The very special thread for bereaved mums , dads , grandparents and anyone who has felt the agonising pain of child bereavement . Whatever madness you are feeling you will find a knowing ear .

[travellingwilbury]

Welcome one and all , old and new .

We are all here in all our different stages and memories to support each other along the way .

I really know what you mean about crevices in your marriage Violet. Next March we will have been married 32 years but the loss of Gareth and Matthew have made things so very difficult. Nowadays we kind of 'rub along together' if you get what I mean.

I crave for the 'other' Shabbs - the one who was happiest being a Mum and a Wife. Im not sure where this newer, sadder version came from and I haven't got a receipt to take her back and change her

hello, as the lovely girls/ladies/lunatics have said, welcome violet101

I have never seen L in real life, but I was having a scan a few months ago with this pregnancy and her face was on the screen, completely separate from the baby-- it was her little face staring right out at me and even the man in the corner said to the sonographer 'hey that looks like a face' but the sonographer froze the image and dragged a box up in front of it . I know that sounds completely mad, so much so that I haven't said it to anyone else, but looking at her face I was just filled with this reassured feeling that she is still here, and is OK in some way, and it was her face

OK so this psychiatric unit, does it have any space for me?

I have had a couple days off work (am 37 weeks pregnant today but still technically working, just taken annual leave).. and it's hit me really hard, being at home, without L, and with my grandmother dying this year as well as L, I have nobody to call (I used to ring her often she was lovely), I guess most days I am so so busy at work I am distracted from the big gaping hole in my life..

Also, god I HATE Christmas!! [scrooge-bah-humbug] I just find it so depressing! Last year L was here and all my memories are of her, and we spent xmas at my grandmother's house, and they were both well!!!

Anyway I kind of don't know what to do for L at xmas, it seems wrong to do nothing for her, does that make sense? I kind of want to buy her a present and take it to her grave or something but the last teddy bear I put there was stolen! how wrong is that!?

anyway, rambling over, hugs to all

PS a big congratulations to charleymouse on the birth of Harriet x

Oh crumpette I know that feeling so well of wanting to do something for your wee one . I buy a new bauble for the tree and nobody else apart from my dh even know that it is for Harry but I like doing it . It is so hard isn't it ? Another thing I had thought about doing but I have never been brave enough was buying a present for a similar aged child in a womens refuge or hospital but I never really knew how to go about it and I did also think it could be a bit much

Sorry had to finish quickly , we have just had father christmas at the door . The local Lions do it every yr . They play very loud christmas music and have a big tree on a flat bed truck with father christmas giving out sweets . It is really lovely but always makes me sad . I remember them doing it a week or so after Harry died (a lot earlier that yr) . Thankfully all the neighbours had warned himnot to knock here but it always brings back crappy memories

right xmas tree delivered to Frasers Garden..cue buckets of tears

cue dh telling me to stop being a baby.

cue me sulking and drinking the xmas baileys

Good morning all xx

Well done fm , I hope your dh buys you another bottle . Afte all it is all his fault it's gone

I need to get my arse into gear today so feel free to come and give me a kick up the backside .

Morning girls...Morning TW - Toms last day today - THANK GOD!!! 3 weeks away from school - whoooooooo hooooooooo!!!

morning girls,well done twx
well dh put tree up on tuesday night and cant find adaptor for it,haha thought he was clever.
it was our 26th wedding anniversary yesterday,i got him a card and he didnt even bother opening it,so not on good terms,says he was busy at work then had to take his dad to see cancer specalist,but it wouldnt have taken a blooody minute ,rant over.
dd1 has bought the girls a furreal pony for xmas and its taken over my storage cupboard,the girls will love it,dh is gonna have to wrap it and drop it at theirs on christmas eve night,haha ill be at work,

LOL Hazy - I read your message too quickly and thought you said the girls had been bought a ferral pony - had all these pictures in my head of this wild pony in your storage cupboard

xxx

morning girls

why are men such prats???

Ross has got soo much on between now and the 25th that I think today we will just chill

LOL I have no idea why!!! Chilling day sounds wonderful xx

Hello everyone , how we all getting on with all the madness ?

Victoria , I am really sorry I was convinced I had said hello but I haven't

Like the others have said I am really sorry you are here but glad you have found us x

evening, been a bit AWOL lately. Trying to pshyc myself up for christmas but its going nowhere. Got some of exp's family coming tomorrow im hoping it snows loads overnight like its surposed to. Not up to them coming but ive put it off since begining of last month

Good morning everyone

We have got snow . The boys are up and dressed and desperate to get outside . Have told them they do need to wait until it is light .

Morning TW, thats like in this house atm. Its still snowing too, just want it to speed up a bit and have a lot more than we do

School is closed

I don't know who is more excited me or the boys

hehe, surpose it depends on whether your excited about not having to get sorted and walk them to school or about playing in the snow with them

Morning girls - snow here too!! About a couple of inches. Tom finished school yesterday so he will be excited when he gets up and sees it.

Im still being nagged to go out in the snow lol. Just watching a dad take his kids school having a snowball fight with them lol.
how are you shabs

Im not too bad thanks Shelley. xxx

good good. Surpose i should let people know its snowing here so they can decide whether to travel and get a shower. Will take ds in the garden later.

ive just seen someone go past my house on a motorbike with no helmet on.

Hi all. Just borrowing a computer at school to say hi! Im starting to think about Jacks birthday on Tuesday....We will be going to put flowers on his grave. Sorry not to have been about but have had no computer.

Lovely to see you Lottie - will be lighting my candles in honour and with love for Jack on Tuesday. Take care sweetheart xxx