Our safe haven thread for bereaved mums and anyone who has been affected by the bereavement of a child - whatever age,

[shabbapinkfrog]

The most supportive, loving, loyal thread on Mumsnet - I wouldn't know what to do without all of you x

Peterpansmum - don't worry i understand

Crumpette - I've walked away from the puter to get on with some work (don't want to do it but thats another story) and I can't stop thinking about you and wondering if you are ok. Where are you? If you are near me (Dartford, greenwich areas) would a trip to a coffee shop help? I know you don't know me and i'm new but sometimes it helps to talk things through with some one who is a stranger if that makes sense? I was involved in a very abusive relationship before I met late DH it started as name calling and progress to being beaten, locked in cupbords while he went out, he even caused me to have 3 miscarrages by beating me. I'm so sorry for everything you have been through and that DH is treating you like this xxx

Huge hugs for you crumpette, You'll never be judged here. xxxx

Seconds what peterpansmum says. You are far from a loser

The offer is there even if it's just a walk around the park we are prob gonna take DC's there on Sunday if the weather holds.

Totally understand where you are coming from I did the exact same with my x

Good luck with the meeting

so many tears have fallen today my ds(3) has told me to stop crying and be happy. Told him im sad because i miss my db. As each month passes i find it harder to deal with.

Shelley I think thats a really normal feeling - also think reality hits hard when the funeral is over and the days, weeks and months seem to stretch ahead. It seems an impossible task to carry on living without our lost loved ones....but....we have no choice other than to put one foot in front of the other and remember to breathe. We 'owe' it to them to live our lives as well as we possibly can do xxxx

i dont think not knowing yet whether court is going ahead at the end of the month helps matters or not having a date for the inquest and that it may be brought forward to the original date which would leave me with 3 options: miss inquest, fly back for the day to go to inquest or cancel/postpone the honeymoon.

Morning girls xx

morning girls

Crumpette.. I dont know what to say .. can I send you a huuuugg instead

I had a meltdown yesterday at my work! Dunno what brought it on .. I think cos we are headed towards April and we are going to Disney on Monday and Fraser should be going

I shouted at a user.. got taken into a room and I just blubbed

6 years later (almost) and I am crying at my work I feel like an idiot

I nearly got knocked down by the rush of volunteers to start the new thread .. I wont be here.. cos and I dont know if I have mentioned this but I will be in Disney next week

so I would like to volunteer pppm ... what do you reckon peter pan?

D'y know FM I was just thinking about the new thread in my depths of despair yesterday and thinking i'd really like to do it - would be an honour - so will go away and put my thinking cap on......

Had a shit day yesterday which resulted in red wine!! DS1 chucked a tantrum at the swimming lesson - took me 12 mins of his 30min lesson to co-erce him into the pool! Loads of 'I miss my brother' We were both sitting in the changing room in tears at one point - just crap crap crap!!

I think family holidays also come with a real bittersweet taste attached following the loss of a child. All those 'what should/could have beens.....'

Crumpette - how did your trip to work go yesterday - did you make it in there? U got plans for today?

Love to you all xx

Morning xxx

ShellyLou Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. I wish I know what to say xxx

Frasersmummy I Hate April & May I also hate Wednesdays both Georgie and Mal died on a Weds. Georgie died 10th April was cremamted 23rd April which is weird as it's st George's day! we didn't know that when we sorted it out. DS's birthday is the only good thing in April (30th) DD3 was actually due on 10th April but the consultant knew how distressed i was over it so brought my section forward to 27th I remember our 1st family holiday after Georgie died it was horrible Georgie was on the booking form and we had to take her off it. I cried so much while we were away, I'd see a baby of around the same age as she would have been and it set me off. We did things to remember her while we were away tho wrote her name in the sand that sort of thing.Also brought a trinket for her shelf something I have done on every family holiday and day out since. I agree with peterpansmum the bittersweet taste to everything following the loss of a child. Fraser will be with you, not physically but in your heart. Hope you do have a good time.

peterpansmum It's hard for us to hear out children talk about our angels but it is a good thing he is able to verbalise that he misses his brother Hugs to you both.

crumpette Thinking of you hoping your meeting went well.

I just want the next 3 weeks to hurry up and go away, 3 weeks today it will be 8 years since Georgie left me, each day takes me further away from her. The actual day itself we are going on a "Family Fun Day" with FSIDS to the tropical forest how much "Fun" I'll be I have no idea but in one way it will be a good thing as I know i will be with people who totally understand how I am feeling.

