The very special thread for bereaved mums , dads , grandparents and anyone who has felt the agonising pain of child bereavement . Whatever madness you are feeling you will find a knowing ear .

[travellingwilbury]

Welcome one and all , old and new .

We are all here in all our different stages and memories to support each other along the way .

My brother went round for a week to every newsagents in our area (and beyond our area) he kept ripping the headlines sheet out of the holder and chucking them in the nearest bin. He became obsessed with it and was so angry. The flat back lorry that reversed over Matt still carried on delivering soft drinks and my little bro chased them whenever he spotted them. One of the lorries reversed into the cul-de-sac he lived in and David went out with a baseball bat and threatened them. He has never, ever been the same person since Matt was killed. He is always anxious and constantly angry. It makes my heart 'hurt' when I read the words in this post.

I felt like doing that too but not amny of the shops near me had that as a headline board. Matt was always page 2-4. I cant say i blame david for doing that. If the bloke ever came past my house id threaten him with something. Im sorry ive made you relive that.

Dont be sorry Shelley - re-living stuff is the only way to try and make sense of it all - a few years ago I wouldn't have been able to post that message but I wanted to today - I reckon that might be a glimmer of progress xxx

That makes sense. It could well be.

It is Matts flowers. Just went shop and saw the papers picutre is clearer so was easier to tell but the rectangle online wasnt clear to see what it was. I thought it was a picture of my brother and it is. Im fuming. How insensitive printing that 4 weeks to the day of his death

tossers Ring them or email them and bollock tell them off Shelley - it will do you good to have a proper scream at someone. That is very insensitive of them.

they got a story from someone else whos son died inside the paper obviously he agreed to it as they've quoted him. Think my brother is the most recent road death but thats beside the damn point ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH

Hi All,

I've been lurking for ages as I don't think I have a huge ammount of support to offer at the momment as I've been struggling a bit myself and am not far enough into this to be terribly wise.

I went for a blood test today for my nuchal test (we don't get them on the NHS round our way so it is all done separately to the rest of the our ante-natal care)anyway, they offered me a scan to check my dates which I agreed to and then crapped myself as DH wasn't with me and what if it was bad news (had 2 mcs before Niamh was born). All was fine but when she played me the sound of the heartbeat I completely fell apart, the last time we were listening out for a heartbeat was when I was in labour with Niamh, and there wasn't one.

This pg is going to be way tougher than I ever thought.

Awww Woolly I can only imagine how you felt when they checked for the heartbeat. Sending massive hugs to you. Dont worry if you just want to lurk and not post - as long as you know we are all here for you and will help in any way possible xxxxx

evening girls,shabs hope you ok honey ,and woolyjo hope your ok,
shelleylou,big hugs my love.
hope everyone ok.

Evening Hazy

You don't have to lurk woollyjo. You can come here for comfort and a rant and a joke. If you can't offer support it doesn't matter, but just being on here and explaining your emotions is a support to others because it shows the way you are feeling is normal.

It must have been so tough hearing the heartbeat. Some things never get easier {{{hugs}}}

You ok Shabs and Shelley?

Still feel rather annoyed about it. Think it was the timing for me as much as anything. He made it to front page [wry smil]. Try to see the up side of it

OK here thanks! Will be back asap trying to get Tom settled - that makes him sound like a new baby and not 12 and a half!!

Morning girls xx

Good morning all xx

morning how is everyone today

morning girls hope you all okxxx

Hi everyone

Shelleylou and Shabba - I don't know if this helps but I fought very hard to keep my DS's accident out of the paper and, although I lost the battle, I found out some things that I didn't know previously. For example, once you've had a photo taken for anything (eg to promote a school play or to celebrate a local charity), the press can use that however they wish, without your permission, even (& especially) at times of trauma. The story & photo can be syndicated to any media.I wrote a very strongly worded letter to the group editor of our local rag paper & went to the Press Complaints Commission citing Article something which is supposed to prevent media intrusion at times of bereavement. It didn't stop the story, but I hope it made some people think. Shabba, I turned all the copies of the paper over when F's accident was on the front & complained loudly (not to anyone, you understand, just loudly....)
Woollyjo - congrats on good scan. My DS4 is just 7 months, so I know only too well how much of a marathon pregnancy is after loss. Love to you & lo.

Ziggy I had a feeling that was the answer to being able to use the photo's. At 7am the morning after Matt was killed a young girl knocked on my door. She was from the local press and I told her to f.off go away. About an hour later two men came, they both had suits on and overcoats. I thought they were police so I let them in. They asked if I had a picture of Matt for their records, I found my two treasured pictures and they promised they would bring them back asap. They did, and brought me two copies of each.

Then I realised that they were from the Manchester Evening News. They were more interested in knowing if my DH was my DH or my DP????? Then really interested to know if he was the father to all of my children By this time I had begun to crumble with their questions and asked them to leave.

When I was at High School I wanted to be a journalist but I dont think I would have been a very good one.

How do people like that sleep? I know it's a cliche, but I'd really like to know how someone can inflict such hurt deliberately. The worst I found was that there was no redress, as every email, letter or contact of any kind could be used to further the 'story'. I don't know what the solution is with a free press, but I'd like all journalists out there to know how they can make wrecked lives worse or better (or at least no worse) by the decisions they make...

oh lovely, we sent a photo of matt to go in with the tribute article. Thanks for letting me know that Ziggy means i can at least be prepared for it.

Sorry Shelleylou, I don't want to worry you - it may be absolutely fine & it's good for you to have a public tribute for your brother.
With love x

You havent worried me, means i know they can use his photo and the one of the flowers that they took as they wish. I phoned up the paper to do it 'd been asked by 1 reporter when i phoned to get them to change my youngest db's name and again by a friend i have that works there. My friend did the article for us and sent it to us to proof it. It was nice for me to be able to do that for matt and my family. Kind of like im the oldest child so i should be family spokesperson even though no one has asked or expected me to do it, just do what i can for everyone. It was a lovely article. A MNer that i know in RL saw it and said it was and that 'you can tell its your brother' which is nice as i cant see the resembelance as much as i could when we were children.

Morning girls xx

Good morning all

I am going to start on the dreaded christmas shopping today . Wish me luck xx