Nancy, 2Shoes, Squonk, Sidge etc: Can you move over here please?

[LilRedWG]

The bloody site just deleted another huge message I'd typed on the thread so can we start this new one please so that I'm allowed on?

I'm not retyping as it made me cry the first time around, surfice to say that you are all in my thoughts. xxx

Thank you ladies.

hello all
sorry I haven't been on here much, I think I feel a bit guilty because I am coping.
I do find my self thinking about my dad a lot and my dear SM, but I know that if they were still here they would be in pain.
I hope you are all coping, I want to stay in touch and chat to you all, but feel like a fraud sometimes as I say I seem to be ok.
love to you all.

Hi all, hope you are all Ok...I've not been on for a little while as I'm busy looking after my friends children. Unfortunately this has taken me away from home/Mum and today would've been Mum and Dad's wedding anniversary. I'm sure she's not doing so well with that ~ the first without Dad. Would've been 47 years.....
I posted her a card; 'because we haven't forgotten this is a sapecial day for you...'
I know she'll appreciate it.

I miss Dad so much

I will not really be back on here until late Friday or even the weekend, so hope to know you are all well.x

'Sapecial? Hmmmmm, that's obviously a more than special day then

Hi both. I feel the same too 2shoes, but still want to keep chatting on here. It's good to hear that you are doing okay.

Solo - don't forget to try and take some time for you.

Hi everyone, also not been on here much for months. I felt prompted to log on tonight as I am feeling so low. My uncle died yesterday. I mentioned a while ago that there was a complicated scene that was causing the family a lot of stress and heartache. It has come to an end. I feel so low and empty. He has been very unwell for a long time - had locked himself away. He had a heart attack a few weeks ago and had been in a coma ever since and yesterday his body gave up the fight. All the pain of the last year is finally hitting home.

Sorry to be self-pitying as I know lots of us are suffering.

hello all
nancy, so very sorry for the loss of your Uncle. You don't have to apologize for being self-pitying, we have all been there and no doubt will continue to go through periods like that on anniversarys.

solo, thats a nice thought to send your mum a card. I didn't know what to do on mum and dad's anniversary after we lost dad so just went and spent the day with mum.

2shoes & LilRed hope you are doing ok. Will make an efford to spend more time on FB, I'm rubbish and keeping in touch

Been manic here as DC1 and 2 are out from the UK for their Easter holidays. Time has whizzed by and they are due to fly back early hours Sunday (volcanic ash permitting!)

Had a bit of an odd easter. I got an email from my brother who never sends emails. He has only sent me once before headed 'times up' in which he told me mum had died.
This latest email on Easter Sunday said 'an offer has been made on house, that is two miracles at Easter'! No other info so I suppose I'll have to phone him at some point but it was such an odd feeling. I've known for 11 months now that mum's house would need to be sold but it makes it so final. Need to have a conversation with him about the gravestone too as next month is a year and I think then we can finally have a headstone put on the grave. Hate it being unmarked.

Hugs to all of you x

Nancy - so sorry about your uncle. Don't ever apologise for being, "self-pitying". You need to grieve and we all have/have had times when we put it out there.

MOS - I think you may be getting to keep the DCs a little longer as airports will be backed up for a day or three. Sorry that your brother is being an enigmatic emailer. I can understand the mixed feelings about your Mum's house. Not something I envy you.

xxxx

Thanks all.

Went to a memorial service today for all those that died who have been cared for by the local hospice that cared for my Dad(iyswim). Soooo many names called out it really was sad...
I finally met one of the(original)nurses that looked after Dad there too which was lovely as Dad really did like her. She said to me that it was an 'absolute pleasure' looking after my Dad and I do know she wasn't just saying that. He was wonderful and I miss him so, so much.

Didn't hear MIL's name called out during the service though which was a bit sad, though she was a JW so not sure they would've wanted to include their Mum in a C of E service.

Sorry for your loss Nancy.x

Thanks Solo, MOS and Lired.

Solo you are very brave going to the service: I can't even watch eastenders at the moment, don't know how I will cope with another funeral. I'm sure you're right about JW not being included in C of E service. I teach a boy who is JW and he is not allowed to be involved in anything Christmas/Easter related.

I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow: I already burst into tears at inappropriate times, will really have to steel myself.

Glad to hear some of us are doing ok.

