Gareth and Matthews thread for bereaved Mummies - the special thread where the light bulb at the end of the tunnel is always lit xx

[shabbapinkfrog]

So pleased that we are all here helping each other walk the 'crappy' path xxxx

That's pretty much what my friend said this morning Shabs. I didn't want to spoil a family occasion by causing a scene but felt p'd off that no-one spoke about him so i said nothing then fumed all evening and felt really selfish!! I'm very much being cautious about everything i'm saying in front of mum in particular as i don't think she can cope with my grief. xx

Since my darling grandson was born 15 months ago I can only imagine how my mum must have felt when my boys died

aw girls,big hugs .i often feel crap cos i miss jayden so much,yes we have grandaughters and i worship them,just hes missing ,i feel crap cos think how the hell must my dd feel, i still need to talk about him,went to family do on sunday and one of my sister s relatives,was speaking to us,i told her i was a granny to four,my mum immediately piped up no three love, i glared and she relisesd she pissed me off and apologised,sort of,but christ it hurts so bloody much ,its three years in december.
my dd goes on berevement forum and they had a meet on saturday,2nd one she said it was so lovely to talk to them about her son ,where in life so many change subjject

One step forward and three steps back - work team leader has just postponed our meeting so won't be able to meet him for at least another two weeks. So much for my plans to get back to work. I'm just so impatient at the moment.

Hey hazy - everyone is just so different aren't they? When i spoke to dh today about how upset i was he thought i was being weird as in his mind there was no need for anyone to talk about ds2.

our song to our children

I know I have put this song on at least 3 times but I think this explains early bereavement and older grief. Peterpan - men think about things very differently from women. When people dont mention my boys anymore I sing this song in my mind. Have you ever thought of keeping a diary or writing down your thoughts? I did it for a while and when I read it now I realise how far I have travelled down this God forsaken road without my sons. xxx

Good morning girls xx

ppm there is every reason to keep talking about your son, im so sorry but it hurts so bloody much doesnt it,and every thing we celebrate a holiday, an anniversary its heartbreaking ,jayden died on 1st december we bought the kids advent calendars ,at 7pm we opened first window with them,he laid in pram gurgling so happily in pram,id never seen him so alert, im sat here and i can still hear and see him, at 10pm our lives changed forever.#
the next year it took everything id got to buy them bloody advent calendars,tears poured down my face in shop,its a bloody calendar ffs,but id got new granddaughter,same age as he was the year before ,got it broke me.
i think its a great idea keeping book on thoughts,my councillor told me to write and destroy ,i wish id saved to see if its changed ,sometimes im not sure at all.

Hazy, my DS died 3 years ago & I sometimes feel that it gets worse, not better. In the early months, we were protected & lots of people came round, remembered to talk about F, looked out for our other boys, etc & altho every new thing/date without him was awful, I would steel myself to deal with it.It's not possible to keep that up indefinitely. As time goes by, others move on - rightly so - but it makes it so much more difficult to keep F part of our everyday lives.
Peterpan, I think you're doing brilliantly focusing on work & it must be frustrating not being able to progress. Having time to fill is not necessarily a good thing, is it? Lots of people told me in the early days to 'find time for myself' but that was the last thing I wanted. Work for me was not easy as my little boy should have been in my class, but I did a lot of gardening!That & housework kept me just on this side of sanity.
Shabba, I also write my thoughts down occasionally -it gives me something special for F. Thank you for the link - will check it out later.
x

PPM - maybe you could explain to your boss that you are itching to get back to work asap, they may be able to see you sooner?

I know what you mean about keeping our dc in your everyday life. We're moving towards C's 2nd remember day and I've already resigned myself to the fact that we won't get the cards and flowers this year. I don't care about the material stuff, but I like to think that people will remember C and acknowledge the day that changed our lives forever.

Where's TW?

Hello everyone , I am back from London

I had a fab time , it was just what I needed , we went out , drank vodka and talked a lot of shite . It was great .

I hope everyone is as ok as can be , I will have a catch up now xx

I so know that feeling of the elephant in the room , it is horrible when we all get together as a family and noone mentions Harry , I have had so many arguments in my head about it and even spoken to family about it in the past but it never makes any difference . Some people just can't won't do it .

