My ickle big brother. [sad]

[shelleylou]

My brother was killed early hours of this morning. Dont know too many details as an investigation has been opened only that he would have died almost instantly and he's unmarked.
I feel so guilty i wasnt there for him when he needed me (always been like that with each other)I woke up with a start about that time and knew this morning that something was very wrong. Im going to mortuary later to see him, im dreading it as its going to make it seam more real but i have to do it for him id never forgive myself if i didnt. Atm it doesnt seam real its all just abad dream. RIP bro love you loads

Sounds like you did your brother proud - well done. I can imagine that you are feeling drained beyond words today. Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about all of you xxx

I think i did. Even if i did talk a bit quick felt like i was there for hours. I do feel drained still want to try and get up to the crem so i can see his floral tributes again. Just hope my foot allows me to get there lol.
It still doesnt seam real couldnt believe it was my brother in the coffin even though it was his. People have been asking what im doing for ds's birthday next week dont feel like doing anything as Matt should be there too.

Try your best to celebrate your DS's birthday next week - your little bro' will still be there - just, sadly, not physically. Sometimes you do have to put that brave face on - I hate having to - but sometimes its the only way.

When its my boys birthdays we get helium balloons and write messages on labels on them. We go up to my mums and we release the balloons just to let them know they are not forgotten.

On your DS's birthday it might be nice to let balloons go so that your brother can 'join in' with the party.

Just a daft idea but it does bring me comfort. Take care my love xxx

I'll try to usually take him out for the day but dont think i can face that this year then have family round. Just going to limit who comes as some of them that want to will not do me any good. I might do that with ds as he knows uncle matt's in the sky

I can't believe your DS is nearly 3 - time flies so fast.

Hope you're had an ok day today

Shelleylou, well done for holding it all together on Thursday. You should be proud of yourself, and your bro would be proud of you too.

I think the idea with the balloons on DS's birthday is lovely, especially as DS 'knows uncle matt's in the sky'.

Thinking of you all.

Awwww how sad that my Matt and your Matt are in the sky. I bet my Gareth and Matt have got your Matt pissed as arseholes-- drunk and they are pushing him home in a Tesco trolley as we speak I really, really hope they are xxxxx

meant to say arseholes but didnt

How do you know???????? LOL xxxx

Night night honey xxxx

hMatt will be burning the hell out of a YZF-R1 (his dream bike) he had a model of it go with him along with a signed pic of charley boorman. My grandad will have him at the pub. I cant believe ds is nearly 3, just been invited round to see a mates new baby. I want to go but its going to be weird, was born the day my db was killed.
My parents said i did the eulogy a bit quick felt like i was up there for hours and the poem took half of that time.

Your words and my thoughts of my sons with your bro conjure up an amazing picture - I hope that they have got together and are watching over us and just ROFL at our 'swimming through treacle!' because thats what this kind of bereavement is like.

My Matt was a total headcase loved rude jokes and toilet humour. My Gareth was too little for us to see his real personality but I found out in his few short months that he was stubborn, adorable and had a temper to match his red hair.

Im raising a glass now to our lost loved ones xxxxxx

It does conjure up a great picture. He'd ask me if i wanted help then give me it anyway. Matt has those traits not the red hair.

Cheers Shelley - or as my wonderful friends in Rhodes, Greece say 'Yamas!!!' I like the sound of your Matt

cheers, i got a taste for JD and coke now, thanks Matt lol. Matt was so many things full of contradictions with his character. Miss him so much. Cant belive its 2 weeks tomorrow. Im pleased though i managed to things for his funeral that i know he would love and be proud of me for.

Well said Shelley - he is proud of you...you and your family sound like you gave him a fantastic send off xxx

yea, personalised coffin had his bike hand painted onto it, a model of a YZF-R1 and a signed photo to him from his idol charley boorman

WOW how fantastic!!! My Matts funeral was amazing! I know how crazy that sounds but its true. His primary school closed and the majority of the children came to the funeral with the teachers - an amazing sight to see all those children, hand in hand, in two's walking down to the church. We couldn't fit everybody in - it was the most amazing tribute to a lovely kid. xxxxx

he'd have loved it so pleased charley sent it didnt think he would it is and odd request. got family photos n his buttonhole in there too.

That sounds great so nice all his friends came and the school made that mark of respect.

Matts favourite hymn - the school friends sang it like this with all the actions - fab, fab, fab!!

aww how sweet

ROFL all the adults joined in as well!!!!xxxx

i would have done too x

Shelley - the bereaved mums thread is full up!! TW has started a new one. Use the link I put in my last post on the old thread. xxxx

thanks i noticed before i went shop so joined the new one.