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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

The very special thread for bereaved mums , dads , grandparents and anyone who has felt the agonising pain of child bereavement . Whatever madness you are feeling you will find a knowing ear .

998 replies

travellingwilbury · 04/11/2009 10:43

Welcome one and all , old and new .

We are all here in all our different stages and memories to support each other along the way .

OP posts:
sybilfaulty · 22/12/2009 19:43

Dear ladies

I hope you don't mind me intruding but I do read your thread from time to time and I just wanted to send you my best wishes at what must be a very difficult time for you.

I am lucky enough to have all my children with me and cannot bear to imagine the pain and sadness that you are living with every day. This has always struck me as a lovely corner of MN and I have found your dignity and compassion on other threads both moving and humbling.

I hope you don't mind me popping in but just wanted to let you know that other people are thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful Christmas.

shabbapinkfrog · 22/12/2009 19:50

Thank you Sybil - your words mean so much.

Think this thread is our haven to be honest, we can say what we want and nobody thinks we are crazy xxxxx

Merry Christmas to you and yours xxxx

peterpansmum · 22/12/2009 20:03

Thinking of you today Lottie and your Jack, Much love xx

peterpansmum · 22/12/2009 20:06

I'm knackered tonight... Travelled down south to birmingham to visit family early sunday morning and got back around 5pm today. DS1 loved visiting and spending time with his cousins - was lovely to see them having so much fun but painful to watch knowing how much more gregor would have enjoyed it this year. Think i'm coping better this week than i was last week though!

how are you today shabs? xx

And thanks Sybil for your kind words - merry christmas x

frasersmummy · 22/12/2009 20:17

Hi all

i was thinking of you yesterday lottie.. I didnt have time to get on to say so but I did light a candle for jack..

I am soo caught up in Ross's excitment this year.. I'm not finding it as hard as past years

he cant believe how much snow has fallen today and we are now all finished up for xmas

so we are on countdown to santa and the waiting for the other shoe to drop

frasersmummy · 22/12/2009 20:17

thank you for your kind words sybil

crumpette · 22/12/2009 20:33

Thank you sybil for your kindness.

Just read something on antenatal thread about someone's DC being ill.. nothing like DD but had this ghastly flashback of my last opportunity to kiss her cheek and hold her hand when the crash team were there and they were about to intubate and ventialate her again and anaesthetist said 'oh sorry mum do you want to kiss her' and all i said was 'no she'll be fine' and she was looking at me and scared and crying and I was on the other side of the room...really far away.. and then she never regained consciousness and died 3 days later

sorry Im not very festive !!! I hope you don't mind it just came back really vividly I just wish I'd gone up to her and held her hand

I'm hormonal and pregnant just being silly! Sorry x

crumpette · 22/12/2009 20:37

In other news (can't even spell argh), I took 2 new teddy bears to her grave the other day and it was actually pretty, they much have topped it up it wasnt all sunken like before and it was covered in snow, the flowers there had frozen, I felt a lot better after doing that. I got a little rose plant in a shiny red xmas pot which I will try and take up there before xmas day. Little things!! DP doesn't approve thinks I waste money and there is no point. hmfph!!

crumpette · 22/12/2009 20:40

much must
argh! I'm not pisched honest

OK sorry ladies, but thank you I feel a lot better now!

crumpette · 22/12/2009 20:41

now where is that gin....?!

peterpansmum · 22/12/2009 22:47

Yay.... tesco.com arrived and remembered the mulled wine this week sure i'll get into the christmas spirit soon!

Not keen on gin crumpette but if needs must!!

shabbapinkfrog · 23/12/2009 07:12

Morning girls xx

GColdtimer · 23/12/2009 07:38

hello ladies, I hope you don't mind me popping in. I was thinking about how hard it must be for anyone who had lost a child when I was in bed this morning and then I saw this thread pop up in active conversations.

I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you all at what must be such a dreadful time of year and wish you all a very peaceful christmas. I am so glad you have all found each other on here. xx

shabbapinkfrog · 23/12/2009 07:40

Morning twofalls and thank you xxx

Smashing group of ladies on this thread. Must admit though I think we are all painting on our smiles at this time of year xxx

KissingUnderTheMittsletoe · 23/12/2009 07:55

May I visit you all on this thread and wish you special Christmas Greetings?

I can't begin to imagine what it is like for you all, but give a thought to your situations at this time.

May you find peace and comfort in loved ones, and I hope through the sadness and sorrow of absent LO's (of any age) you are able to get through Christmas with their spirits beside you.

shabbapinkfrog · 23/12/2009 08:09

Thank you Kissing - I think I can speak for my friends on this thread when I say how much your thoughts are appreciated.

peterpansmum · 23/12/2009 09:06

Oh shabs you just made me laugh - i misread your text about painted smiles and thought i read painting nails - if only heh!! Anyway i'm off to make some snowmen. came home last night to tons of snow.

To our visitors - thanks for your kind thoughts xx

peterpansmum · 23/12/2009 09:07
shabbapinkfrog · 23/12/2009 09:24

Sorry I KNOW this will make everyone cry - but I had to share it

Im suprised it took so long!! Just watched Ronan Keating singing this on GMTV and....oh my God....

PPM - I do stuff like that all the time - I scan messages and end up going back to read them more slowly

crumpette · 23/12/2009 12:10

PPM didn't hit the gin in the end! A breakfast of m&s baked in store double chocolate chip giant cookies (er.. 4 of them..) has cheered me up considerably

shabs, seen any feral ponies recently

Hope everyone OK x

crumpette · 23/12/2009 12:14

shabs! you really have made me cry!!!

crumpette · 23/12/2009 12:15

those lyrics are so true.. hadn't heard that song before.. have to go to hospital appt in a minute and mascara now down my face!

shabbapinkfrog · 23/12/2009 12:29

Sorry love - dont see why I should be sat her sobbing alone xxxx

shabbapinkfrog · 23/12/2009 12:29

or even here LOL x

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 23/12/2009 13:17

Morning all.

Many thanks to the lovely ladies who have posted on here

twofalls - hopefully you'll see this, but just wanted to be nosey and see how you are doing? Did you decide on a hb?

Crumpette - I have flashbacks too and they are always based in the hospital PICU. There are always regrets to live with and sometimes they often come back and bite you on the bum, but I know that the regrets I have are only with hindsight. I truly believed at the time that things would turn out ok - hope was the only way I could survive the situation. So looking back, yes I wish I had cuddled him for another 5 minutes at a certain time, but at the time I didn't know that things were going to work out like they did. I hope this makes some sense.