The very special thread for bereaved mums , dads , grandparents and anyone who has felt the agonising pain of child bereavement . Whatever madness you are feeling you will find a knowing ear .

[travellingwilbury]

Welcome one and all , old and new .

We are all here in all our different stages and memories to support each other along the way .

dont worry love - I have a memory like a sieve so I understand x

Usually quite good at remembering things especially trivia lol give me important things to remember and im more likely to forget lol

I have got a brilliant book of poetry that a lady from Compassionate Friends has written. Her name is Ann Holloway. It is called 'Matthew - shadows soft around his name.' My Mum bought it for me. Its kind of a poetry diary. Its published by Arthur James Limited, 1, Cranbourne Road, London, N10 2BT - if you wanted to get a copy. I have read it over and over trying to find words that I could identify with - its made me sob and made me smile. Her Matthew was about 18 when he was killed in a road accident.

I have found a lot of comfort from it.

One of the first poems is -

Pictures of Matthew
Fill my head
Pictures of Matthew
Alive but dead
I can see Matthew
Asleep in his bed
I can hear Matthew
The things that he said
I can see Matthew
Riding his bike
I can see Matthew
Anywhere that I like
Yes, I can see Matthew
His face fills my mind
I just can't hold Matthew
No matter how hard I try.

Just read this post back and un-sure wether to put it on here or not. I hope this does not make you feel worse - the book ends with more uplifting poetry and you can get a real sense that his Mum is making her 'journey.'

its the I can see Matthew riding his bike that gets me. Failed its MOT shortly before his death his bike was his baby. Lovely poem thanks for sharing it with me. It does make snse keep seeing him on my sofa and can picture him playing with ds and walking into mums for his sunday dinner.

oh shelleylou your grief is so raw and new . I cant say anything to make you feel better right now

Hopefully with time the memories will eventually make you smile rather than cry

i dont know if I have said this to you before - apologies if I have

my dear dad said to me if you have trouble getting through the days and weeks then dont try. concentrate on getting through the next hour and once you can get through an hour try for 2 and then half a day etc

eventually one day you will be able to look forward to the future.. but for now one step at time, head up and as the lovely shabs would say...dont forget to breathe

It is hours at a time atm have to get through them though cos of ds.
Feel strangely at ease tonight, went to see a calirvoyant. He didnt channel Matt but was talking to other people and things came up to them but were relevant to us and were very Matt. A few things really hit me, going to the chapel of rest 3 people there and something being put in top pocket and boots. Dad was wearin Matt's boots mum dad and i went to chapel of rest day of the funeral. I put his button hole where it should go ready for my wedding next year. Were other things too was rather strange

Morning girls xx

Morning all x

Ross has been at grandparents for the last 24 hours..

I slept till 10.30am.. then sat in bed with my book till 11.15am when hunger got me up

afternoon girlsx

Oooh FM that sounds lovely!

DH has had a couple of interviews which have been reasonably promising and has been in touch with an agent who has a great opportunity if it comes off so fingers crossed - would so like it sorted before Christmas so we don't have it hanging over us and are settled in new place.

Hope everyone else is good.

I'll join you with being a lush FM! I kipped for two hours at lunchtime today {blush]. Whilst dh is working away I cope fine and get everything done on my own, but as soon as he comes home for the weekend I seem to turn to jelly and I'm knackered. But fingers crossed this coming week is the last week he's away - hurrah!

I've got my fingers croseed for your dh tinkerbelle. Am I right in thinking your in Oz?

Thanks Moveit - we're in UAE. Not best place to be looking for a job at the moment but I guess that is a worldwide problem at the mnoment. In some ways I don't really care if we stay or go - actually that is a lie I want to stay (we're settled, DC's love their school etc) but mostly I just want to know.

Ah, it must be someone else in Oz. Now you mention it, I think you have mentioned being in UAE before, it's just my sieve brain! You're very good at not boasting about the warmth and sunshine

Uncertainty is horrible, very unsettling. Lots of 'getting a new job' vibes winging their way to your dh.

It is a global problem at the moment. I know quite a few people who have been made redundant. At they all worked in very different fields.

DH owns his own building company and fingers crossed he has been working all through this, but there have been some touch and go moments. Hopefully things will pick up next year - I've got a bloody extension that needs finishing

I dont think any of us are secure in our jobs at the moment

dh is in the bank and its been touch and go a few times there too. I hope you get settled with good news before christmas tinkderbell

Ilike wouldnt it be nice if your dh got a big job that paid a big final bonus and then had a few weeks off..allowing hubby to finish your extension whithout having to resort to beans on toast !!

We can dream FM

Considering he's not making the same kind of money he was a year or so ago we're not doing too badly with the extension, but there are so many more expensive things to have to pay out for. The kitchen (although dh might be making it, which means it will take FOREVER to be built!), an entire bathroom and some loo's, flooring. Gahhhh, the list is neverending!

It will be nice when it's finished

Good morning girls xx

Good morning everyone x

Weather is still filthy here , really looking forward to walking to school later

Hiya TW its awful here as well. I really want to hibernate to be honest.

Hibernation sounds like a marvellous plan , I could be some time

How you doing this morning ?

Im ok - not great - but ok

I hope you have a good one today x

Hi, hope everyone is well today. Hibernation sounds good.
Im struggling today. Council have announced a cut of 1/4 million to the road safetey budget, think its Matts flowers they've used with the article too. I keep reading the poem i read at his funeral and the one Shabs posted earlier and the newspaper cuttings. Still cant believe thats my little brother

Oh Shelley - its the same around my area as well. My Matt's picture is always shown in our local newspaper when an accident happens at the same place. Its like a kick in the teeth and Im sure they should have to ask my permission but I haven't got the energy to fight with them.

They've used a different view (side instead of straight on) so they can get a car in the pitcutre too. Surpose i should be greatfull it isnt 1 of the vehicles involved in the accident. Ye i would have thought they would have to ask you but as you gave them it in the first place they'll probably say that. I really wasnt impressed that the first my family knew that Matt's name had been released was when i saw it on the local paper website. I knew they'd release it but a head up would have been nice.