hey guys. Thanks for all your messages - and thanks 2shoes for passing on my garbled messages to everyone here.
Right - dad's story:
He was passing blood last weekend but the doc came on the Monday and said it was nothing to worry about so he rang me Monday during the day to tell me he was fine and not to worry. Then at about 11.20 I got a phone call from my brother - dad had been vomiting blood and had been taken to the hospital and it was unlikely he would leave there - in fact they were saying that he may not last the night.
I packed a bag and drove over, getting there at about half past two in the morning. He was drifting in and out of sleep - not really unconsciousness, it was sleep and he knew I was there. His wife and I stayed with him all night and all day on the Tuesday and he was aware that we were there and we had a chance to have a bit of a talk, but mostly I just held his hand and Jude held his other hand. My brother came up on the Tuesday afternoon/evening and I left the hospital for a few hours to get a bit of sleep at their house.
I got back to the hospital about 4 on Wednesday morning and Jude went home for a couple of hours. dad was obviously in a lot of discomfort and was very unsettled, rather than sleeping he seemed to be more drifting out of consciousness. He was on a morphine pump and when he was awake enough to say he was in pain they gave him an injection which seeemed to help briefly. Jude got back to the hospital about 8.00 ish and between us we asked if he could have some more pain relief as he was getting quite distressed and it was obvious from his face that he was in a fair bit of pain.
The mac nurse came and said that they would give him an injection which may make him sleep but would settle him, make him calmer and take away any pain that he was in so he had an injection which didn't seem to work and an hour or so later they gave him another one which did seem to calm him.
As he looked to be falling into a nice sleep I said goodbye to him and told him I was coming home to see the children (it was dd1's birthday) and that I'd see him soon and I left the hospital. He died about half an hour later.
I am lost really - I can't say I miss him because he lived so far away I went for weeks or even months without seeing him so not being with him isn't odd, but knowing that he's not there is a really weird feeling.
I'm glad I was there with him, that he knew I was there, he knew my brother was there and he knew Jude was with him; I'm glad I had a chance to actually say goodbye. I'm glad the pain he was in was fairly short-lived and the staff at the hospital couldn't have been nicer (cup of tea anyone? sandwich? anything?) and I suppose if it had to happen at all, we had an extra year with him, we were all there at the end and as deaths go it was okay.
It was awful for dd1 for it to happen on her birthday, dd2 and ds don't really understand what's happened, they haven't seen him in the last year since he's been ill and they're only 5 and 4 so I'm not sure they even remember him properly and certainly don't understand the whole death thing.
Going back over to Wales tomorrow, with dd1 - funeral Thursday morning. Dp starts his new job on Thursday and after nearly two years out of work he can't really take the first two days off so although I would much rather he was with me, under the circumstances it's better that he goes to work and I'll go with dd1 and leave the littlies with their normal routine.
Will update again after the funeral. Thanks for being here guys, and sorry about my mammoth post, I haven't really told anyone the actual full story, because my close rl mates and dp had it in stages as it happened so it has been quite theraputic to get it all down. Makes it a bit more real though - last week seems like a bad dream and I keep having to ask dp "did I really go and sit with my dad while he was dying last week?" and "did my dad really die or did I dream it?"
I planned to take him to Wembley if city beat united in the semi-final... I knew I'd probably have to take him in a wheelchair but I had it all organised, we were just waiting for the result of the semi final. Then dad died. And city lost.
Thanks for being here guys. I have a feeling I've rambled and waffled but I'm not going to check what I've written before I post this, so forgive me if I've repeated myself or typed a load of tosh.
xx