Nancy, 2Shoes, Squonk, Sidge etc: Can you move over here please?

[LilRedWG]

The bloody site just deleted another huge message I'd typed on the thread so can we start this new one please so that I'm allowed on?

I'm not retyping as it made me cry the first time around, surfice to say that you are all in my thoughts. xxx

Thank you ladies.

solo and sidge - much love to you both. Take it easy on yourselves. x

Harib - I'm glad that your boys were so lovely, they really do help don't they.

nancy - well done!

mos - I can't believe you've name changed! LOL

Much love to you all.

xxxx

Eighteen months today since Dad died. I'm feeling pretty sad, but also trying to keep cheery for DD.

I wish he and Mum were still here, but I am glad that they are together and no longer in pain. Love you both. xxx

LilRed hugs to you. I know how you feel, it is so very hard isn't it. I have to keep reminding myself mum and dad are together again (and with their first son who died 50+ years ago when aged 3) so I should be happy but I miss them so much.
Hit me yesterday on long drive back from their old home (which I'm buying) We stopped off at Wisley gardens for some lunch and to let kids have a run around and I remembered that I'd taken mum there a few years ago and she had loved it.

Take care of yourself and everyone else of course x

MOS - thank you. It does hit at the str angest time doesn't it. :(

Hi all, hope everyone is doing ok.

LilRed hope you are doing ok. I'm struggling at the moment. Was starting to pull myself out of the depression but can feel I'm going back down that slope. The slightest thing is making me cry at the moment and I can't think straight. Am supposed to be organsing mum and dad's gravestone but I just can't do it. Its too painful but then its painful and upsetting when I visit the grave without a stone. Life is shit. Its not fair.

sorry for self centred whinging I just miss them so much. took DD and DS to visit inlaws yesterday and it hurt so much seeing them cuddling my baby boy (ok so he is 18 months, not a baby anymore) when my mum and dad didn't get to see him.

MOS - do not apologise for feeling as you do and definitely not for telling us. I can't imagine how painful it is for you needing to sort your Mum and Dad's headstone. :(

As for seeing DC's with ILs, I can definitely empathise with that. I struggle with ILs seeing stuff that Mum and Dad never will and I know I'll find it hard when the baby is born.

Much love, and 'whinge' away as much as you need to - either on here or via email. xxx

Thanks for that LilRed I think I've realised (from my other thread) that I'm struggling because I'm doing it on my own. I suppose that most people who have lost a parent will choose the headstone with their other parent or a sibling. Its hard being on your own.

Anyway, for some good news, how are thing with you and your little bean? All ok now? x

hello all, hope you are all ok.
can anyone tell me when you stop thinking "oh I must ring Dad and tell him....."
I did this a lot on holiday, espicialy when we were using the ramps he gave us, in the end I rang my brother just to stop the thought,

I call my sister instead - I still think it occassionally.

How are you 2shoes?

I still do it 2shoes in respect of mum which is bloody stupid as I'm buying her bungalow at the moment so of course I should know she is no longer there!
Spent all morning down there cleaning today and its looking really good. Were due to complete yesterday then today but bloody bank has screwed things up but hopefully it will be ours tomorrow.

Popped into a local funeral directors this afternoon on way home and picked up a brochure. Have to get on with this now, feeling more positive today.

hugs to everyonex

Hi ladies. Sorry to intrude-hope this isn't a closed thread. Lost my mum 2yrs ago and I feel like I'm getting worse rather than better. DH works away a lot and I just feel like I'm sinking. We spent the w.e with DH's mum and seeing how close the kids are to her and hearing DS tell her he loves her just about broke my heart. I know that's ridiculous and I'm grateful that they have that relationship with a grandmother but it just makes me feel so sad.

I don't really have anyone to talk to in RL and I'm worried that I'm sinking into a deep depression.

You all seem to know each other really well so I'm sorry if I'm intruding.