MOS also sorry to read about your brother's messages. I don't know what to say other than grief does funny things to people. I'm sure the sale of house will be hard as others have related here, I know how hard I found selling my Dad's car last year. And that was just a car.

Anyways, take care all

xx

NancysGarden so sorry to hear about your uncle.
MOS I really hope we get to meet up when you are over here next.
LilRed sending you love xx
Solo sending you love as well.

does anyone have problems with thier birthday.
it is mine in a couple of weeks and I wish it could be ignored.(not just because I am old)
my dad always spoilt me on my birthday. always sent a cheque and if he saw me gave me a bottle of whisky as well,. I used to think he was so amazing, with all the caring for my SM he still managed to go our an buy it for me, well (insert lol) when we were clearing out his house I learnt his secret. he had a whole stash of bottles people had given him(me and bruv enjoyed sharing them between us) bless him.
now I have no parents it seems odd to have a birthday. dh isn't a big one for birthdays so at least that is good, I will buy a cake and do the candles bit for dd.
(I am arranging a meet up the week after so I can celebrate custys so don't feel bad for me)
am I alone in finding my birthday odd?

oh and love to squonk and everyone else

Ah 2shoes m'old love. I hated my birthday and wanted to cancel it too. DH was told in no uncertain terms that no fuss was to be made. We had a nice quiet day but it was very odd without Mum and Dad there.

Whereabouts does everyone live? It'd be nice to arrange a get together and raise a bottle glass or two.

hello all,
2shoes you are not alone. I hate my birthday now. My birthday is boxing day and boxing day 2008 was the last time I saw my mum. She stayed with us for Christmas for 4 days and then left on Boxing day morning to go and stay with my brother for a few days. I then flew back to KSA a few days later as was heavily pregnant with H and needed to get back before the cut off for flying. H was born in February and then in June I was due back for 3 months and had planned loads of time with mum and of course she was going to meet H for the first time. Sadly she died 2 weeks before I was due to return.
I now hate my birthday as it will always remind me of the last time I saw mum.

I can totally understand how you feel but hope you have a nice day, if nothing else for DD. Hope you have a nice time with the Brighton girls too for your birthday celebration with Custy.
Look forward to catching up when I'm back in the summer (also, I may be remaining in the UK instead of returning to KSA in September as I'm not sure I can take much more of DH's twuntishness)

LilRed well at the moment I'm in Riyadh, a bit far for a meet up but my UK home is in Crawley. Where are you?

I haven't had that problem with my bday so far but then it was a bit of a non-event this year. Many happy returns anyway and I hope it is everything (even if that is nothing) that you expect.

Love to everyone else

(ps I am in London)

ooh, so a few of us are down south. Would be lovely to meet up if possible and raise a glass to our missing loved ones.
Have been dreading May approaching as it was May last year I lost mum.

Still trying to make a decision as to whether to leave DH in June or not. I seem to change my mind on a daily basis. I have to make the right decision for me and all 4 DC but what might be right for 2 might not be for the other 2.

Have registered DD2 for a nursery which is literally 5 mins walk from our UK house and found out yesterday she will almost certainly get a few days a week there and it is next to the school we'd like her to go to if possible. Spoke to LA and they said that paperwork will be sent out in Sept (for entry Sept 2011) and it is a good possibility we will get 1st or 2nd choice)

Part of me really wants to go home (to get away from the abuse and bullying) but part of me thinks I've nothing (ie no mum and dad) to go back for.
Sorry, really me, me, me post today.

Hope everyone else is doing ok and coping in RL x

Oh MOS. You are allowed a post about you, y'know. Gawd knows I've had enough of my own.

You do have a terrifically tough decision to make and sadly I can't help with it at all, I wish there was something I could do.

I am in Worcestershire, just south of Birmingham, but would happily travel down south for a drink or five. (Ooo lovely - me, a hotel room and no DH or DD - heaven)

Hi ladies - haven't posted for a while as don't have great access to internet at the mo plus am really tired as 38wks pregnant! Have been ok but feeling low that the one year anniversary of losing my Mum is coming up in June. I'm trying hard to focus on the positive of a new baby but it's hard not to wish she was here to share n meet the new one. I'm also feeling guilty as my mil is being so helpful and kind but I just wish it was MY mum not her! This will be DC2 so mil has offered to stay for a week to help out when baby arrives but all I can think is that I wish she hadn't I still can't quite bring myself to call her 'mum' these days.

