The very special thread for bereaved mums , dads , grandparents and anyone who has felt the agonising pain of child bereavement . Whatever madness you are feeling you will find a knowing ear .

[travellingwilbury]

Welcome one and all , old and new .

We are all here in all our different stages and memories to support each other along the way .

Tom has been out for hours with two of his female school pals. He is running up and down with his big green wellies on - two rosy red cheeks and a massive grin on his face .......life doesn't get much better than that....loads of snow, two good mates and laughter xx

I am blumming freezing . We have been out doing the whole snowball thing on and off since 8 this morning .

Great fun but I think my twos might well fall off very soon

Sounds like Tom is having a ball Shabs . And wearing his wellies again too

bloody freeezing here,dh was meant to finish at three as sti;; bits to finish but had to go to harrogate,he knew i had to go to bank ,so cant sort money out now.hes a total dh at moment,[dickhead at moment,things have never been this bad, and im not gonna put up with it.

hazy - hope things improve for you with DH - LOL they are my husbands initials and I often think of dick head when I type them out xxx

Today's top comment from DS1... "Christmas won't be the same without Gregor" He's bloody right but he's only 5 ffs!!!

Out of the mouth of babes? He sounds a really lovely little lad xxx

Hello folks.

Sorry for not being around. I'm a bit crap really, aren't i?

Think of you all though, and send my love x

Morning girls xx

Morning everyone x

Yes that was what i thought shabs. kids seem to articulate very well what adults pussy foot around not saying! He'd said it to me in the afternoon then before i'd had a chance to mention to dh he went and said it to him too!! Sounds like Tom had fun yesterday - i love the rosy cheeks look! It's been too cold for snow here over the last few days - we've had really icy days here. Got through the nativity - went in the afternoon with a close friend and cried my eyes out so i was able to cope with my DH, mum and dad crying their eyes out in the evening. was truly beautiful, started with twinkle twinkle little star which was gregor's song and gave me real flashbacks of his funeral but am so glad i went.

morning folks

no dee you are not crap.. its just hard to find time to fit everything in this time of year

today i am off to a birhtday party (well Ross is) and then he is off to my parents overnight .. giving us time to get organised-I have a huge list of things to do today .better get moving

Well done PPM - I could cry just thinking about the nativity at primary school.

After Matt was killed I had several of his little friends (aged 5 - 7) knocking on the door asking me exactly what had happened to him. I had to explain to each one and then they were content that they knew. Every one of their Mums was horrified that they had asked me but it was good for me to tell the story because I couldnt make any sense of it either

Awww Shabs - I totally get that. I lost count of the number of kids, mainly aged 2-6 who were in my house in the months that followed Gregor's death and almost every one of them came up to me and said something direct like 'gregor's dead' or 'where's gregor' and when they got my explanation of what had happened they were ok with it. Their mum's were totally mortified that they'd said such things but bizarrely i found it ok to talk and explain what happened to the children - i think they kept me going in the early days. If they got a real answer and no wishy washy stuff they let it be.

My DH is having a long lie this morning and me and ds1 are havin a quiet morning... i'm finishing my tesco.com shop for next week, whilst ds1 is busy making christmas cards and boy oh boy can he yap!! Don't think he's stopped chatting for the last two hours!! I love it but i think it's something dh says he gets from me

lol at your yapping son ppm!

I find children very refreshing too. No pussyfooting around and they're very honest. I wonder what age it is when we lose it and become slaves to social etiquette?

I'll be thinking of you Jack lottie. I heard the East 17 song the other day and thought of you both. I hope you and Wilf are both well.

I just feel a bit aarrrggghhh at the mo. Too many things to do and not enough time. I had my first C related Christmas meltdown yesterday. I guess every year there will be a point where I can't bear the thought of Christmas without him.

I'm now off to watch Strictly on Sky+. That way I can fast forward past Brucie

Hello everyone, I haven`t been on this thread for ages, how are you all? Yep its Christmas, and I know you will all like me be feeling mixed emotions. My two boys are getting a big Scalextrix from Grandma, we had to choose it for her, Harry had not remembered but I did. It was Matthews last Christmas present from us Its still hard, this will be our 16th Christmas without him and tonight I feel heartbroken.......missing him xx

Hello all.

Evey time I come on here I read all your messages and have a good cry. Christina only lived from 24 May to 25 June, so Christmas isn't a particularly hard time for me - but just wanted to say I hope you all find some peace.

Thinking of you. xxx

and love to you and your darling Christina xx

Oh you've just made me cry again!!!

Lovely message triplets, thank you so much. xx

Hello to Hazygirl, just read your post about the furreal ponies and it made me laught, first time for weeks, thank you xx

I think Christina is such a lovely name xx

Her name was Christina Lily Campbell.

I liked it

Her name still is Christina Lily Campbell, always will be, bless her, bless you, Brandy. Its so hard to try and understand why, why they had so little time, why we have to live with this forever. There had better be a good reason!

I was at a playcentre with DS1 and someone asked his name and said "oh that's nice". I asked the name of her daughter and she said "Christina" and it took my breath away.

There's only one in my world.

triplets what's your story (if you don't mind me asking)? xx

I am always happy to talk about Matthew, rarely get the chance these days. Matthew was our olnly child, we had been trying for years but another one never came along. On June 2nd 1994, 3 weeks off of his 15th birthday, he walked into our garden and collapsed and died instantly. He was on his own when it happened, it breaks my heart to think of that. To this day we have no medical explanation, it could only have been a sudden arrythmia. 4years later, 3 ivf attempts later, the last one using donated eggs, I gave birth to my trio, Rebecca, Thomas and James, I was 2 months off of my 46th Birthday! I never ever thought I would have a daughter, she is lovely. Matthew would have been 30 in July, my trio will be 12 in Jan! The rest of my story is that my husband was diagnosed with bowel and liver cancer in Feb 08 and has just finished his treatment and for now is in remission! Phew!

There is a picture of Matthew on my profile xx

OMG you poor thing. Christina was born/died in 1993, lovely how we're still talking about Matthew and Christina all these years on.

I am so glad you managed to have more darling children. I have 3 now too, not triplets though!! Yours are older than mine - I have DS1 age 7, DS2 age 5 and DD2 age 18 months.

But we've had 4 children each really .

Have to go to bed now as we have an early Christmas later today (yikes!) with the inlaws.

triplets it has been an absolute pleasure talking to you. Will come back soon. xxxx