Gareth and Matthews thread for bereaved Mummies - the special thread where the light bulb at the end of the tunnel is always lit xx

[shabbapinkfrog]

So pleased that we are all here helping each other walk the 'crappy' path xxxx

Your darling Oliver has been added Everlong. I can't believe it has nearly been a year

You're in my thoughts TW and wishing you a bit of a release after tomorrow xxx

I actually like this time of year, but not the dark mornings. Losing C in November has skewed my enjoyment of it somewhat , but I have lots more Autumns and Winters to experience so I am trying my hardest to enjoy my favourite time of year.

Good luck at the MW Dee, enjoy the poking!

I like - thanks for updating our list my love...my head is up my arse bum and I cant even spell my own name today. Just walked half way up to school with Tom and he started being sick...so have walked all the way home, and put him back in bed. Two year 8's were walking up as we were coming back - their remarks? 'No wonder you're so effing fat - gay boy - look at the size of your Mum Im glad ashamed to say I just told them to eff off - not quite sure how I kept my hands off them.

Have just had a 'word' with my boys to ensure that these ferrel, revolting kids have the worst day possible!

It makes you wonder how some kids are dragged brought up, doesn't it?

Hop Tom is ok, Shabbs. I remember having to face bullies like that everyday... it was hell.

Just dropped boyo off at breakfast club with a note in his pocket for the teacher saying if he's not so good to gimmie a ring and i'll come get him. I think he'll be fine though. Had a quick tidy round as the midwifes due in an hour - luckily she comes to me so i don't have to traipse anywhere in this sodding rain.

If I had one wish for Tom it would be that he would grow taller rapidly in year 8 and look slimmer.....fancy having to face, everyday, 'fat,gay boy!. Im going to get our Danny to meet him on Friday night and walk down with him. Danny is about 5ft 11in and built like a brick shit house! Soft as muck underneath but he has a wicked sarcastic mouth not sure where he gets that from.

I can't imagine....

shabs i have a picture on my wall of ds ,i love, he hates,but he thinks he was fat , i dont know hes a tree surgeon its all muscle,bit of beer gut,but all kids go through it, it pisses you off just because your big people think they can say what they want and you wont feel it,the gits. im big , i need to loose weight now because im ashmatic and now my knee is been crap,but i cant loose weight any more,

Dont understand this world Hazey - I know that teasing has always gone on at school - but this is being done in front of me so God only knows what they are saying to him in school. I wish he would turn around and paste the biggest one of them. He used to do wrestling - not the tv kind the proper olympic wrestling. He could pin the biggest kid at school and frighten the crap out of them. He can pin our Dan and he is almost 6ft tall. I just want to shout in their faces 'Do you have any idea what I have lived through, and am still living through.' BUT I know they would take the pee even more.

Im so angry, I need to have my say with them but know that it would cause more trouble for Tom. IF there is a God I could do with him making stuff better. Feel very low after the weekend stuff on here - another form of bullying really? Right - I need to wash my ugly mug, do some housework and wait for Lew to arrive. xxx

Well, if you want housework to do....

I have been known to lie often about not being on here and doing my housework

I am still here , I cba to do anything and my house is a tip and I know it will make me feel better if I do it but all I want to do is sob today .

Won't make any odds though will it ?

You do want you want to do TW - sobbing often makes me feel much better. My lovely Gran used to say 'You should always skrike (Lancashire word for cry) it makes you pee less.' Just be kind to yourself love....xxxxx

ILike - can you work your magic with our list my love? Feedmenow would like Eris to be added.

11th March,2008 Eris's birthday and remember day (Feedmenow)

Thank you xxxxxx

shabs ,im a believer in karma. you just have to be patient,give tom a hug from me.
ive just been to boundry mills,i need more candles,the rain is bad innit.big hugsx

TW thinking bout you and that lovely boy x

Thank you chegirl , I have had a good few vodkas now and am feeling a wee bit maudlin but heh ho , bugger all I can do about it x

You do what you need to do love x

Don't know if I you have all seen this already but I wanted to show you anyway , I wrote it and posted it earlier on entitled

Dear family and friends

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/838414-Dear-family-and-friends

Just about sums me up at the minute

Hi Girls,

I so sorry I've not been around for so long but so much has been happening. I've thought of you girls every day and have lurked a few times but the longer the time has passed the harder I've found it to come back on. Elodie is now 21 weeks old and is such a gorgeous baby but I just feel so empty at times as experienceing everyday with her makes me miss Noah even more. So much has been happening lately- DD has now started school and in a way I've found the change harder than I thought it would be.

