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Original poster

My ickle big brother. [sad]

301 replies

shelleylou · 19/10/2009 13:25

My brother was killed early hours of this morning. Dont know too many details as an investigation has been opened only that he would have died almost instantly and he's unmarked.
I feel so guilty i wasnt there for him when he needed me (always been like that with each other)I woke up with a start about that time and knew this morning that something was very wrong. Im going to mortuary later to see him, im dreading it as its going to make it seam more real but i have to do it for him id never forgive myself if i didnt. Atm it doesnt seam real its all just abad dream. RIP bro love you loads

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 24/10/2009 14:10

always well done. After my son was killed friends called at our house every night, when they were coming home from a night out, and brought us supper and stopped to make sure we would eat it. Somebody (and I never found out who) tidied up our gardens. Loads of Matts little mates called to ask how we were doing they were aged between 3 and 8.

A truly awful time but made easier by acts of kindness xxx

Original poster
shelleylou · 24/10/2009 22:32

It was lovely i was shocked by the amount.
A smile in an awful day. Ive been to see my brother's body again. It might sound awful but he isnt there. He's not as cold as he was on monday and his ears arent blue anymore his colouring isnt quite him though.

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alwayslookingforanswers · 24/10/2009 22:36

glad it made you smile - how was the pizza?

(shell was forced to have pizza tonight as the clutz that I am forgot that she has a much smaller freezer than I do.......I have 3 children - she has 1 and ordered lots of stuff for the freezer - some of which wouldn't fit apparently ).

Visit to you brother sounds tough .

Didn't buy the paper - but did pick up a copy and have a read in Morrisons today, really nice article (iykwim)

Original poster
shelleylou · 24/10/2009 22:41

it was nice manged a quarter of it and a slice of garlic bread.

It was i didnt want to leave him we were about to go and i had to go in and give him another kiss. I rearranged the sheet round him as could see sitches from the autopsy. Didnt think they would have done it like that.

DS wanted to see db today so had to tell him again that he was in the sky looking down on us but we wouldnt be able to see him anymore. DS then saw DB's bike and started looking for DB. Hes sat on in and had some pocs taken. Dreading tomorrow night but i have to be there at the same time.

Thanks, we think its fitting to him. Like how they did the pics on it

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Original poster
shelleylou · 24/10/2009 23:15

why are some people sooooooooooooooooo fucking insensitive ask how i am, tell them i feel like shit and ask if i have the flu?? then get all defensive when i say no my bro was killed??!!!!!!!11

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 24/10/2009 23:23
Sad
Original poster
shelleylou · 24/10/2009 23:26

got told they know so why fucking ask??!! would usually apologise for the language but i dont care atm. Just find comments like that awful. As it is i dont know if i need to find someone else to have ds tomorrow so i can go to memorial

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thumbscrewwitch · 25/10/2009 00:45

shelleylou, so sorry to hear this has happened - I just caught you on the Twilight topic and came to see what was happening. What a terrible time for you.

Defensive people - I had some of those when my nan died - 2 days later, "what's wrong with you?" oh let's see now, my nan just died, wtf do you THINK is wrong with me?
one even said - "oh it's only your nan" - I nearly decked that one.

can you not take your DS with you to the memorial or don't you want to?

Hi ALFA - hope you're doing ok - I was offline for a couple of weeks due to DH having a drunken wanker of a brother, they had a fight and we had to leave MIL's house for our safety. MIL, me and DS all ok, DH a tad bruised, but we never want to see him again and he won't leave MIL's house. So we moved in here without oven, bed, washing machine, telephone - nice. got them all now though.

alwayslookingforanswers · 25/10/2009 00:47

bloody hell Thumb!!! You all ok??

