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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

The very special thread for bereaved mums , dads , grandparents and anyone who has felt the agonising pain of child bereavement . Whatever madness you are feeling you will find a knowing ear .

998 replies

travellingwilbury · 04/11/2009 10:43

Welcome one and all , old and new .

We are all here in all our different stages and memories to support each other along the way .

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 12/12/2009 09:47

or even 'brought' me - I cant see the keyboard yet

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 12/12/2009 18:29

How's the hangover Shabs?!

Oh PPM it must have been so difficult to have received that card.

It's my birthday tomorrow, but I really can't be bothered with it. The thing I want the most is out of my grasp. Pah, it's just fucking shite isn't it?

FM - where are you?

shabbapinkfrog · 12/12/2009 18:47

Still not great

Thats exactly how I felt about my birthday last week xxx

charleymouse · 13/12/2009 00:49

Hi Ladies I see you got my news. She is snuggled up next to me and is beautiful. Can't believe she is three weeks old tomorrow . Thank you for your lovely messages.

Belated happy birthday Shabs.

Happy Birthday Ilike.

Have been thinking of all of you with remember days.

shelleylou · 13/12/2009 01:06

Ilike i know what you mean, my bday is today now lol and im not fussed about it at all. All i want for it and christmas is my db. Its fucking shit i have one with me but not the other

shabbapinkfrog · 13/12/2009 01:31

Awwwwwwwwww Charley - so very glad to hear from you. You have been in my thoughts and prayers for the last few weeks.....any more information? Names, weights etc etc???? So very thrilled for you my friend...so very thrilled xxxx

hazygirl · 13/12/2009 05:13

morning girls,congratulations .hope everyone ok,a new baby just in time for christmas ,

shabbapinkfrog · 13/12/2009 07:38

Morning girls xx

charleymouse · 13/12/2009 13:29

Hi ladies hope all well.

Born at home on the 22 November, we had gone to Center Parcs for the last weekend away before the baby arrrives as a festive treat for the other two. I had indigestion all night on the Friday and then my waters went whilst I was in bed at about 7:15 Saturday morning. I got up and pottered until 8:30 when I woke DH up and said get ready, my Mum is coming to look after the kids we are going home to have a baby.

I started having contractions whilst driving home (so didn't get on the motorway ) so jut squeezed the steering wheel a bit.

When I got home FIL popped round for a cuppa and said shouldn't I be in bed so DH got rid of him and we settled down to have a baby. Not a lot happened. MW suggested I went for Group B swabs as waters gone but not in active labour, so off we trundled to hospital. Did the swabs, got booked in for induction on Tuesday 24th if baby not here by then and came home.

Had niggles but no obvious active labour. Tried walking quite briskly on DHs treadmill. MW popped round about 22:00 and said to call her if anything happened. Had a few contractions and they were starting to get regular but nothing really worth bothering about. Started taking the paracetamol and DH put the TENS on for me. I went to bed to try and get some sleep but contractions woke me up about 02:20

Got regular contractions and tried to doze on setee in between. At 5:00 woke up and felt shivery and dithery so phoned MW. She arrived at 5:20 whilst I was in loo so woke DH up. She asked if she could examine me and then contractions just went mad and came every couple of minutes. It took about 20 mins before I could let her check me over. Apparently I was 7 cm but could be stretched further. So relieved as had been panicking nothing was happening.

Basically I just sat on sofa drinking bachs rescue remedy and pressing boost on TENS machine until 7:00. Then I had to go to the loo. MW said baby crowning and other one followed her with tray of equipment. I then got off the loo and went back to sofa whilst MW1 held babies head in so as not to deliver on tiled floor. I knelt over the back of the sofa and could not help but push. At 7:32 out she slithered and immediately started crying. I pulled her out the front and had a look to see what she was. She was very slippery and white with vernix. I tried to latch her on whilst turning round to sit down. Sat down and waited for cord to stop pulsing, I then cut it and went to loo where placenta was delivered intact. Went back to sofa and snuggled my newborn baby girl Harriet Elizabeth, 6lbs 15oz.

Unfortunately in the afternoon the MW came back and said swabs were positive for GBS so we were admitted for H to have IV antibiotics for 48 hours. This was due to me being GBS + and not delivering within 24 hrs after waters went. I did get the birth I wanted though after defying consultants wishes and having to have a risk assessment due to previous section.

She is feeding like a dream and is now 7lb 9oz. Pic is in my profile.

Shelleylou, Happy Birthday.

peterpansmum · 13/12/2009 18:26

Congrats charleymouse xx

Happy birthday ILike and Shelleylou. A day I'm sure you both just want to be over xx

Well our christmas tree is finally up. It was really hard just opening the box of stuff from last year. DS1 just stood quietly in front of the tree and sobbed 'i want my brother' - so sad, so shit - he was only voicing what dh and i were thinking. I was sorely tempted to post this on my facebook profile cos i'm totally sick fed up of hearing how excited everyone else is about xmas. I think my christmas spirit will be found in a bottle of vodka!! i sound like a right grumpy cow atm. just need an outlet.

hazygirl · 13/12/2009 18:39

PPM ds1 a hug from me,i send you huge hugs,it sounds awful but im glad my eldest granddaughter is the only child to remember jayden,they dont have to feelthis hurt then.
dont worry girls we will all hold hands together this christmas,maybe next year willl be betterx

shabbapinkfrog · 13/12/2009 18:50

OMG Charley - I read about Harriets delivery and just sobbed....I couldn't read it fast enough Well done you and many, many congratulations. She is so beautiful. xxx

PPM - I read your post and cried big salty tears. Children are so accurate with their feelings aren't they? The first Christmas, Birthday and Remember Day are just the hardest times. I wish you all peace for Christmas. Please give your DS a massive hug and kiss from me.