MOS - sorry you're having such probs with DH - you have to do what's best for you. Hope you're ok and have support in RL to do whatever you decide.

Nancysgarden - sorry for the loss of your uncle.

Solo - must have been a comfort to meet your Dad's nurse and be able to talk about him.

Thinking of you all - always lurking even though I don't always post due to rubbish Internet!

Hello all,
just had a really low moment. Something made me look for my mum's house on rightmove and it wasn't there. I then ticked the sold/under offer box and it is showing as under offer which presumably means it is all going through.
It must be at least 3 weeks since my brother sent me a one line email saying an offer was made but have heard nothing further.
Very odd mixed feelings about it. So final

On a happier note, meet up sounds fab.

LilRed if its when I'm back in the UK (begging emotcion) then I have a spare room I(if you don't mind a cot in it), you can stay with me.

Haribo sending you HUGE hugs. I can imagine how you feel. Your MIL is not your mother and can never replace her. You must not feel guilty about how you feel about things at the moment. Hope your DH understands how you feel and is supportive.

It must be nice I supppose though that she is interested in you and DC. My MIL couldn't give a damm about her grandchildren and it makes me sad that my youngest two don't have the lovely relationship that DC1 and 1 had with their grandparents.
Wish I could adopt some grandparents for them.

Can't remember if you said you are having a boy or a girl? Any thoughts on a name in memory of your mum (ie one of her names or maybe her father if a boy) I sneaked in her middle name (male saints - odd irish catholic thing) as my DS's extra middle name at his baptism and his other middle name was my dad's name if that makes sense.

Take care of you and your bump and I look forward to reading happy news in a few weeks x

Hi all

Haribo, I feel for you - saw my SIL today who is 33 weeks and struggling, but nearly there! I never met DP's mother so I don't really know how that feels but I think I would feel strange calling someone else "mum" too. (Or esp Dad for that matter, which I would HATE).

I'm up for waiting for a meet-up as I am finishing my GTP year which is pretty full-on and have my hands full until the end of July, but perhaps that is too long to wait...

The funeral is Friday. My boss wanted me to come in after (it's in the morning). This is the 5th bereavement I've had in just over a year. I have said no.

Good luck with your decision MOS. It must be very hard for you at the moment.

Take care everyone x

not having a good day, I knew I would feel sad...but miss Dad so much today, seems so weird not getting a call from him, I thought it would be easier as it is the 2nd one, but if anything it seems worrse.

oh 2shoes so sorry you are having a bad day. I know so many people say its easier after the first anniversary, first birthday etc but I can't see how it can get easier, we just miss them more and more as time goes on.

I've had a few weepy days recently as I know its approaching the first anniversary of losing mum and I have to mourn silently and not 'bother' DH with it. Think I might make a donation to GOSH on the day which will make me feel like I'm doing something as I can't visit the grave.

Hugs to you 2shoes and of course everyonen else.

Haribo thinking of you and waiting for happy news

xxx 2shoes xxx

Hello everyone, how are you all? Haven't been on to Bereavement much, a combination of life being busy (DH away at sea for 5 months, 3 children, part time job and doing a professional diploma!) and also missing Dad terribly so not wanting the reminders, if that makes sense?

My great aunt died a few weeks ago and my mother forgot to tell me when the funeral was - I wouldn't have been able to go as she was in Yorkshire and I am on the South Coast but I wanted to send a donation and a card . I am so utterly cross with my mum I can't speak to her. She thinks it's no big deal as I wouldn't have been able to go anyway and didn't understand when I said "but that's not the point".

In the last 15-16 months I have lost my dad, my granny and my great aunt and each loss just chips a little part of me away. How do you all cope with repeated losses?

Oh Sidge - I'm so sorry that you've had yet another loss.

My only insight on multiple-losses is that I feel as though I never had the chance initially to mourn Dad as Mum died so soon after.

It was as though Dad died, Mum was ill, Mum died and I mourned her and the loss of my parents as a unit, but it wasn't until the first anniversary of Dad's death that it really hit me - I couldn't physically get out of bed. I think your mind lets you cope with a little at a time. I'm sorry I can't be of much more use.

Much love. xxx