Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My ickle big brother. [sad]

301 replies

shelleylou · 19/10/2009 13:25

My brother was killed early hours of this morning. Dont know too many details as an investigation has been opened only that he would have died almost instantly and he's unmarked.
I feel so guilty i wasnt there for him when he needed me (always been like that with each other)I woke up with a start about that time and knew this morning that something was very wrong. Im going to mortuary later to see him, im dreading it as its going to make it seam more real but i have to do it for him id never forgive myself if i didnt. Atm it doesnt seam real its all just abad dream. RIP bro love you loads

OP posts:
Original poster
shelleylou · 27/10/2009 21:13

no its not but i hadnt seen that at the time i screamed. She coldnt deal with my parents and had to get someone else to when they went into the bank earlier. Its completely unrelated to that comment. That comment is prefrable actually.

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 27/10/2009 21:19

oh dear

Have to confess I nearly wrote a rude comment in response to that one on your status.....decided against it though.

Original poster
shelleylou · 27/10/2009 21:25

Ye thats a lil bit of an understantment.

That dosnt surprise me i nearly did too. How the hell does she think it feels for me. She does seam to have a habit of being a bit insensitive with this

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 27/10/2009 21:33

well yes that's exactly what I was going to write

Original poster
shelleylou · 27/10/2009 21:37

yea thought it might be. Its still prefrable to what my parents were asked today. Been a bit of a nightmare werent sure if i was going to be able to see db tonight as it was 4.50 that we found out that the coffin had arrived should have been there this morning. DB was sorted though so spent an hour with him.
It was really strange usually i feel at ease being with him but i didnt really tonight. Got what i wanted after 8 days though. I was able to hold his hand clutched it for about 30 mns maybe longer before mum had it and by then it was warm

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 27/10/2009 21:40

what on earth did someone say to them????

Glad you managed to see him today though

You got some breathing space in your freezer yet

Original poster
shelleylou · 27/10/2009 21:46

That fucking twat that ws driving wants to come to the funeral!!!! mum said no so he wants to go to funeral directors and see matt mum told me earlier and said i could imagine what she said. My answer was it better have been fuck off. It will only be to try and clear his conscience!! Funeral directors have been informed not to allow him to see db if they are unsure of anyone who wants to see him they are going to check with my parents. We'd heard hed got out the area (best for him if he was) and someone else told me he was rearrested but AFAIK that is just a rumour.

Dont try buy black shoes for toddler its a pita had to get trainers.

A little bit, having to get takeaway tonight as my gas has messed up so got no heating or able to use my cooker.

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 27/10/2009 21:49

oh bloody hell........ermm nothing more I can really say to the first bit.

I know about black shoes for toddlers - I had to get DS3 trainers last year for his Christening. No-one noticed though .

Takeaway sounds good. No heating doesn't sound so good - although it's not too cold tonight (at least it's not down here anyhow).

Original poster
shelleylou · 27/10/2009 21:54

no i was shocked he had the audacity to ask. Shouldnt be really as his mum still pestering to speak to my mum.

Hes got black trainers should be alright.

It does indeed. Im cold although im constantly cold atm.

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 28/10/2009 00:44

Shell - add me, if you want, on facebook - sharon hillman!!! See what I do, wear my heart on my sleeve, all the time!! My keyboard is sticking cause my DS4 has been spinning spiggy (chewing gum) around his fingers and then typing on it Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!

alwayslookingforanswers · 28/10/2009 00:47

ewwww shabba

shabbapinkfrog · 28/10/2009 00:56

Always been lucky me!!!

alwayslookingforanswers · 28/10/2009 00:58

you see this is why my computer is just that......MINE. The DS's use DH's computer

shabbapinkfrog · 28/10/2009 01:07

We are a one computer house up t'north LOL

alwayslookingforanswers · 28/10/2009 01:11

we always used to be one computer - then DH and I split up for a while - he got his own computer, I had my own computer......we moved back in together and I wasn't going to get rid of mine (the monitor and speakers were ones I was given, the actual "computer" bit is one that Shell's dad built for me last year so was mine proper) and he wasn't going to get rid of his.

So we have our own computer desks one in the alcove in the middle of the "dining" half of the lounge/diner, his in the alcove on the otherside of the "divide" in the middle lounge alcove.

Far enough apart to have our own space......but close enough for the odd kiss and hand holding.

(sorry hijacking your thread again shell )

shabbapinkfrog · 28/10/2009 01:17

sorry to hijack again but we are co ming up to our 32nd wedding anniversary so Im not holding his hand unless he buys me my own computer

alwayslookingforanswers · 28/10/2009 01:22

shell - I know that the wedding is the last thing on your mind. But I had a thought on Sunday as I was plaing at church.

You know that whole bridesmaid issue that came up just over a week ago. Well I was thinking, if you'd prefer to have someone else that's cool........but I'll have some spare hands on the day and if you want an organist.........

Well I'd be happy to play for you (as long as you're not going to want Widor's Toccata as I can't play properly that as my hands aren't big enough)

Original poster
shelleylou · 28/10/2009 08:08

shabba i just went to add you on FB but theres a few people with you name so no idea which one you are.

My dads quite nifty with computers, fixes mine up when ds messes it up lol. Thats a really nice offer always, your right it is the last thing on my mind atm. My bro has told me im not aloud to postpone it as Matt wouldnt want that and whenever it happens he wont be there physically. He will be with me in more ways than one though

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 28/10/2009 08:11

Morning xx My profile picture is of my face in a bright blue cookie monster outfit thanks to faceinhole.com!!

alwayslookingforanswers · 28/10/2009 08:12

Shell - I've just done a search for her and I've found her - her picture is ermmm, interesting, and think of her MN nickname - she's got it in there

shabbapinkfrog · 28/10/2009 08:13
Grin
Original poster
shelleylou · 28/10/2009 08:15

I found you, just sent the request. Why didnt i think of looking for part of the MN name lol

OP posts:
Original poster
shelleylou · 28/10/2009 08:19

I wish people would read the paper! fed up of being asked how i/the family is. Today's gunna be shit anyway, last time i can see my bro and will only be for an hour this evening. Might not look like him now seen him change over the past few days but i got to accept it as much as i can. Im hoping he gives me the strength so i can give my eulogy tomorrow

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 28/10/2009 08:23

I know he will be around you and give you the strength - if you cry - so what?

Just went onto FB and did the 'my photo of the day' application - and it brought up my Matt!!! I only have one photo of him on there.

Original poster
shelleylou · 28/10/2009 08:26

Ye i want to do it myself not get the pastor to take over - no offence to him but its my eulogy i know its me thats written it and its from the heart thats enough but still.

I just saw that. Think ive only got one photo of my matt on there, its with my ds and he was putting his crash helmet on him. Its strange as he was sooo protective of it

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread