The very special thread for bereaved mums , dads , grandparents and anyone who has felt the agonising pain of child bereavement . Whatever madness you are feeling you will find a knowing ear .

[travellingwilbury]

Welcome one and all , old and new .

We are all here in all our different stages and memories to support each other along the way .

Well done you , I was officially rubbish on the booze and fags front for quite some time

i wouldnt say well done as when i drink i really knock them bac and dp whinges at me but im not seeing him today On saturday i must have had about 10 shots several pints 2 jd and cokes (1 was on db) alcopops (what was my mate thinking) and vodka and coke that i can think off lol. Im terrible on the fags think ive went through 150g of tobaco and about 140 prerolled fags in 25 days. Nothing to be proud of i know

If it makes you feel better , when anyone turned up to see if they could do anything I would tell them I needed more fags and vodka

I even got my dr to tell my mum to stop nagging me about food .

Saturday sounds like a hell of a night , I bet sunday was a joy

The only thing with all the booze drinking is the depression afterwards . I was always fine and lively whil drinking after a few months and then I would be a bitch from hell to my dh .

I've done that too. Alwayslookingforanswers did an online shop for me and included tobacco tips and a multipack of rizla for me.

Saturday was a great night felt like me as it was a night with the girls and my bro {dance round pole emoticon] I think i needed it because of sunday though. Was ds's birthday and it was so hard kept looking at my phone waiting for Matt to text to say he'd be round in a bit. I just have my general rants at dp at the moment still dont believe that its real havent got to the anger stage as such. Apart from the arsehole who killed db. Still early days. Im dreading monday, thursday and the following sunday.

Sorry , what are monday , thursday and sunday ?

monday (16th) is 4 weeks since db was killed
thursday (19th) is 3 weeks from the funeral and a month since db was killed
sunday (29th) is a month from the funeral

A shitty week ahead then ?

I can remember struggling for a long time every sunday , and on the 2nd of every month , it did get easier (eventually)

Either my comp is about to break (yet again) or this site is . It is taking ages every time I try and refresh .

yea that about sums it up. Sundays are hard for my mum as ds would always go round for his sunday roast. He loved them. Db's date of death falls pretty much in the middle of mums birthday and ds's.

Its the site mine is doing the same

I know how that feels , Harry died the day before my mums birthday , Even 8 yrs on we don't really celebrate her birthday . It would just seem too forced .

Sorry I am going to have to go and talk to me dh

Apparently after a 13 hour day he would actually like to eat something and have a chat . Some husbands are just bloody picky

I hope you manage to have an ok night xx

I can understand that.

Wish i could get to my mums tonight. She recieved db's urn today and its nothing like it should have been shoddy workmanship. Lining is white instead of red velvet. The plaque is non existant just lettering put onto the box

((((Shelley))))

Hope you are ok xxx

It should have been soooo nice and db would have loved the decoration on it. Its not as it was described at all and my mum wont put him in it so hes still in his plastic jar. Hopefully the company sorts it out when she gets in touch with them monday

Oh my dear friends - I am so glad that you have had the chance to exchange ideas and thoughts. Shelley - you are at such an early stage of grief and I hope it improves for you - I have just read that part back and it sounds so fucking bloody condesending (that is not the correct spelling) I mean that it makes me look like I know what I am talking about. I know nothing EXCEPT if we all stand together we can help each other.

Please forgive me for trying to be Mother Teresa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

shabs dont worry about it. I am at an early stage i know that. DB hasnt been gone for long at all at this point. It does help to talk to other people who have an idea of what im going through. My db hides it and cant talk about it and i feel like i should be strong for my parents and not tell them how i feel exactly. they think its me thats doing fine and db they cant leave alone for long periods.

I know exactly what you mean Shelley xxxx Us girls seem to know what we are doing - even though we dont. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

i havent got a clue what im doing, which is so unlike me. Went shop for electric, bread, coke and coffee last night and forgot half of it. No one sees how i really feel, just that i want to know whats happened

Morning girls. xx

morning shabs how are you today

Only just managed to get back on PC anybody would think it was our Toms PC that we bought him a couple of Christmases ago

Im not bad ta Shelley - slightly hungover but not bad xxxx

kids today lol.

Hangovers not good hope it goes soon

If you think you are going insane - thats normal!
If all you can do is cry - thats normal.
If you have trouble with the most minor decisions - thats normal.
If you can't taste your food or have any semblance of an appetitie - thats normal.
If you have feelings of rage, denial and depression - thats normal.
If you find yourself enjoying a funny moment and immediately feel guilty - thats normal.
If your friends dwindle away and you feel like you have the plague - thats normal.
If your blood boils and the hair in your nose curls when someone tells you 'It was God's will' - thats normal.
If you cant talk about it but you can smash dishes, shred up old phone books or kick the dustbin down the street - thats normal.
If you can share your story, your feelings, with an understanding listener...another bereaved parent - thats a beginning.
If you can get a glimmer of your child's life rather than his or her death - thats wonderful.
If you can remember your child with a smile - thats healing.
If you find your mirrors have become windows and you are able to reach out to other bereaved parents - thats growing.

That all makes sense. So many of those are me at the moment. I know its going to take time. My blood boils when people tell me that life sucks sometimes of shit happens both ive had a few times. Feel like throwing a plate at them.

Some of them are still me as well Shelley - its been 27 years since Gareth died and 17 years since Matts accident....BUT some of them still apply to me xxx

I well believe it shabs. I had know idea it was that long ago. Should have really as i looked at the date post and commented that theres 2 days and 3 years between our Matt's birthdays.