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Original poster

I have never made so many people cry ......

231 replies

woollyjo · 30/06/2009 22:11

Niamh Hope Anne was born at 4:12am, 30/06/2009, 8lb 13oz. Full term.

Unfortunately no heartbeat was detected during a fast and furious 4-hour labour and she was delivered with the cord tightly wound round her neck.
Niamh's heart never started.

This is our second daughter following 2 miscarriages earlier this year.

She was perfectly formed and looked just like her sister did as a newborn.

We held her for hours

We are lost in grief but delighted to have Mae (2.5)to keep us going.

OP posts:
changenameruk · 02/08/2009 13:17

a beautiful picture. your story has touched me deeply. xx

cathcat · 03/08/2009 02:32

Still thinking of you and all your family. x

Original poster
woollyjo · 01/07/2013 12:24

I have just read through this thread again as yesterday would have been Niamh's 4th birthday and I am still touched by all the support I found here and later on the bereavement threads.

We do not know why Niamh was stillborn and were counselled against a post mortem as it was unlikely to show anything conclusive. I later learnt that the reason stillbirth rates are still largely the same as they were 20 years ago is, in part, due to lack of post mortems. Another thing to feel guilty about ...

But test on me and the placenta showed no indication of what happened (my op suggested the cord was a factor but I later learnt it wasn't tight enough to have caused a fatality) and I didn't fit into any of the 'at risk' groups.

11 months later I gave birth to a healthy third daughter after an uncomplicated but worrying pregnancy and induced delivery at 36 weeks as a precaution. I am so grateful for the two beautiful girls I have.

I realise this is a self indulgent post, but I just wanted to say that we did come through probably because of the support I got on the boards here as much as anything else.

Thank you

Niamh, always loved, forever missed, never forgotten.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 01/07/2013 12:41

It's not self indulgent at all. It's lovely of you to come back and update us. Smile

LilacBreastedRoller · 01/07/2013 12:43

Woollyjo, I'm so sorry you didn't get to spend longer with Niamh. I lost my son in very similar circumstances just over a year ago, and am now anxiously awaiting his brother. We will likewise never know what happened. We did have a post mortem, but it brought months of pain with extended testing and mistakes (despite being done by an excellent team) and we still got no answers in the end after immense pain. So please don't feel guilty about that at all, you did what was right for you and your daughter at the time. It's so difficult not to keep turning over possible causes for regret, but I think we just have to struggle to find peace with the fact that we can only ever act on the knowledge and feelings we have in the moment.

I will be thinking of Niamh and all of you on her birthday Flowers.

YoniMatopoeia · 01/07/2013 12:46

Congratulations on your DD3.

I remember this thread. Don't feel guilty about the PM. You weren't to know.

And it is always nice to have an update.

motherinferior · 01/07/2013 12:49

Thank you for the update. I am so pleased that you have your DD3, while I realise that in no way makes up for the loss of your other daughter.

Northernlurker · 01/07/2013 12:56

I remember your Niamh. Thank you for updating.

ScooseIsLoose · 01/07/2013 13:10

I am so sorry for your loss Thanks

buzzgirly · 01/07/2013 16:26

I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you x

tungthai · 01/07/2013 16:38

I'm so sorry.

Borntobeamum · 01/07/2013 20:42

Thank you for the update.
I'm sure Niamh is looking over you and her 2 sisters
Much l

Borntobeamum · 01/07/2013 20:42

Much l

Borntobeamum · 01/07/2013 20:42

Darn it!
Much love to you all x x

whiteandyellowiris · 01/07/2013 20:50

I'm so sorry for your loss, thanks for the update, I'm kinda where you have been
I lost my ds shortly after he was born
And I am now pg with his brother
I do have a dd who is six
So your update really gives me hope, we will have better days to come

Can I ask have you found it easier to cope as time has gone on ?

whiteandyellowiris · 01/07/2013 20:52

You know what struck me about this thread, is the way you worded the title

That YOU have never made so many people cry, I felt Like that too, like I. Had let everyone down

LunaticFringe · 01/07/2013 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Awks · 01/07/2013 21:02

I am so sorry. What a sockk for you all. Much love to you xxxx

smellsofsick · 01/07/2013 21:09

Wow Woolly. What a lovely update. Much love to your family. We're thinking of you, Mae, DC3 and little Niamh.

Original poster
woollyjo · 02/07/2013 13:32

LilacBreastedRoller & whiteandyellowiris so sorry to hear that you have been through this too. We will never 'get over' or 'move on' (why would I want to move on from my child?) but you will get used to it. Someone described the grief as a ball, it doesn't get smaller or go away but we grow round it to the point that it doesn't take up your every waking thought.

Congratulations on your pregnancies, we wept tears of relief when DD3 arrived healthy, all the tests and scans gave no reassurance at all, we were waiting for the moment we could hold her in our arms and KNOW she was OK.

Be prepared that your newborns/hormones may bring back unexpected memories, I definately had flashbacks to the days after Niamh's birth in the weeks after DD3 was born. It was a little like dealing with it all afresh again but as DD3 grew we moved away from that.

It also helped that DD3 was distinctly different from Niamh in appearence.

A friend (who had lost her baby at 6 months) sent me a book written by a bereavement mid-wife which had useful bits in it, I'll fish it out when I get home and post the title.

Above all else talking about it helps, it reinforces her existance as so few people met her and also helps our DD1 (then 2.5 now 6.5) understand that I will always be sad about Niamh but I can still be happy about other things.

You are both braver and stronger than you realise xx

OP posts:
Original poster
woollyjo · 02/07/2013 13:37

Hello to Lunatic & Nothern hello again good to 'hear' from you both, I hope all is well, I'm a perenial lurker these days, shifting silently in and out of threads!

OP posts:
Babyh200 · 02/07/2013 21:31

Woolly,

I'm so sorry to read about Niamh. Your words about the ball of grief are so true. My beautiful chubby boy was 8lb 11oz when he was stillborn last July and we would have been celebrating his 1st birthday on Thursday. I found out I was expecting again at the beginning of March (due in October) and although it's a complete rollercoaster I remind myself every day how incredibly lucky I am to have another chance. In the months approaching Christmas it was hell on earth and my heart goes out to all those still waiting.

Thank you for the insight into what the future might hold emotionally if this little one makes it......every day is a struggle and at the moment October seems like years away. I try not to dwell on the unfairness of it all but sometimes you cant help it! I also need to remind myself not to resent people who don't remember it's his 1st birthday this week.

Thinking of Niamh on her 4th birthday xxxxx

Lilac and White....thinking of both your boys too xxxx

Sonnet · 02/07/2013 21:39

Thank you for an update! Niamh is always with you x

whiteandyellowiris · 02/07/2013 21:45

woollyjo, thanks for your reply

I just ave to take each day as it comes, I agree I wont relax until ds2 is here, even then I might not relax properly
for a while

but your story does give me hope, so thanks for posting

thanks babyh too x

evelynj · 02/07/2013 21:53

My heart goes out to all you ladies who have lost a child, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing & keep talking about your children x

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