The very special thread for bereaved mums , dads , grandparents and anyone who has felt the agonising pain of child bereavement . Whatever madness you are feeling you will find a knowing ear .

[travellingwilbury]

Welcome one and all , old and new .

We are all here in all our different stages and memories to support each other along the way .

Thank you both.

I'm just struggling with the 'what if's' today.

I hate the what ifs - they are utterly crap - you can tell that Shabbs, aka potty gob, has the PC sorted cant you?

I used to have to write down the what if thoughts so I could try and make sense of them - it was just something that used to help me xxxx

Thinking about you and your family today Hazy - remember days are so difficult...sending our love and thoughts from Lancashire...have lit a candle in memory and with deep love and respect for Jayden. I cannot imagine your grief now I have a grandchild.

Good to see you Everlong xxxx

Yes, thinking of Jayden today and will light a candle for you all x

Love to Hazy and family.

Dee - I often get 'is this your first?' with DS4 as the other boys are not around during the day. I always try to say, with a smile, 'No, number 4' and quickly find something fascinating to do with baby, pram, etc. They sometimes follow up with 'all boys?'. After a tight-lipped 'yes' they usually get the msg.
I once had a shop assistant exclaim about the 'huge' gap between my boys - DS1 is 16, DS2 is 13, DS4 was a couple of months at the time. I left the shop pretty quickly...
It's the balance between not denying my son's existence & not wanting to have to deal with someone else's distress that is so v hard sometimes. If I don't mention F - even in my vague, '4 boys' type of way - I end up more upset & spend ages afterwards running the conversation over in my head trying to think of how I could have included him. Stupid,isn't it?

Oh yes Ziggy - I never thought of the 'age gap' thingy.

People ask Tom is he an only one. He always says 'No I've got a brother who is nearly 28' The other day I told this older lady that I have 'twin boys who are almost 28, a 25 year old son and a 12 year old son!!' I think it was too much for her to process especially as I was pushing Lew in his buggy - she gave up trying to make any sense of it and wandered off!!!'

Im glad, in a way, that Tom always says he just has an older brother. I dont think he is ready to be singled out for having 'lost' two older brothers - he gets teased enough at High school for his weight etc....one day he will be ready to say it but Im certainly not pushing him to xxx

A candle is lit here for Jayden today .

Hope you are ok Hazy , be kind to yourself today x

Thinking of you Hazy.

I'll be lighting a candle here today for Jayden. Thinking of you all today Hazy xxx

thanks girlsx things pretty bleak atm ,ddi was out with dp yesterday and some silly man reversed his lorry into their car,was worried as nearly twenty weeks pregnant,i was out with my sister ,dh had to pick girls up and no idea where from, i explained you go through gate to find middle granddaughter ,who then showed him where eldest one was,who came and told her granddad shed seen him walk past three times but thought it was funny to watch.
luckily dd1 is fine,car write off but everyone ok apart from shock,cars are repplaceable so not bothered.
dee if one more person says am i looking forward to my first grandson in rl,ill deck em,i have a grandson and this baby aint gonna replace him,hes his brother,scream,rant away,why cant people bloody think.
its three years today since jayden died , were both on annual leave,people think its strange ,but i cant say its much easier,ive been and put flowers and a robin on his grave ,and it breaks my heart to leave him there alone in the cold.someone had beaten me to grave and left a bunch of roses on him,dont know who.
thanks everyone for candles lit and thoughts,it means a lot ,hugs everyonexxxxxxxxx

Thinking of Jayden today. a candle is lit here, Sending love to you and your family Hazy. x

Ohhh Hazy - glad to hear everyone is ok - you are right, the car is nowt in the great scheme of things.

Just wrapping my arms round you now - it made me cry when you said you had taken a robin to Jayden....my mum has lots of birds in her garden including some robins - whenever I see them I think of my lads - dont know why. xxxxx

I think of my boy when i see Robins too...

Thinking of you and your family today Hazy. Want to wrap my arms around you allgive you a huge hug and take a little bit of the pain away but failing that as long as you know you are in our thoughts today xxxx

We've had tiny flakes of snow here today (the first since the week Gregor died )so that would keep your robin in good company x

Glad your DD ok and as you say car doesn't matter. People can be mindless twats sometimes!!

Good morning girls xx

Morning x

morning x

morning girls,god i feel knackered today went with dd1 last night to see a medium ,i was so convinced hed come through again ,i was so dissappointed when he didnt,two people that had messages before got again,one poor man lost both sons in crash in february and he got message again,you just wanted to hug him.
first time dd1 went she got jayden ,he knew things wed never told anyone, i know not everyones a believer but no one could know the things he knew girls.
anyway gotta clean and make room for dd1 is having her presents sent here so have to make room for them.xxxxxxxxxxx

Morning Hazy - everyone knackered here as well!! As you know, I really believe in a good Mediums abilities. The man I have seen about 5 times is so accurate it takes my breath away.

The first time I saw him he told me exactly what we had put in Matts coffin - only about 5 people knew the exact things and they were very random.

I think if it bringings someone comfort then I cannot see any harm in it at all.

morning all,

I know what you mean about mediums hazy. I went to one last month shortly after my db died. He didnt come through but things that were suposed to ment for other people were actually ment for me and my parents. Things like my parents house number, motorbikes and fixing them bracelets (mum and i both wear one he gave us) even about that there was something about the coffin and 3 people being there and 1 of them putting somethin at top pocket. His coffin was unique to say the least, parents and i went the morning of the funeral and something was put it. We're going to one again on saturday.

I'm really hating things atm. The one thing id love for christmas i cant have well 2 things but the major 1 isnt possible. The next best isn't going to happen either

I think we are all feeling that way Shelley - no matter how long we walk this 'crappy' path of bereavement we all dread Christmas. We will all have to prop each other up and paint on our smiles I reckon xxx

That makes sense. I was hoping the was sent down for christmas. Would have made my familiy's christmas. The thought of him celebrating when we havent got db to share it with makes me sick x

I can identify with what you said Shelley....the man who killed my son received no punishment from the courts at all and the company who's lorry it was were fined just £200 because the police said the vehicle was not roadworthy - people used to say to me that the prick who killed my lad would think about it every day and that was his punishment........he wants to try walking a mile in my shoes and living with my thoughts for just an hour.