Gareth and Matthews thread for bereaved Mummies - the special thread where the light bulb at the end of the tunnel is always lit xx

[shabbapinkfrog]

So pleased that we are all here helping each other walk the 'crappy' path xxxx

Give Dizzy my love too - I have only posted a couple of times on her threads, but I can't stop thinking about her. She fought so very, very hard for those little girls.

Tinkerbelle, after Caitlin died I wanted another baby almost straight away, but DH didn't. He thought we should wait six months. We waited six months and then he changed his mind, he wasn't sure he ever wanted another child. To be honest, we came close to splitting up. And then I got made redundant so financially it was a crap time to think about another anyway. I decided to wait and do my damnedest to work things out with DH. We also had a long period of struggling after his mum died - sounds awful but we seem to deal with grief completely differently! Things started to improve - I think he felt the pressure was off.

Of course, three months after this I fell pregnant completely unplanned.

I don't recommend this way of doing things but while DH is still very scared, and more so because our baby is another little girl, he is now looking forward to her coming and I have every belief that things are going to be OK.

So for us, it was 10 months, but in all honesty I could think of little else for months beforehand, and it made things very hard.

TW, I started smoking again after C died as well (had been stopped for nearly three years) and also drank more than usual, ate more than usual, was on ADs - so then found myself having to stop smoking and drinking straight away when I found out, and pregnant on all sorts of medication and with a BMI of 36. And I do have another child!

TW Quickstep and Olissa

Thanks for sharing - I feel so confused. Deep down I worry that I am just trying to block out the pain and hurt, pretend this isn't my shit life I'm living and make it all go away with a new baby to focus on. On the otherhand myabe I overthink things and this just is the way it is.

Had some news to make me smile. My best friend from home (UK) has invited me to Thailand as she will be there for a couple of weeks in December. It is easier/quicker for me to travel from here to Thailand than UK so it will be lovely chance to catch up as although she was around when Felix was born she had just had her own baby and it was hard for me, even though she was wonderful. She was a great friend to me but I couldn't be to her. Although I don't think she felt that way at all.

Anyway a holiday on the cards. Only prob is DD's bday falls whilst I'd be away which is obviously not good (and I made mistake of posting about it on AIBU - bit judged, That'll teach me!)

DH wants me to go - knows I'll talk to her so thinks it'll do me good and he is usually right. Would be nice to enjoy myself and spend time with someone who wont care if I just cry all night.

tinker
Niamh died nearly 14 weeks ago, I would have been pregnant first cycle after having her if I could have contrived it.

I decided within 24 hours that I wanted another baby (and felt guilty for it until the midwife told me off)my wish for a baby has not gone, my wish for a sibling for DD has not gone. My worry was that dh wouldn't want another but thankfully he did.

If I do fall pregnant relatively quickly I'm not sure if we will tell folk, even with my miscarriage history I am rubbish at keeping secrets but this is a bit different and maybe I do feel a bit guilty about it.

Good night girls. Was going to link Dizzy to our thread but, with a bit of advice, have decided to leave it until next week. xxxx

Morning girls.

Morning xxx

ladies, I've been in two minds whether to post on here as don't want to intrude on your very personal and private sanctury.

Shabs and Dee, I know you are friends with another lady who has suffered a terrible terrible loss in the last few days and you've been a huge support to her.
I've just noticed what could potentially be a particularly nasty thread in chat. I'm too IT retarded to know how to link, but its called 'read me'. I have a horrible feeling it is about the lady you've been supporting, who I beleive is genuine as I can't believe anyone could possibly make stuff like that up.

I just wanted you to be aware of it as you have been supporting her and it is clear she is on the edge. Seeing that thread would be even more devestating. I could be wrong, it could be about another thread but I don't think so.

Once again, I'm so very sorry for posting on here but didn't know how else to make you aware of it.

