The very special thread for bereaved mums , dads , grandparents and anyone who has felt the agonising pain of child bereavement . Whatever madness you are feeling you will find a knowing ear .

[travellingwilbury]

Welcome one and all , old and new .

We are all here in all our different stages and memories to support each other along the way .

aw thats lovelyx tell her congratulations

Dont know about you girls but I am feckin really dreading Christmas....feel so tired and not sure if I can keep the smile painted on for so long

Thank you Everlong.....cant get them out of my mind. xx

so sad

Hope your neice and her dd are ok today shabs. Just been on that thread myself. How is everyone tonight?

Good morning all x

Shabs for once I am actually kind of looking forward to christmas
It varies so much from year to year how I feel about big celebrations but for now at least I am looking forward to seeing my boys all excited . Whenever I have struggled in the past I always tell myself to give my two boys that are here the christmas I would love to be giving Harry x How are you normally about christmas ?

Morning girls xx

I usually, for the last few years, dont mind Christmas. I feel like I am in a bit of a 'weird place' at the moment. Cant explain it to be honest. Just feel like I am stood on the sidelines watching 'life' go on??????????

I think that explains it pretty well Shabs .

Buggered if I know how you can fix it but I do understand it . I am sure it will pass but a bit disconcerting while you are going through it all xx

How is Beth doing now ?

Not sure how Beth is doing. Didn't hear from Shelley last night and didn't want to ring and disturb them. Will let her get the other children to school and then get in touch.

I will pin my optimistic smile onto my face and get on with Christmas....think its just all the normal feelings and the difficult spreading out of the finances at this time of year as well. Oh well we will be ok.

We have a new baby due on Christmas Day - my brothers son and his partner are expecting a little girl - they are going to call her Grace and she is the first girl in our immediate family since I was born 53 years almost since a girl came along in my family!

That is pretty exciting , I must admit I would have loved a little girl .

The money stuff doesn't help does it ? We are much the same , I just keep telling myself that in a couple of weeks people won't remember what bit of pointless shite was from us anyway so it doesn't matter

You need to get Lew an embarrasing santa suit or similar and take some pics of him . That could keep you amused for a wee while .

I hope Beth is doing ok xx

All will be well my friend....All will be well xxx

It will indeed x It has no choice x

morning girls

I dunno why but I am bit down this week. I hate being down when I dont know why .. I get annoyed with myself, teling myself if I dont know why then I shoud just bloody pick myself up .. but its easier said than done

Doesnt really help that when its this wet it never seems to get light here

Thats my moan for the day

I hope Beth is fighting back Shabba

Hope everyone else is a bit brigher this morning

I've got the same feelings FMammy xxx Do think the time of year and the god awful weather has a big part to play in how I am feeling xxx

Sounds like you ladies need one of those sun jar things. I think they're good for SAD.

I feel like the day never brightens up here sometimes so it must be even worse for you FM, what with being that mych further north.

How you doing TW? It's Harry's remember day soon isn't it?

Hi all

Please can you squeeze me in?

My daughter died shortly after her birth in April. I had a normal and closely monitored pregnancy and so there were no warning signs that something so devastating was going to happen (apart from a dream but didn't want to believe it). Anyway, 19 hours after delivery, my baby just stopped breathing in my arms. Her little heart gave up after 3 hours in intensive care. I thought the only way to give me hope was to get pregnant again, which I did in September. That just ended in a MC. I feel so shit, defeated and disillusioned. I am tired of picking myself up again.

Shabba - I just read in another thread about the loss of your 2 boys. I am so sorry and wish I had more to say. I never got to know my daughter. She just popped along to say hello to us and moved on. You had time with them (not enough time, I know) and got to know their personalities, and it is so very hard what you experienced.

s
xx

I hate to say it, but yes there's room for you here SH77. Wouldn't it be nice if there wasn't anymore room here, and then that would mean no one else would lose their child?

Welcome to our thread, I think I have seen you on other threads before

What was your dd name? It must have been such a shock for you.