Today I am concentrating on plans for DD3's birthday next sat which is bittersweet - it hurts like hell today that her big sister won't be here and she will never know her at all apart from things I tell her, I wonder constantly what she would have been like as a big sister and even a little sister to DS would she have been girly like DD2 or would she have been a tomboy? the what if's etc are driving me mad. DD2 has grown up knowing she has a big sister in heaven and is very matter of fact about it One of her middle names is her Georgina, (i didn't want her called it even as a middle name but late DH did and he got his way) she sings eveynow and then Georgina is my sister she lives in heaven.

Sorry for the ramble and all the waffle.
Thinking of everyone today xxxx

Thanks ATACL. I'm not much better today, dreading work tonight as a customer will ask why i got funny yesterday and left without saying bye to him. Hes one of those cheeky blokes who wil have a laugh with but he really upset me and nearly lost his head as a result. I was fragile (understatement) anyway and he made a throwaway comment id have probably laughed of under normal circumstances but it made me so angry and upset. I had to hide in treasury then run into the office to avoid him so i didnt say anything.

Come here Shelley while I give you a hug xx

After we lost our Matt I had to take some shoes back because they were faulty - they, at first, refused to refund the money - I could hear someone wailing and sobbing and then realised it was me......I just screamed and sobbed....weirdly enough they gave me a full refund

thanks shabs. i've done that before aswell. Good about the refund though.
Im dreading going work tonight as i know he'll be there when i get in and will ask why i left in a hurry and didnt say bye when i usually do.I've got an awful cough atm and he told me not to bother buying any new clothes so i aked why he then said i wont need them as from the sound of it i wont be here for long. I hate the 19th anyway and that just took the piss. Especially as he knew when i went in that i lost my db on that day. i was talking to an employee on the door and he was there and i said i always have jd and coke on the 19th cos thats when db died and was his drink so he either didnt pay attention, forgot or just wanted to hurt me

big hugs girls, its a shit time for all atm, went to further away super market last night as i hate local ones ,where people know us and a women that was there when jayden stopped breathing was there, she came over and said cant believe hed be two now,no hed be friggin three, i was in tears as she said all i wanted to do was rub his little feet that night and warm him up, she had tears in her eyes,christ its shit why the fuck did he have to die and leave us like this.
big hugs and thanks girls for listening but in rl im meant to be fucking over all this crapxxxxxxxx

When I broke down at my work the other day I thought like you .. shit I'm supposed to be beyond all this but ..

Honestly Hazy please dont beat yourself up for feeling bad. I am afraid this is a life long journey. You will go so far doing well and then bang you will stumble. Some times when people are nice to you you will smile and think oh thats lovely that they remembered and unfortunately like yesterday it will reduce you to tears

There are no rights and wrongs, just an never ending stream of hurdles to cross .. some you will clear with ease... others you will fall over head first. But the point is you will get over them one at a time ...

and when you need a boost to get over .. we are here!!!

Morning - that has to be the worst nights sleep I have ever had!

This is my last post for a week as this time tomorrow I will be watching the disneyland parade

We are taking Fraser in our hearts and hope to build some lovely memories with his younger brother

I hope you all find something to smile about this week even if its only for a very short while

Take care my friends

I will be back next weekend with a report on how many characters Ross got his picture with !

frasersmummy, have a wonderful peaceful and fun time in disleyland! but, I've heard they have a terrible problem with vermin, giant mice all over the place x

Have a fab time fm

Another sunday, another v sad boy missing his wee brother at a birthday party

It's so hard to watch him grieve.

Have any of you taken your surviving children along to some sort of bereavement counselling? I've been told such a thing exists but keep thinking that at the moment my instincts tell me ds1 is talking to me regularly about his brother, outwardly telling me how much he misses me... just don't know if a bereavement group would do more harm than good atm but don't want to rule stuff out that may help at some point down the line.

Have struggled this weekend.

Crumpette - have been thinking of you and how much pain next month will bring for you... Just like me and mothers day you are going to have to endure easter as well as the anniversary date - it almost feels like a double whammy.

My dh had his first kidney transplant easter weekend back in 2001 and although it wasn't successful i always think about the donor family that weekend.

too towards the 'wellmeaning' muppets who sent you the easter cards too... hang on in there, bin the cards as they arrive, don't feel guilty - i'd do the same!! - and just do what's right for you at the moment.

Enjoy the hols FM - our shiny new thread will await your return xx

Have a fab holiday FM

just a quickie, but I'll be back tomorrow. I helped at a nearly new sale today and I'm pooped.

PPM my son, Dan, went to a child psychiatrist for over a year - it did him a lot of good and helped him to talk about stuff that he couldn't talk about to us. We went to the GP and he referred him for us. xx