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Bereavement

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Original poster

My ickle big brother. [sad]

301 replies

shelleylou · 19/10/2009 13:25

My brother was killed early hours of this morning. Dont know too many details as an investigation has been opened only that he would have died almost instantly and he's unmarked.
I feel so guilty i wasnt there for him when he needed me (always been like that with each other)I woke up with a start about that time and knew this morning that something was very wrong. Im going to mortuary later to see him, im dreading it as its going to make it seam more real but i have to do it for him id never forgive myself if i didnt. Atm it doesnt seam real its all just abad dream. RIP bro love you loads

OP posts:
MonstrousMerryHenry · 20/10/2009 23:18

Shelley, I'm so very sorry for you. Huge, massive hugs and just be kind and gentle to yourself.

Original poster
shelleylou · 20/10/2009 23:29

cant help but think i should haev been there for him. I woke up when the accident happened and knew something was wrong. He needed me he lay dying and i wasnt there

OP posts:
MonstrousMerryHenry · 20/10/2009 23:34

Shelley, it's very early days and you will be in shock for a long time yet. All these thoughts are normal, and you may even find that you have 'flashbacks' of the accident, even though you weren't there. This is all normal - blaming yourself, flashbacks, etc etc. This is why you need to be gentle on yourself.

This will take a very long time to settle, and I daresay some parts of it will always trouble you, but the pain will ease.

Also whenever you feel able (and IME some months down the line is better than straight away) you should consider talking things through with a counsellor, to help you start to settle in your mind and heart.

Thinking of you lots.

alwayslookingforanswers · 20/10/2009 23:34

oh shell {{{{hugs}}}

would you have felt any better though if you'd been there, but still not been able to do anything for him? .

(hopes that's not more foot in mouth speak from her}

alwayslookingforanswers · 20/10/2009 23:36
Original poster
shelleylou · 20/10/2009 23:41

He would have died with someone that loved and cared for him with him not the fucking arsehole who killed him

OP posts:
Original poster
shelleylou · 20/10/2009 23:42

its going down very well not numbing the pain though not feeling any effects from it at all

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 20/10/2009 23:53

I wouldn't expect it to numb any pain {{{{{hugs}}}

I'm going to have a coffee and fag and head off to bed - got to be out of the house at silly time in the morning (should have been my lie-in too ).

Will be around on here for another 15 minutes or so, but will think of you tomorrow during my 3hr exam when I'm lost for words to write.

alwayslookingforanswers · 20/10/2009 23:59

oh - I expect your inbox is inundated with emails at the moment.

Could you manage to send me your address, the very least I can manage to do is send you a card

aristoBLACKcat · 21/10/2009 00:09

shelleylou

so sorry thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.

hope you get the answers to help you.

Original poster
shelleylou · 21/10/2009 00:12

just hope it would even slightly.
I hope your exam goes well tomorrow, please concentrate on that rather than think of me. It means a lot to know that but i would prefer you to put your efforts into your exam and pass it like we know you will

OP posts:
Original poster
shelleylou · 21/10/2009 00:14

i have barely checked my email FB inbox is inudated with mutual friends finding out and his friends ive contacted. Might do some more in a few minutes.

Some answers i dont think ill ever get like if he was really pillion? why his mate has lied to the police? i want blood i will see he serves a prision sentance he owes my brother and my family that at least

OP posts:
aristoBLACKcat · 21/10/2009 00:17

please try to get some rest / sleep tonight

i know its going to be difficult but it is important to keep strong

Original poster
shelleylou · 21/10/2009 00:22

atm im not tired just trying to calm myself down a bit. cried myself to sleep last night.

always ive sent it to your fb inbox

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 21/10/2009 00:23

ach don't worry about my exam - I've given up worrying about it - I'm going to "do" the entire last block on the bus on the way to Northampton tomorrow

actually if you remind me of the number I know the rest - I have a feeling it's 20 down from my number????

aristo is right you do need to try and sleep - even if you only lie down and rest for a bit.

alwayslookingforanswers · 21/10/2009 00:24

got it thanks - x posted with you there - I see I was a long way off with my memory of your number

Original poster
shelleylou · 21/10/2009 00:27

i cant think what your house number is know 1 of them but couldnt say the order

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 21/10/2009 00:30

oh good it's not just me that doesn't drive and "knows" addresses by where the house is not by the number.

Original poster
shelleylou · 21/10/2009 00:32

i know it just cant think of it

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 21/10/2009 00:39

ahhh just me then.

Try and get some rest tonight, I must go and try and sleep now.

cathcat · 21/10/2009 01:05

Shellylou, I am so sorry. I hope you get some answers. I hope you manage some sleep and some food; I know it is difficult after such a shock but it will help in the long run. Thinking of you.

Original poster
shelleylou · 21/10/2009 01:06

ive managed a little to eat had to force myself. Just keep playing when im gone over and over

OP posts:
cathcat · 21/10/2009 01:13

If it is letting the tears out then that is probably a good thing.

Original poster
shelleylou · 21/10/2009 01:17

its the chorus that gets me

when im gone just carry on
dont mourn or rejoice
evrytime you hear the sound of my voice
just know that im looking down on you smiling
and i didnt feel a thing
so baby dont feel no pain just smile back

OP posts:
cathcat · 21/10/2009 01:22

lovely words. Hold them close when things are tough and think of him smiling at you.
Have to log off but will be thinking of you.

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