So sorry to hear about your mc too. I'm sure you just want to shout 'give me a fucking break' don't you?

There will be better times ahead. Remember that and believe it. You need hope to get you through such tough times {{{hug}}}

Hiya sh77 glad you found us....loads of support, friendship and love on this very special thread.

Was so sad to hear about your DD - I love your line 'she just popped along to say hello.' That really touched my heart.

Glad to meet you - just wish we could have meet discussing AIBU topics and not the loss of our precious children. xxxx

Thank you both for your lovely welcomes.

My little sweetheart's name is Noor, which means light in Arabic.

When people ask (and they always ask me) how many children you have, what do you say? I always say I have one (and they say smile and say oh how wonderful) but then I qualify it with she passed away (and I still cry every time I say it - thought I ould be used to it by now). She is STILL and ALWAYS will be my child and so I can never bring myself to say I have no children.

I saw a lot of hope after Noor's death as I just didn't think that something awful could hapen so soon. I thought I was in massive credit as far as bad events go so thought things would start to balance out. I was wrong. So, I feel more fearful for the future. I don't want to think about hope. Just want to get through the next few weeks.

I hope I have something more positive to say/bring to this thread soon.

xxx

Noor is a beautiful name and has a lovely meaning too.

I have had two boys and it is my eldest son Cole who died. I didn't have my second son until after Cole died so when I was pg 2nd time around I was often asked 'is this your first?' TBH my answer depended on what I felt like on the day and to some extent that's stil the case. It can depend on my mood, who I'm talking to and in what company I'm in. I know in my heart of hearts I'm not ignoring C's existence, it's just that somedays I don't want to have 'that' conversation with someone.

If just getting through the next few weeks is what you need to focus on, then do that. How can we help? Do you want to talk more? There's always an open ear here.

Believe me there isn't a feeling (negative or positive) that one of us here hasn't experienced. Grief can take you to some dark places but eventually it will also help you appreciate the lighter places.

hi sh77 i'm glad you have found us

My little boy was stillborn nearly 6 years ago(god it doesnt seem like anything like that long)so I didnt know him either

I now have a delightful little 4 year old boy and still struggle when someone says is he your only one

My answer as ilike said earlier depends on my mood/who I am talking to. I also find it difficult when people say are you going to have any more- no- then they say oh why not?
I used to really beat myself up when I had been asked and hadnt mentioned Fraser.
My answer was to get myself a wristband from sands. In my head it showed I wasnt forgetting him even if I didnt metion him but you when you do this you have to be prepared for people to say .. whats your wristband for

Noor is a lovely name

dont worry about being positive around us.. we all know how hard it is ...

Did you get a reason why your dd died??

Hi frasersmummy I am sorry for the loss of your son. I know how hard it is when someone asks about children and, of course, not mentioning your baby does not mean ignoring their existence. I am from a culture where everyone without fail asks if you are married and if you have children. I totally avoid social gatherings for this reason.

The autopsy showed that Noor died from pneumonia and septacaemia caused by an infection. They couldn't identify whether it was strep b or not. My husband and I will attend the inquest in Feb and so we will be able to ask the medical staff questions. After that is over with, we will have her headstone placed and bury her tissue samples from the autopsy. So, we don't have closure as yet.

Were you given a reason for your son's stillbirth?

Fraser suffered from iugr (inuterine growth retardation) which basically means he stopped growing

We had a 32 week growth scan which was wrong, due to an incompetent radiographer so they never picked up that Fraser had stopped growing. I noticed lack of movement from 4pm to around midnight .. went to the mat unit and they said he is fine.. sent me home.. by next day he was gone.

Back thenI would have sued - but hubby was right if we had it would probs have dragged on and on for years and Fraser still wouldnt be here

Tip for your meeting.. write down all your questions .. last thing you want to do is come out the meeting and think ..oh I should have asked that

I dont know what to say re your family situation. I know where you are coming from I really do. I just dont know what the answer is.

But please keep posting here ... we are all on the same long crappy road, some of us are further along it than others but we still stumble and there is always someone here to help you up again