Gareth and Matthews thread for bereaved Mummies - the special thread where the light bulb at the end of the tunnel is always lit xx

[shabbapinkfrog]

So pleased that we are all here helping each other walk the 'crappy' path xxxx

Good luck for today woolyjo. I often find the scenario's I go through in my head when I'm faced with a new situation are so much worse than what actually happens. I hope it's the same for you xx

Hope today went well, Woolyjo - I find new social situations really difficult esp when they're child-centred.

I'm glad your fil enjoyed his weekend, Hazygirl, & you should be proud of your dcs

I know there's not a definitive answer to this but how have your friendships changed since losing your little ones? After 3 years, many of the people we counted as friends have disappeared &, strangely, some of the ones who were great have not been around since the baby arrived. We have some wonderful friends who we didn't really know before DS3's accident & a gallant few who have hung on through DS2's traumatic early years & the rest. Reading that through, it seems I've answered my own question but I just wondered what others' experience was.

friendswot are they

Morning girls xx

Good morning allxx

Ziggy , we were pretty lucky in that we have still got most of the same friends , a couple fell by the wayside and a couple of people I had always thought of as acquantinces turned out to be brilliant friends to us both and still are .

However I don't think I have made a new friend since he died , I tend to stick with people who already know , I hate having "that" conversation with anybody new and tbh I have probably kept myself seperate from the mums at the school because of it . I just never know when to tell them , and hated them asking , the look on their face always just makes me want to run away .

Hazy , that is really sad
Has anyone hung around from those days ?

friends from then ring very occcaisonaly,odd text,i suppose i hid away for a while and then after a while suppose they dont bother.
i work with a couple of wonderful girls that keep me going if you know what i mean.
and ive thrown myself into work ,working every other night turns you into a hermit

Hi girls, sorry ive been away for so long but have had a lot to sort out here. I have had a lot of problems with Wilfred which hopefully are going to be resolved over the next few weeks! On a happier note i have met a new guy! Only seen him twice but is going well!!! He wont be meeting Wilf for a little while though i dont think!

All sounds great Lottie...keep us informed because I am very nosey

Trying to think about what happened to 'our friends' after we lost the boys. After Matt was killed we seemed to 'attract' a lot of quite odd people because his accident was all over the local newspapers. A handful of old friends have always kept in touch and supported us. All my sons friends who are on Facebook have a vague memory of when the accident happened and are always very supportive...most of them are very shocked to know that Danny's twin died so many years ago. We were new to the area when Gareth died and didn't know many people.

I think that only people who have experienced this hell can understand it.

Forgot to say before, i went to Jacks grave yesterday, the guy who i met took me as he likes looking at old buildings and i thought id kill two birds with one stone and show him the church too. I cant believe that the cross is going to have to be varnished again already,,,,,,,,,,,,, I went to one of the Macmillan Coffee Mornings and there was a beautiful small flower arrangement so i bought it. Mum has stopped putting flowers on the grave because within an hour the rabbits have rampaged through the hedge and eaten everything! She doesnt like plastic flowers either so i just put them on when i can get over there. I cant believe he would have been 15 this Christmas!!

Ah, Lottie... hugs hun x

For various reasons that are difficult to explain i wont be online for a while, i can access my emails and facebook from my phone but dont know if i will be able to access MN. Will be back when you see me!!

Morning girls xx

Hi Girls

Sorry for being awol for a few days... life just seems to be non stop at the moment

I am off on holiday in a few hours.. we are headed to haggerston castle for a week.. I am really looking forward to just chilling

I hope you all have as good week as can be hoped .. I will be thinking of you all

take care

Hi all xx

Lottie I hope whatever you want to happen happens xx

fm , have a great holiday , I am off tomorrow for a couple of nights to stay with a friend in London , without children or dh , I am very excited

Hope everyone is as ok as can be xx

Afternoon all

so very tired today but at least the sun is shining. DH is on his way home and then I'm taking the afternoon off and heading to the allotment whilst he clears out his van with dd.

Thinking of you all

Enjoy your time away TW and FM.

Lovely news Lottie

I remember the early times of grief being so very tiring. You take care Woollyjo xxx

So do I - when you close your eyes it feels like you are falling through a deep black hole in space - if you manage to get to sleep you are more tired when you wake up! I used to be able to fall asleep on a chickens lip for about 45 minutes then I would wake up again. Take care Woolyxxxx

Good morning all xx

I remember that tiredness too , I could get to sleep through complete exhaustion but after an hour or two my body would figure I wasn't completely in a coma so would wake up again .

I used to want to strangle my dh , he slept like a baby from really early on , it was his escape but I wanted to kill him for being able to sleep .

Good morning girls xx

Morning.

Tis chilly here, the heating has gone on.

Same here love...it even 'smells' cold outside if you know what I mean?

its cold here toox yesterday sun shone and i was working,got this morning off and its freezingx

Morning girls xx

Morning everyone xx

Got an encouraging response from work so am meeting my team leader later this week for lunch and a chat. Will see what he's got to say as i think i can just about visualise being back at work which is different to how i felt a month or two months ago if that makes sense.

Really tough day yesterday - family gathering with my parents, my brother and his family. Spent whole day with them and not one of them mentioned our wee boy - felt really low last night wondering if he will fade from their memories just as quickly as he has already faded from their conversations. Am I being selfish to want to talk about him? Do you think they just don't know whether to talk about him or not in my presence? or maybe their own grief is preventing them talking about him? Very much reminded me of the 'elephant in the room' poem Shabs posted previously. My DH really struggled with the day too. Just too painful.

Anyway been for a cuppa and offloaded with a lovely friend this morning.

Everybody will be scared of making you cry - what they dont understand is that you want to cry because they are not talking about 'the elephant in the room.' I remember having to think about every single word that came out of my mouth BEFORE I said it cause I couldn't bear to see my Mum cry anymore about losing our boys. xxxx