Minione - I have nothing really helpful to say, I'm not functioning at the moment, I don't want to say I'm sorry because if you're feeling anything like me you'll be sick of hearing it, it doesn't make anything better - but I'm in exactly the same place as you, and I truly understand how much you're hurting - and I guess that 'finding it so hard' doesn't even cover it. Its so heartbreaking to meet yet another person like this here, but I've been on this thread almost a week and the ladies here are wonderful, supportive and understanding.
Our beautiful girl Anabelle was born sleeping on the 21st June, we were told the previous Wednesday 16th in an emergancy scan that her heart had stopped beating and it took 5 days to induce labour. I was 32 weeks. I also gave birth through a haze of morphine and spent a lot the time passed out. My full post about it all is on page 12.
I hope you find some help in coming here - I've always found MN, throughout pregnancy and since a sort of haven. A place where I can be truly honest about how I'm feeling, and I already know there is no judgement here on this thread. Sending you much love x x
We went to the cemetery this afternoon, there was a lady visiting a grave a couple further up from Belle. She asked us if it was a young persons grave - when I replyed it was our daughter, she asked how old. I said she was born asleep - she didn't get it, I had to then explain stillborn. I hate the word stillborn. I struggled to get it out of my mouth. Then she just said oh, oh, and walked away. Theres an elephant we were talking about the other day, my stillborn daughter made her uncomfortable. - don't bloody intrude on my time there if the answers you're given make you uncomfortable.
Lunatic - my DH is teeting around taking up smoking again. I think one drunk evening would do it around now. I hope he manages to stay off the fags though, he did so well giving up. My wine intake isn't looking so hot at the moment, I've drunk 1 or 2 glass almost every evening in the last week since the funeral....
CP has crossed my mind in the last week and made me wonder too, although I don't know if it would be any sort of risk or factor in my case. Next doors little girl had in the inbetween week between my first admission to hospital and us losing Belle. But I work with kids and there have been many CP outbreaks throughout my pregnancy in school with no effects to me - MW were always telling me I wasn't at risk because I'd had it as a child. But would being around it in the run up to my 'prem labour' and Belle going to sleep have had any effect. I don't suppose we'll ever know, and I'm clutching at things. I do wonder what these blood/placenta results at the end of July will say about anything....