Hi Longwalk, no, we are a lovley friendly bunch. The previous thread had been going for some while when I joined in and got a lovely warm welcome.

I'm very sorry about your mum. Its very hard isn't it. We've all lost at least one parent and a few of us have lost both.
I lost dad 5 1/2 years ago, in fact nearly 6 and lost my lovely mum last May.

I totally understand how you feel. I live abroad most of the year due to DH's work and was abroad when mum died which made it worse as she didn't get to meet my new baby boy as she died 2 weeks before we were due to return home so she could meet him. DH's parents are the only ones DC3 and 4 will know (DD is nearly 4 and does remember 'little nannie' now but I know that will fade) I took DD and DS (18 months) to see DH's parents on Sunday and it was one of the hardest things I've done, was so very painful seeing his mum cuddling my baby boy when my lovely mum didn't get the chance. It is normal in my opinion for us to feel the way we do. I suppose we just need to be grateful that our children at least have one or two grandparents.

Other lovely ladies on here have reminded me that our missing parents will live on in us and our children so we should remember that. Have you got photos of your mum up for your DH to see? My DD has talked about 'little nannie' a lot the last few weeks and it makes me both happy and sad. How many children do you have and how old are they?
What area are you in? I usually live in the Middle East but my UK base is in W. Sussex.

I understand about depression. In January this year, 9 months after mum died I was diagnosed with depression. I pulled myselfr out of it this spring but have had a really hard few weeks without DH (have been apart for 6 weeks now and I'm struggling) and I realise I'm going down that road again. Have you seen a doctor or counsellor? I know a few people who have had counselling after a bereavement and I believe for some people it can be very helpful. Ironically, I was midway through a counselling course when mum died and I had to put it on hold until February this year when I ploughed on and passed with flying colours and am now doing a further distance learning counselling course but haven't done much the last two months.

Please don't think you are intruding, the lovely ladies on here have helped me so much over the past year or so and I hope we can be there for you too.

Take care x

Thank you so much, mumoverseas.
I have two children aged 5 and 3 and we're in the NW. However, we are considering moving down south to be closer to DH's mum as he's away a lot. Looking at the area from Worthing along to Winchester.

I would dearly love to have a third baby but I just don't know if I could do it. Not just the lack of support (as Mum was) but the raw fact that she would never see the baby starts me crying. DD had just turned 1yr when Mum died.

Well done on passing your counselling course. Do you take comfort from listening to others? I think I would just go to pieces. Mum died of cancer (though we and she only knew she was ill 2wks before she died) and I cannot bring myself to do the Race for Life as just thinking about it makes me cry.

I feel unreasonably jealous when friends talk about lunch with their mums or going to stay with their mum for a few days. It's ridiculous because I wouldn't wish this loss on them yet I'm jealous.

Thank you again.

oh longwalk of course you will be jealous, its normal. I struggle when my friends have their mum's to visit and DD's friends get to spend lots of time with their nannys. DD (and DS) do have DH's parents but its not the same, they are not really that interested whereas my mum and dad lived for their grandchildren and totally adored them.

I got very angry a few months ago when I was on a bus and a few of the women on it were really criticising their mums, saying that they were annoying them, always phoning them or similar. I had to really bite my tongue and left the bus in tears.

I understand about the baby thing. Just remember though, your mum will be looking down over you all and she will see your new little one and she will live on in you and all your children.
DD does things occasionally and I have to think that is so like mum

x

sorry, meant to say I did find it hard with the counselling which is why I had to put one course on hold but I've managed to somehow carry on. I think having been through so much makes me a better counsellor if makes sense. I think maybe I find it slightly easier to 'put myself in someone else's shoes' if that makes sense?

To be honest I haven't done that much since I completed my last course as I live abroad most of the year and not as many people go for counselling due to the environment we live in (goldfish bowl) but I hope I'm there and ready to help people when they need it.