Have been having a bit of a crap time the past week. My Dad who was diagnosed with cancer in 2006 (and then thankfully went into remission in 2007) has always suffered with his back but recently he suspected a trapped nerve. Following tests my parents told me that this is what the Doctors had confirmed. I then found out last week that my parents hadn't been exactly honest with me as they didn't want me to worry. It turns out that (as well as a trapped nerve) they found a shadow on his spine which they are now going to investigate, he's having to further scans this week to find out. I just feel so sick about it all. First my Dad gets cancer, then Noah, now this. To top it all my cousin in France who is just 42 and has cancer has been rapidly going down hill and is now back in hospital where she will stay until she dies, they don't expect it to be long now. What's worse is she is still fully aware of what is going on and she has been told they can't do anything else for her.

I'm sorry to vent like this, but I just don't know what to do or how to cope.

OMG Lighthouse - firstly, welcome 'home' I have missed you.

So much sadness, so much ill health. I dont know what to suggest my love - really dont. We had a time like this when everything I touched turned to crap dust, everybody was ill, we were all grieving. It seems to come like that.

All I can suggest is keep coming here and ranting - maybe some of us will have our own story to tell about how we coped when life kicked our bums. Dont be a stranger to us my love. We all need each other here

JANUARY

20th Jan,1992 Billies birthday (Chegirl)

FEBRUARY

28th Feb,2008 Lucies birthday (Crumpette)

MARCH

11th March 2008, Erin's Birthday & Remember Day (FeedMeNow)

APRIL

3rd April,2007 Benjamins remember day (Charleymouse)
12th April,2009 Lucies remember day (Crumpette)
13th April, 2005 Frasers remember day (FMummy)
15th April, 2005 Frasers birthday (FMummy)
27th April, 2006 Billie's remember day (chegirl)

MAY

10th May,1992 Matts remember day (Shabbs)
24th May,1993 Christinas birthday (B.Butterfly)

JUNE

25th June,1993 Christinas remember day (B.Butterly)
30th June, 2009 Niamhs birthday and remember day (Woolly Jo)
30th June, 1984 Matts birthday (Shabbs)

JULY

13th July - Callums remember day (LittleMissPMeno)
21st July, 1982 Gareths remember day (Shabbs)
23rd July,2009 Nimahs funeral (Woolly Jo)
29th July, 2008 Caitlins birthday (Olissa)
30th July. Coles birthday (Liketomoveit)

AUGUST

3rd August, 2008 Caitlins remember day (Olissa)
5th August,2009 Felix's birthday and remember day (Tinkerbelle)
8th August - Callums funeral (LittleMissPMeno)

SEPTEMBER

9th September Ciarans birthday and remember day (Deemented)
18th September,2006 Jaydens birthday (Hazygirl)

OCTOBER

1st October - Ciarans funeral (Deemented)
7th October,2000 Harrys birthday (TWilbury)

NOVEMBER

6th November 2008 - Oliver's Remember Day (Everlong)
7th November - Coles remember day (ILiketomoveit)
20th November 1987 - Oliver's Birthday (Everlong)

DECEMBER

1st December,2006 Jaydens remember day (Hazygirl)
2nd December,2001 Harrys remember day (TWilbury)
18th December,2006 Jaydens funeral (Hazygirl)
22nd December,1994 Jacks birthday and remember day (Lottie)
28th December,1981 Gareths (and Dannys) birthday

Hi Lighthouse - it's lovely to hear about Elodie

Not so good to hear about your Dad and cousin though. What a shit time you're all going through.

Having M defo helped and I think accelerated the grieving process with C, but I also find looking after a baby so all consuming, it's hard to find the time/head space to grieve for C - iyswim

Please don't apologise for coming here.

Thanks for your help Ilike - I just cant get my head around wiping my own bum just at the moment....sleeping worse than normal

Just noticed FMNow's little girl is Eris - can you change it for me....you are going to be giving the monitor the V sign every time I come on and say 'I like can you help me!!' My DS1 once flashed his bum at me over the web cam because I was so useless at using the PC

Hi lighthouse , we too had an awful phase for a few yrs after Harry died , I was scared to even answer the phone after a while because I was always expecting crappy news .

My BIL died , my dhs dad died and his aunt and uncle too .It was awful , I have no words of wisdom but I am here and listening if you ever want to talk about it .

I also struggled when I first hadmy next baby , I kept looking for similarities between the two and was scared when I found them and pissed off when I didn't
As Ilike said it also takes over every part of your day so finding the time for grieving is difficult .

I am glad to see you but sorry you are having such a sad time .

Big hugs to you xx