The very special thread for bereaved mums , dads , grandparents and anyone who has felt the agonising pain of child bereavement . Whatever madness you are feeling you will find a knowing ear .

[travellingwilbury]

Welcome one and all , old and new .

We are all here in all our different stages and memories to support each other along the way .

Am I right in thinking you did not know there were two in there until the end or was it after the birth of one?

Shabbapinkfrog, I just wanted to say Happy Birthday to your boys.

And to you and to everyone else on this thread - thinking of you all.

Shabba - happy happy birthday to your two boys Gareth and Daniel. It's so bloody bittersweet, but i truly believe that they couldn't have asked for a better Mam - I hope today passes easily for you. I shall be lighting a candle in their honor a little later and i'll raise my glass - albeit with OJ in - to them, and you, tonight.

Sending you much love from Welshy Wales, missus x

Morning girls - thanks for your lovely messages.

Charley - I found out I was having twins 10 days before I had them!!! I delivered them at 38 weeks In 1981 scans were very new and rarely done. It was a bit of a shock

Hi Shabs, Happy birthday to your lovely boys Gareth and Dan xx

So far....so good!!! No snotty tears yet

Have been thinking of you today Shabs. Happy Birthday to your darling twin boys. Such a bittersweet day for you xxx

I managed not to have a meltdown on Christmas Day, but I really thought I was going to. I think visiting C's grave may be a bit too much to do on the day. I didn't feel right until we had been to see him, and I think it was the relief of having done it that improved my mood.

Maybe I'll visit on Christmas Eve instead? But it feels wrong to not visit on Christmas Day. And then I think when M is older do we really want to put a downer on the day by taking him to C's grave? Gahhhh, there are too many thoughts going through my head.

I hope your boys are feeling better tw, did they catch it from your dad?

Happy birthday Gareth and Daniel, thinking of you Shabs.

So my Christmas was a bit rubbish really! PPM I know exactly what you mean this was my first xmas without L and I just had this idiot phone call from my mother and my sister saying happy christmas without even acknowledging how cr*p it must be! Most people didn't even send me cards this year.. and those that did (a small minority) completely ignored her existence and the enormity of this year, it feels like I am the only person who remembers her.

And don't you just hate those GOSH adverts?!!

Went to L's grave in the morning and felt better that I had been. DP didn't approve of course but he is not in good books I mean.. no presents! no christmas food! pah! useless. His latest gem, after the year I've had is to say he won't be on this new baby's birth certificate and doesn't want the baby to have his name, which is pretty harsh I think given that L was so ill for so long and died and he has other perfectly well children from a previous relationship that all have his name, I really am starting to wonder if I've made a huge mistake staying with him. He also told me he's 'not unhappy that she died' ???

Hmm!!! sorry to vent !!!

Sorry all I guess I just feel really alone without L here, I don't want to virtual-moan at you all the time. He used to be an utter prick pain but I always had my little sidekick with me and she would always make me happy..
sorry again! will go and find chocolate

Crumpette - WHAT??????? I could gladly slap him right across his stupid face at this particular moment in time

oh please do shabs, I will give you my address x

happy birthday gareth and daniel,shabs big hugs to you ,candle lit herexx
sorry late to wish but worked last night and worn outxxxx

Thank You Hazy - I bet you are cream crackered? xx

He said WHAT Crumpette???

Bloody hell - if he was mine he'd be out the door so fast his feet wouldn't touch the fucking ground.

Hope you are as ok as you can be x

bloody bastard boot im outxx hope you ok

Happy Birthday to your gorgeous twin boys Shabs xx A candle is lit here in Sussex and I will raise a glass or two this evening .

The pestulant ones have gone home . Thank the lord
I have had all the windows open and cleaned all their germs away hopefully . What a shite christmas . I know it wasn't their fault but bloody hell it was so tedious listening to them coughing and spluttering all day and night
At least the boys can now play and run around without having to worry about waking them up .

Crumpette , not a lot shocks me any more and I know you and him have had your problems but why the buggery are you sharing breathing space with that pillock ?

Ilike , I don't go to Harrys grave on Christmas day now , it just doesn't seem fair on my other two now that they understand . I do have a candle lit next to his photo all day and he has his own decorations on the tree but I just don't think I could cope Christmas day going up there . I think Christmas Eve would be a good compromise xx

Oh Crumpette, I don't quite know what to say. Well actually I do, none of which is repeatable.

It's hard to gauge two sides of a story from one person, so I tend to bite my tongue and not comment when people talk about arguments they have had with their dp. However your dp's comment of not being unhappy that your dd died is just unforgivable imo.

Please, please really think about whether you want to expose you and your new baby to this man. Do not stay with him because it's the easiest thing to do, that will lead to a lifetime of misery and low self-esteem. The loneliest I have ever been was in a rubbish relationship.

And yes I hate those Gt Ormand St adverts, I have to turn them over when they come on as I fall to bits. Some of them are just too close to the bone.

Oh Crumpette, What f*cking planet is he on!!?? That is awful. Am totally with TW on this one - Get rid! Would recommend that gin bottle again but have just realised you're pregnant have to make do with the chocolate then

Think you and I have had a bit of a parallel christmas this year - I didn't send any cards at all this year, just didn't seem appropriate thing to waste my energy on and i got many cards from people who didn't even acknowledge the fact that things would be tough this year and like you lots of people who would normally have sent me cards didn't bother.

Made it through another 'birthday' - Im sat here piddled!!! My great niece still hasn't arrived part of me hoped she would turn up on my twins birthday. They are going to allow my nephews lovely partner to go to the 30th December and then they will induce!!!!!!!!!! Cant wait to meet her.

OMG I miss being a twin mummy. Gareth I miss you, I love you and I wish I could have a peep at how you are doing. I did everything I could to 'keep you here' but it didnt work - wish, with all my heart, I could have done more. Im glad that we had 7 months to get to know each other....take care my darling lad - holding you in my heart forever more until we meet again xxxxx

oh shabs i dont know what to say,you have held me up for so long,and i think your amazing,jayden dying taught me so much ,honestly ill never take anything for granted ever again.
im so glad christmas is over,our thee little granddaughters made us smile,its all about them,it would have been perfect but one little man missing,but i know hes here.
shabs big mumsnet cuddle to you .and everyone else

Morning girls xx

Morning all xx

Oh Shabs I read your post from the early hours and it made me cry for your pain. Hugs for your this morning my darling xx

Thank you PPM - gratefully accepting your hugs xxx