LilRedWG good thanks, we are hoping to go down to where dad lived for a couple of days with DB and SIL , just so we can make happy memories there and catch up with his friends.

longwalk glad you found this thread hope it helps you as much it has me.

Longwalk - this is a fantastically supportive thread, please do not feel like you are intruding at all. The ladies on here are amazingly strong and help each other constantly - there is usually an answer to any post within a day, often less.

I totally understand about the baby thing. My Mum and Dad died 18 months ago and I am currently 14 weeks pregnant. I won't lie to you, it is extremely hard and I know it will be even harder when the baby is born, but I also know hope that Mum and Dad are watching over us and will know our new little one even though they will physically never meet. We had several hospital appointments yesterday and I just wanted to call my Mum and tell her all about it and that is hard.

I am having bereavement counselling, which does help - it gives me somewhere, once a week, where I feel that I can let it all out, all the bitterness, anger, sorrow and fear for the future without being judged. Then I put my mask back on and carry on for another week. DH is great, but I don't like to harp on about it all the time. He understands how hard the decision to have this baby was for me.

MOS - well done on getting the brochure. x

2shoes - have a lovely break. Enjoy the time making memories. :)

LilRed hugs to you. I know so well how you feel about 'must call mum'. x

2shoes have a lovely time x

all booked, 2 nights in a guest house(nice one) in october, should be a nice child free break.
hope you are all ok

Hello everyone, hope you're all well?

Longwalk I'm sorry you are here (IYKWIM) but I hope you draw strength and support from the lovely ladies on here. All of us sadly share the pain of losing a parent. My dad died 18 months ago and it does get easier, not completely better but easier.

2shoes hope you have a lovely break and share some good times

LilRed 14 weeks now, wow! So lovely that your parents' love will live on in your new baby. Can you give him/her a name that links them?

Things here are OK for me, DH is home now after many months away, I have finished my professional diploma (and have 2.5 months 'off' before I start the next one!) and the girls are fine. Life ticks along.

Dad's ashes are to be scattered next month back where he lived in Australia so I can't go which is a shame, but we discussed what would happen before he died when I was over there so I feel like I was part of the plan.

He loved to sail, had sailed for years and was very proficient and was an instructor at the local yacht club. He was learning to fly before he got ill and was awarded his wings posthumously, so his ashes will be scattered from a Cessna plane over the ocean. So we shall remember him doing the two things he loved most.

2shoes - that break sounds fab!

Sidge - that sounds like a lovely idea for your Dad's ashes. I'm sad that you can't be there, but as you say you were a part of it with him.

MOS - how#s the sunshine? I presume you are back in KSA now.

longwalk - hope everything is okay with you.

I'm plodding on - 17 weeks now and having a tough time, but it'll be worth it. DD starts school next Monday, Tuesday is Mum and Dad's anniversary and Thursday is Mum's birthday, so I'd better warn DH that I will most likely be a gibbering wreck.

Love to you all.

hello all

sidge that does sound lovely about your dad's ashes

2shoes very of your break but you deserve it.

LilRed sorry you are having a tough time but like you say, it will be worth it.
DD2 starts school next Saturday (our crazy working week is Saturday to Wednesday) and we are all getting very excited.
Will be thinking of you next week for your anniversarys, I know it will be hard.

I finally went back to FDs the day I left to return to KSA and confirmed what I'd like and did all the paperwork (why is there so much bloody paperwork!) Bloody council likely to be difficult as grave still in dad's name and should have been transferred. Hope we can get it sorted ok. Just waiting for quote now for stones (chose 2 as know one will be very expensive due to kerbstone surround) and want to give my brothers the quotes and let them argue it!

Hope everyone is doing ok x

MOS - how did school go? DD is loving it so far.

It's been a hard week this week. DD started school on Monday, Tuesday would have been Mum and Dad's wedding anniversary and today would have been Mum's 75th birthday. I'm missing her so much it physically hurts. :(

oh I feel for you LilRedWG
my dads birthday is on the 28th.

how is everything else??