP ends here, just waiting for the MAD lot to join us.

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29
Skihorse, boy, born 1 July
Carrots, boy, born July
IggyPiggy, girl, born July

UPDIFFED
Cosmosis, the baybee that is never going to come out, due August 22
backinthebox, thinking of inventive uses for courgettes, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September 1
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
silversky, the biggest farter, due 18 October (first baybee)
Honeymoo, 3 wees a night, due October 31 (boy)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November 14
ReginaMonologue, knows when all the sales are, due November 20 (boy)
maswera, jungle hottie - due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
ChoChoSan "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb" due 31 January
CluckyKate, hatching an egg - due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science - due February 24
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Muser, I threw up behind a tree - due February 27
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole living on hula hoops - due April 10
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not

Has anyone heard of Epi No? recommended by doula and hippobirthing woman... It's like a bike pump you shove up your foo foo and inflate - and then "gently expel". Apparently they are recommended for last few weeks to get your foo foo bigger and more stretchy, plus also gives you a bonus preview of the crowning sensation. £90 but might meant you don't tear as much etc etc. Is £90 worth an intact perineum? I think so...

Also another stupid question to the second timers. I've bought the moses basket - do I need to wash the padding bit that goes around the edge of the basket?

Actually scores it's my birthday in two days and the number is far too large to comprehend. Let's just say that it's the one where I finally find out the meaning of life.

switty
I do an advanced class, and have done it for about 5 years as an adult now (did it as a child and long since gave it up) so I would say I am competent, and have a few exam certificates to prove it, but not going to be troubling the spirit of Gene Kelly any time soon!

scorps Having had a supply teacher once who was 8 months pregnant, I figured I had no excuse but to carry on (and besides, I would miss it). I'm not sure I will sign up for the post-Christmas term though.

And of course I wear a red sequin leotard and top hat!

Had my first proper baby dream last night; I was bringing it home for the first time. Strangely, was on my own. Lay for ages with it on my bare chest, which was lovely, and then tried to feed it, which started well, until it informed me (yes, it could talk already!) that it didn't like my milk and vomited up some cottage cheesey stuff. And it looked freakily like MrM. Not MrM as a baby, but MrM now. Very strange.

Moo Would a hairdryer do the trick? Or a regular bike pump? I recall the chances of perineum tearing is reduced by 10% with perineum massage - last time to me the stats were not worth the hassle or the pain. Now if it was 90% reduced risk that would be a different matter. I would probably say yes to the washing of mosses basket stuff.

Meds that sounds weird.

you and your bloody hairdryers! You can't be pointing those up your foofy you know. You'll blow that baybee out. :) Apparently you set the epi no for bigger and bigger each week. Until you get to 10cm. Owwwwwwwwwwwww.

Very, Okie!

moo I hear your 14days and halve it. Aye only seven left for me! I have loads to do. Like loads. Like mega loads. Like I am never gonna get it finished before I leave. I guess that's what maternity leave cover is for non?

scorps fall out with the rentals is cos they offered to buy cot. I said no need. Cot we did have is not going to work out. So I called rents and asked if offer still stood. One parent got really shirty and said it wasn't appreciated that I called up asking for money!!!! WTF!!!

Sticky situ with HI's client has reared it's ugly head. Some people are just super nasty. I so totally hope that karma is exists cos this guys deserves allthe bad luck in the world. Tho half me thinks he is trying his luck cos otherwise he would have gone straight down the legal route. Can't go into details here.

On plus side dog man has been and oven man is here now!! Can't believe that I am not going to spend the day waiting in!!

To do list today - tidy main bedroom and pack hossie bag.

I also bought from kiddiecare those apron towels which are organic cotton which you wear as an apron, scoop sprog out of bath, bring to chest and then wrap towel around sprog. So basically you have handsfree when taking sprog out of bath. Easy peasy.

honey arnica works by thinning the blood (basically) - can encourage hemorrhage if you're prone to it. I would suggest taking it under the advice of a herbalist only as it's very strong.