Hazy - I hate the saying 'time heals' but Im afraid it is a true saying. I used to think about Matt and Gareth every second of every minute of every hour.......but now I think I am 'down' to just once an hour Each Christmas, for me, has gone a little more bearable but I always have a meltdown day at some point.

We all have to stick together over the Christmas period - I know without even thinking about it that I will be posting here on Christmas Day. You girls are like my family and I want to talk to my family on Christmas Day xxxxxxx

peterpansmum · 13/12/2009 19:32

Thanks both of you xx

I've been suffering from anxiety which i never encountered before gregor died and it just hit me like a truck today that DS1 is experiencing the same... for weeks now he's been really clingy with me and crying every breaktime and lunchtime at school and often at other folks houses when i leave him to play or at parties. He just started school in august and he's coping really well with the schoolworkk.

We were heading out this morning and he was saying 'my tummy's sore', are you staying with me? etc and it all of a sudden hit me that he's feeling the same and just vocalising it different to me. Did any of your surviving siblings experience this? I've just had a chat with him tonight and told him i think i know what happens to his tummy cos it happens to mine too and i think he took it on board. time will tell heh!

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 13/12/2009 19:44

Happy Birthday Shelley xxx

So many congratulations on Harriet charley. VBAC's are amazing aren't they? I'm still on a VBAC high after 15 months!

PPM - sorry, no words of wisdom as C was out first dc. Your poor son. I just want to hug you all. It really is shit isn't it?

shabbapinkfrog · 13/12/2009 20:08

My DS1 still has severe separation anxiety - he cannot bear being in the house on his own.

You did the best thing by admitting to him thats how you feel. Be as open as possible and never, ever be afraid to cry in front of him. It will not make things worse for him in any way - he will learn that sometimes adults cant cope with things. I feel for all of you so much.

shelleylou · 13/12/2009 20:23

Thanks for the birthday wishes. Doesnt feel like my birthday but that will be due to db's death. So strange that i cant see him.

Congratulations on Harriet's birth Charley

peterpansmum · 13/12/2009 21:04

Every time ds1 sees the tears starting he says.. shall i go get the tissue box mummy! ...no way i could hold back my emotions from him even if i tried, he may be 5 but he's way smarter emotionally than an average 5 year old! although if at all possible i try to avoid having my total meltdowns in his presence!!

anyone else watching x factor? last night was just heavenly - robbie and george michael on the same show!! would like olly to win but think it's gonna be joe.

have got a nativity to get through on wed which starts with twinkle twinkle - gregor's fav song (well other than mamma mia!!) - ds1 is a shepherd and is well excited! think i'll add another couple boxes of cheap tissues to my tesco.com order!!!

shabbapinkfrog · 13/12/2009 22:07

Ive got broad shoulders PPM you can always lean on me - nativity - best of luck and, dont forget, most of the parents will be crying so dont worry.

xxxxxx

frasersmummy · 13/12/2009 22:33

I am here Ilike.. Its nice to be missed

I just dont seem to have the words right now, I dont know why

I think its the conflict of having a great time with Ross .. he is just a lovely age and his excitment and happiness is infectious .. and missing Fraser. I could do with a few days all by myself just to get my head straight .. but that aint gonna happen

congratulations charley.. wonderful news -the best xmas present

shabbapinkfrog · 13/12/2009 22:34

That explains things perfectly FMammy - searching for my Christmas spirit as we speak xxxx

frasersmummy · 13/12/2009 22:35

oh and happy b/day Ilike.. hope you got something nice

You share your b/day with my dh ..

peterpansmum · 13/12/2009 23:54

Thanks Shabs, as long as i don't hit too much of the christmas spirits you should just about be able to prop me upright .

Good to see you back FM and conflicting emotions is spot on - exactly how it is. My DS1 is 5 and is so excited arghhh!! How old is Ross btw? No point heading to bed yet my heads still reeling from today!

shabbapinkfrog · 14/12/2009 06:44

Good morning girls xx

travellingwilbury · 14/12/2009 07:00

Good morning all

Sorry I missed your birthday Ilike
Happy Birthday Boxing day for today

charleymouse , Big huge Congratulations to you , it was so lovely to read about the day . Harriet is gorgeous .

ppm , you are right about it being shite . You are doing all the right things . I didn't have any other children to worry about and I could just hide in a bottle of vodka .

It is nice to see you around fm , I know what you mean about the conflicting emotions . My two are 3 and 5 now and they are both so excited . I just have to try and give them the christmas that I would so dearly like to give to Harry x

OP posts:
hazygirl · 14/12/2009 07:48

shabs, i realy hope it gets easier ,at the moment everything is so bloody hard,its three years now and i wish everything stayed the same,just why us,why .
dh said today the tree has got to go up this week for the girls ,im so glad i have to work as i know ill end up ranting and upset everyone,my head has so much inniti wanna scream.
anyway ive been up since four yesterday morning and i need my bed,thanks girls for letting me rant awayxxx

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