Hazy reading that about the advent calender really struck a chord with me , Harry died on the 2nd and I kept his advent calender for about 5yrs before I finally threw it out . It still hurts every yr when I have to go and buy only 2 and not 3 .

Good luck with sorting out the job ppm , it must be so frustrating now you have made the decision to not just get back in there .

Ilike , people still do acknowledge Harrys birthday and anniversary but you are right it isn't as much as the first yr but the ones that do remember and make an effort with us are worth the world to us .

Sorry me again , I am on a roll now

One of the biggest bullshit excuses people used to say to me when I asked them why they didn't mention Harry to me was that they didn't want to remind me and that I looked ok so they didn't want to make me sad .

That used to drive me mad , Like I was going to say "Oh shit yes you are right I did have a son didn't I ? I have been wondering where he went"

Some people are idiots and just won't deal with it . We haven't got that luxury .

Anyway I will stop my waffling now , I have obviously been talking so much shite over the last couple of days I can't switch it off .

How you doing TW? It's Harry's remember day coming up isn't it? {{{hugs}}}

I think the problem is we are all very British about it. Stiff upper lip, Don't talk about it. It's so bloody unhealthy.

A lady who I sort of knew to chat to when we lost C, but who I now know a lot better actually took me aside the other month and apologised for not being around more when C died and for the aftermath that follows. She had a new baby at the time and we didn't really know each other that well, so I really didn't expect anything from her (iyswim), but I was really grateful and impressed that she said something to me now. It must have taken a lot for her to say that, and she's not the sort of person to say something just to make herself feel better.

Thanks for the support everyone, it means a lot.

It was supposed to be Thurs I was meeting work but am contemplating if i can find the strength to just call a couple of my colleagues (its all men who are really lovely) and see who's in on thursday morning and go meet them in the canteen for a coffee. I need to think through whether i could cope with being back in the office building or not - Almost feel like if i can't meet the management i need to accomplish something this week!! You're very right TW and Ziggy it is frustrating! ..... and i'm so not doing patience just now!!!!!!!!!!!

I do write down some stuff shabs and yes it does help on days when i'm able to take a step back to see how i'm moving.

Just been at a parents evening chat for DS1 who just started school in August and it is fantastic to hear just how well he is settling into school - means so much to know how he's just coping with what life has thrown at him. I'm so proud of him.

Evening girls xx

Peterpan - give your DS1 a massive hug from me - well done him!! xxxxx

Thanks Shabs hug duly delivered although i'll have to tell him in the morning who it was from as he's sound asleep

Awwwww - children see things in either black or white - they dont do the shitty grey area in the middle that is full of 'if onlys' and raw, tender emotions. Oh to be a child again His attitude is also a massive reflection of you as amazing parents. If you weren't positive and loving and honest with him he wouldn't be the same person that he is - well done you xxxx

Morning girls xx

Morning folks.

morning girlsx big hugsxx

Good morning everyone xx

Hi all, Its not looking so rosy with the new guy! He rang me up when he had had a drink on Friday and started listing all the reasons why he though it wouldnt work..... He left me a nice message and several texts later, he then left me alone for the weekend with Wilf as i had asked him too, i rang him yesterday and he was in London, he rang me back and was rather non committal, im in London as well tomorrow so have suggested we meet, he said he would ring me so i will have to wait and see.........

So sorry things aren't going to plan Lottie.

We had our consultant appointment at the hospital to go through the test results following Niamh's stillbirth. Everything was fine, placenta fine bloods fine, no indication during pregnancy, no problems with the care, etc, etc.... so why did my little girl die just before she was born?

I'm guessing the next few days are going to be tough

Hi honey, I'm home!

Or something like that!

I see many old familiar faces and sadly many new ones too (although I've not been here in so long that they might not really be all that new!)

My months on maternity leave are over and I have returned to work. And now that things are getting back to "normal" as far as life with a baby goes, I find myself taking backwards steps as far as life as mummy to an angel baby goes.

So where else would I go than back here, to warm, familiar people with warm, familiar hugs?

Oh FMN so good to see you xxxx