Gareth and Matthews thread for bereaved Mummies - the special thread where the light bulb at the end of the tunnel is always lit xx

[shabbapinkfrog]

So pleased that we are all here helping each other walk the 'crappy' path xxxx

Glad you are feeling better this morning x

By the way You was robbed !

I know!!!!

Morning all

How we all doing?

Morning Ilike , thankfully I am better than last week , will make the most of it today as I know it won't last long at the minute .
How are you doing ?

Good to hear you're feeling a bit better today TW.

I'm good thanks. Cole has been on my mind quite a lot recently and I know that's because we're starting to move towards his remember day. Also Mac is doing so many more things (crawling and talking etc) than Cole ever had a chance to do and I think that makes me feel quite wistful.

Just been having a tip out. Found an old bag with some papers in it. They were all just rubbish until I found these thoughts written down. I wrote it about a month after Matt was killed.

Sad days, long sad days.
Never ending, full of tears days
Forced laughter and chatter.
Danny trying so hard to make his Dad laugh.

Dad's 'crazy days' have ended,
Singing Ob la di, ob la da' and acting daft.
Laughter, singing, dancing - all long gone,
Gone along with our Gareth and Matt.

we have walked a long way down the crappy path since I wrote that.

That's lovely Shabs .... in a sad tragic way, but I hope yswim

When things like that pop up they take your breath away don't they?

Hello. I'm not sure I want to do this but you all seem so lovely that I'm tentatively posting after 'lurking' for a while (which seems rude). My little boy died from a head injury 3 years ago. He was 6. I also have a DS who has a severe heart defect & who was never expected to survive, so the loss of his brother was... well...
I have a healthy DS1 (DS2 is healthy too, but still potentially v fragile) & now have a 5 month old DS4 after lots of problems (but that's another story, maybe...)
Sorry. Don't want to be here but think it might be a sensible source of support.

Thank you for being there.

Oh welcome Ziggy - glad you found us. I read your post like this I lost one of my twin boys 27 years ago due to massive heart complications at the age of 7 months and my DS3 was killed by a reversing lorry 17 years ago at the age of almost 8. He suffered massive head injuries.

Please hang around on our special thread...nobody here will judge you or think you are crazy - we are all walking the crappy path together. You will get friendship, love and support here.

So sorry to hear about the loss of your DS - have I read your post right and you have 4 sons? If so, you are the same as me

What was your sons name? Do you want to tell us about him...dont worry if you dont Im just very nosey xxxx

Will be back when I get Tom in bed - please dont think Im being ignorant because it will be about 9.30 before Im back. xxxx

Hi Ziggy and welcome to the place noone wants to be but once we are here we are all glad to have found it .

I am so sorry ot hear about your ds , I would love to hear more about him if and when you are able . I lost my first son at the age of 14mths old , he had an acute asthma attack in his sleep and it didn't wake him up . He was with me at the time .

Hi Ziggy. Welcome to our thread love. None of us want to be here either, but we've all become members of a club we'd rather not be in, and we help each other through the bad and good times.

Don't apologise for lurking, I done the same thing Introducing myself was like admitting I was a bereaved mummy somehow.

It sounds like you've been through a tough time with your boys. Tell us as little or as much about them as you like. Shout, vent, scream, laugh, cry as you see fit.

Hello Ziggy. I am sorry you had to find us but glad you did.

I lost my DD to cancer two and half years ago. She was 14.

I would love to hear about your boy too. We are a nosey lot here arent we

Hi TW glad you are feeling a bit better.

Hi shabs I am glad you are feelinb better too.

I was watching the news today. A mother killed her two beautiful teenage girls. I cried (v.quietly) through the story. What a waste. How could she?

chegirl every time I read one of those stories it makes me so sad . What a complete waste . I am sure there will be some mental health type reason but even still it just confuses the hell out of me .

Thank you for your kind words everyone. Goodness, Shabba, I didn't realise... One of the most difficult things has been the isolation of the last few years. I'm v active with a charity which supports children like DS2 (with the heart condition) so knew all too well how 'separate' many families feel from the norm & I also, unfortunately, know people who have lost a child, but the combination of the 2 has been v difficult to bear. I am so sorry that you have had such a burden to bear, Shabba, but it makes me feel less lonely... Yes, I have 4 boys, & they are wonderful one & all.
As for my lovely lost boy - do you all mind if I wait a little before elaborating?
I know what you mean about news stories, TW, but am I alone in having a similar, but opposite response to positive stories? A young boy was involved in a rockfall today & sounds likes he's going to be ok. It's wonderful & I wouldn't want anything else, but it made me ask 'why?' That sounds so mean - sorry - but this boy survived a serious accident & mine didn't. I accept it most of the time, but things like this bring it all home somehow.

Ziggy , I know what you mean , I work in home care and honestly some of the people I have looked after in the past have been so poorly and ill and come through time and time again . I have got very peed off in the past that some grumpy old git keeps on going when my boy "just" had a cold and that was it .

And of course it is no problem if you want to wait to talk about your son . It is such a hard thing when you first put it all down and see it in black and white .Talk as much or as little as you like .

Ziggy I know what you mean. God forgive me but when I hear about a grown up who has 'beaten' cancer I feel like shouting 'Oh good for you!'

Of course I dont mean it. Cancer is the enemy not any poor git who has managed to get through it.

I still do it though (when I am alone natch).

I am quite nice really - honest.

Thank you, TW. Love to your little boy.

I'm already glad I found this thread, even though it's a really rubbish club to be in.

Off to watch Trevor Eve now. Thank you again, all, for being so welcoming.

x

Tom finally settled

OMG I feel so fidgety and wobbly tonight - I know I took my beta blockers and BP tablets so its not that. Really feel jumpy.

Shabs , you ok ?

Maybe it is just the finding the writing earlier on today . memories of those early days are scary .

I have been known to sit looking at all the beautifully written and well meaning sympathy cards and throwing them round the room and swearing very loudly
Where are most of those people now ?

I will be ok love....hate feeling this way - kind of waiting for something to happen - its just me being menopausal and doolally!! Could be the stuff I found earlier...just feel hyper and odd

You odd never ?

Not a good time of day to feel like it either , not very good for the sleeping is it ?

Big hug to you Shabs (((((((((()))))))))

I am off up the wooden hill

Night night xx

No its not a great time - dont feel ill at all just wobbly

Night TW - sleep tight - thanks for the hugs xxx