(sorry for thread hijack there shell).

alwayslookingforanswers · 25/10/2009 00:50

oh bloody local buses - was going to offer to come over on the bus to look after your DS tomorrow evening (would have to check it was ok with DH in the morning) - but they bleeding well stop from your town at 7.40

alwayslookingforanswers · 25/10/2009 00:55

oh actually - hang on - Shell - how much is a taxi from yours to the station? (train) (roughly)?

thumbscrewwitch · 25/10/2009 00:55

yep, we're all ok - twas a hell of a shock as it came from almost nowhere and I'd never seen anything like it so was squealing away - took DS down to the bottom of the garden until all the noise and furniture-throwing stopped. DH called the police, who came just as DS and I were getting in the car to leave for our house, and DH is going to get a restraining order on the wanker to stop him coming here. Court date is a week wednesday but none of us know what it entails.

Shelley, so sorry for hijack, just wanted to explain to ALFA why I'd been MIA for a couple of weeks.

Could your DS do a sleepover at a friend's house? Or would that not be appropriate?

Original poster
shelleylou · 25/10/2009 01:27

dont worry bout the hijack it doesnt matter,

memorial is in a nightclub and is from 6 so dont think it would be suitable for ds. not sure if my friend cant have josh or im reading too much into the message. always i have no idea how much a taxi is from here to station.
he knew what was wrong so i dont get why he got arsey then said im going to leave you to it before yous ay something you regret, like what your a freaking arsehole

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alwayslookingforanswers · 25/10/2009 01:30

ok - I'll need to check with DH in the morning to make sure he's ok with it - but if you do need someone to look after DS let me know by early afternoon and I'll get the train up and come and look after him for you - trains thankfully run later than buses (and why the hell did we never think of that before when trying to plan nights out???)

Original poster
shelleylou · 25/10/2009 01:31

always, i didnt say it for that reason just venting and ttrying and failing to make sense of things

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Original poster
shelleylou · 25/10/2009 01:33

thanks, got to ring her in am and find out whats happening as she offered to have ds overnight so i could have time to myself which could be useful for picking flowers for db but will sort them without that. DP said he'd have josh but think i may need him with me and know he'd like to be there i have no idea we know for in future now.

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alwayslookingforanswers · 25/10/2009 01:33

I know you didn't say it for that reason (and tbh I hadn't even seen that you'd written it until thumb mentioned it ). I said I'd DS sit for the funeral if you needed me (and thankfully you don't as I can't actually make it then again). Can't see DH having a problem with it, as long as I leave dinner ready to serve (not sure he's up to cooking dinners yet) so can come over if you need someone to sit with your DS. He should be ok with me, he knows me (sort of)

Original poster
shelleylou · 25/10/2009 01:34

he does know you he'll probably ask for your ds3 if he sees you lol, dont worry about the funeral i want him there, as i said earlier he needs to say his own see you later to his uncle. Especially after today

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alwayslookingforanswers · 25/10/2009 01:38

lol - we he can't have him - not at that time in the evening - I'd never get either of them to settle if they started playing at 5.30 and beyond .

I'll ask DH in the moring and send you a message (got church in the morning). If you're friend can't do it and DH says ok (sure he will) let me know and I'll hop the train

Better go to sleep I suppose - clocks may be going back but it's still 12.40 even with them changing.

Original poster
shelleylou · 25/10/2009 01:11

no the pair of them would be scheming as they always are. Light a candel for my DB would you? Want to try get church myself tomorrow even though he wasnt a church person at all i want to light a candle for him, want to show him the light to go towards, make sure he's with my grandad. thanks will change the time on my phone now or id have a shock in morning dp told me to take 2 pills but i dont want to be asleep any later than 10 at most. thanks again

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 25/10/2009 01:15

don't have candles in our church (not "high" enough)

Original poster
shelleylou · 25/10/2009 01:16

that would explain why i havent seen them there when ive been, just think of him to be shown the light then hey? pretty sure hes found it but got to know

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alwayslookingforanswers · 25/10/2009 01:19

will do - do you mind if I ask whoever is doing the prayers to include you and the rest of your family in the prayers?

Original poster
shelleylou · 25/10/2009 01:19

I dont, would be a bit of comfort to me, we need all the strength we can muster atm

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 25/10/2009 01:21

no problem - thought I'd better check first, I'm sure many will have seen it in the paper and lots remember you from the Christening (with your fantastic organising of the food in the hall after the service)

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