I seem to recall Cossie had an extremely healthy and active pregnancy - no need to fear exercise.

I slept on my front the night before the day I had him.

honey If you're worried about your fanjo looking like an aubergine on the floor of a Tesco metro on a Saturday afternoon - why not book in for a cut & shut?

Scorpio - welcome....we haven't met but really thrilled to hear your news & looking forward to having a laugh at hearing your menkulling.

I hear your pain FC - I is a 43 too. I resort to men's shoes usually & live in my cowboy boots. For something a bit more girly Jones is my saviour, although no idea why thy insist a 9 is a 42 (plus some of their 9's are too small).

Voodoo vibes to HI's clients Silver

I am very cheered up by people having size 43 feet - in the nicest possible way! I have size 41 and already find it hard to get shoes that I like and that fit, so I can hardly imagine what it would be like having to look for size 43. You are making me feel that I actually have it relatively easy! I also find with size variation though that some 41s are too small. I am only about 5ft 8 though - a bit smaller than you guys!

Will do rots - I suspect afterwards only probably best advice.

ski I don't think my birth guru can do that on my living room floor can they? although I suppose I could bring my Best of Enya CD and lavender compress with me.

Ski that suggestion is getting more and more appealing as time goes on. I can't even walk across the office without feeling like I will pee my pants or that my bladder is being jumped on and will fall out.

So, I get into the office this afternoon and my 2 remaining colleagues have the heating on! FFS! I can't wait to leave. Little things like the fucking heating being on making the office like a sauna are pissing me right off. However, the temperature in the office is always a constant battle. If they are fucking cold then put a jumper on. If I am hot I can hardly sit in my bra and pants with my gut out can I?

Propor O M G

I am in aktual tears here scorps that is seriously the best news EVAH!!!!!!

I would nekkid dance but I fear I would liberally spray you with milk (let's just say I have no supply ishoooos) so I'll keep me bra and breast pads on. Oh and me giant pants to spare you the horror of my undercarriage one week on.

I am so over the moon for you.

okie It might have the effect of making them fuck off and then you can turn the heating back down...

Fanks Kate. I echo those thoughts.

I am trying desperately not to fall asleep. ESP as Oven man is still here. HI has just given me a job to do. Go to the bank! Awwww but I soooooooooo tired.

Hey I Love tap. Used to do it as a kid. Managed to scratch the kitchen floor to death with my pracice sessions.

okie can you not email office manager/HR type person and tell them that the constant heating is making you feel ill. I would pretty much guarantee that it will get turned off after that. Fucking twats, I won't allow heating on until at least November.

silver btw, my mr moo is legal person, so by all means if you want to run anything past me to ask him - please do. Email me on other place if you want to... x

Yay cossie's back with squirty boobs! How are you lurverly?

I have just bought my first thing for this baybee - an Ergo Baby Carrier! Quite excited now.

Weren't those towel/apron things a Dragons Den invention Silver? Glad to hear you and HI are getting on better. (for now!)

Am v jealous of Muse's holiday... sounds just idyllic.

Btw, for those Mitford fans, did you hear this on Friday? radio 4 interview I caught the tale end of it and keep meaning to do the 'listen again' thing.

i am mostly over the moon honey. I can't put it into words.

Gah, spelling fail - tail. FFS

HR?? What is that!? There are only 3 of us in the UK and "HR" (aka useless c**ts) are in Switzerland. Don't worry I am the most senior here so I always get my way I do. The air con is on and has been since 5 seconds after I walked through the door. It is generally on and off like a whores knickers though as we can never come to an agreed temperature where we are all happy. I say I will work from home and then they moan it is like a morgue and too quiet. They want my company (not sure why..), then they have the air con ON!

cossie that is so lovely. I am really happy for you. It's making me so excited for 6 weeks to hurry up now. Whereabouts in the land are you? Isn't Iggy down sarf?

:) your colleagues sound nuts. I'm sure evveryone can't wait to get rid of me here, am so lazy now. You are lucky to have aircon though. Here we have to make do with desk fans and actual windows. It's really medieval.