Dee, I have posted on one of your threads and I do hope you are trying to get some rest and not allow yourself to be too stressed xx

Thanks Mumoverseas - have posted on the thread xxx

Hi Shabs are you ok ? I have just been reading that thread .
Lovely response by the way xx

Jeeeez

I don't know what to say. I was about to post on the other thread but it appears to have been deleted. Matters not.

I feel sick. Sick if this is true. Sick if it is not. And I for sure have no idea.

Dee, Shabs I hope you are both ok? You both made lovely responses and I just wanted to say that regardless, or perhaps in spite, of that thread you are not gulliable and perhaps now would be a good time to remind you that you have both helped me in a very dark time. Sometimes by saying and sometime by just knowing.

Thank you.

You are both wonderful women.

I had to go out to my friends DS's birthday party. Did the thread get nasty and was I called any names?? I need to know - dont care if I was called anything I just need to know.

I will always respond the same way to anyone who sounds so sad. Dont care if they are a troll or not - if they are a troll then I still feel for them because that has to be some kind of mental illness.

Yes, Im fine thanks. Felt a bit shaky and had a small wobble but, in the great scheme of things, its nowt really xxxxx

hugs dee and shabs hope you okx

thanks Hazy xxxx

Hey Shabs, the thread didn't get nasty at all, very rational discussion (most unlike MN!) Lots of posters voicing concerns.

No one was called names. The only time you were mentioned was in the context of how wonderful you were and posters hoping you and Dee hadn't been hurt by this.

Gave me a wobble too - too close in time to my loss - but like you say in the grand scheme it means little.

Thanks love....my heart keeps pounding like mad - even my DS1 was in tears when I told him the other day. Still nothing has been proven one way or the other. I hope that mnhq do let us know what is happening. I hate it when everything is up in the air like this.

((((Shabs))))

I have not been around this weekend but I gather there is some doubt about Dizzy's story?

It is always awful when this happens, whatever the outcome.

I'm sorry if my drawing your attention to the thread caused you upset, I just felt you had to know if that makes sense.
I too have been in tears the last few days and my first thought every morning had been how DM was. I've not suffered the type of pain you ladies have although I did suffer a m/c 4 years ago which was pretty devestating. On several occasions I have been b/f my baby and sobbing my heart out for poor DM. I still can't believe that its not real and wonder if we will ever know?
This truly is horrible.

Shabs, as others have said, any reference to you and Dee were what wonderful people you are

You did the right thing to draw our attention to the thread. Feel very weird after today - just sort of jumpy and soooooooo tired. Mumoverseas - I was sorry to hear about your miscarriage - if you ever need to talk just come back to our special thread - genuine, loving, caring ladies on here xxxxx

chegirl - yes massive doubts are being aired about her 'story.' I have emailed her just to say I am checking if she is ok but I havent heard anything at all. xxx

Little bit of a gatecrash here. I've been off in all weekend, and have just come back to find some quite disturbing stuff going on as alluded to above.

On Friday, on another thread, I said I was going to make a donation to SANDS in memory. I had a card problem and the transaction never went through (maybe karma) but I still intend to make the donation. I plan to change the message to "In memory of all the MN babies taken too soon".

I haven't been in your sad situation, and I just wanted to check that this was appropriate and that I wouldn't offend anyone.

I am really really sorry for Dee and Shabs and anyone who has given their love and support. I dont know what the truth is but I do know how utterly devastating it can feel when this happens.

Its so hard to understand why someone would do this but they do and fairly frequently.

We shall have to wait and see. It sounds ridiculous saying 'i hope it is genuine' because I would not with the loss of a child on anyone. So in a way I hope its all a lie IYSWIM.

I have been here before and its dreadful.

Portofino I think that is a wonderful idea xx

Just wanted to send love to Dee and Shabs - I've missed a lot of the speculation I think and have no idea what's going on any more! but I think you've both dealt with this brilliantly and I sincerely hope you are both OK.

Portofino, that is a very kind idea and I appreciate it very much as I'm sure others will.

what an absolute shitty day on Mumsnet...totally and utterly crap

Morning girls xx