Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

[Deemented]

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

Good morning girls. xx

Good morning everyone .

A candle will be lit here in Sussex for your dd today marmite x I hope you manage to get through today ok x

Morning all, Incense will be lit here......................

Thinking of you today Marmite - lighting our candle in Bolton xxxx

Thinking of you, xxxx

lit a candle for you marmite. x

hi everyone!!

I'm new to this been given this link by a few people. I lost my 13 year old son 2 year 3mths ago, am feeling very low at the moment. fed up putting this face on for my nearest and dearest. Gareth died in a rta, on 3 feb 2007 that day changed my families lifes for every. nothing seems complete anymore.

hi helpme..sorry you have had to join us but welcome.
so sorry to hear about your son. god i still feel low after 4 years, so no wonder you are having a rough time!
my daughter died at 13 days old, 16th march 2005 ,a cotdeath.
we are all bereaved parents on here, all with our own story, but one thing we all have in common is the loss of a child, and as i am sure you know, only we know how we feel.
do you have any more children?
this thread is abit quiet today, normally shabster keeps us all in check

'right girls'

Welcome helpme - im glad you came to join us but so sorry we had to meet this way.

One of my sons who died when he was a baby is called Gareth and my heart jumps every time I read the name. Im so sorry you are feeling low but it is really early days yet. I lost my Gareth 27 years ago and my Matt 17 years ago and I still have many days when I would like to shut the world out.

Stick around here my lovely - we all help each other - we sometimes cry, sometimes LOL, often me and that cheeky Lottie get pissed drunk and come on here declaring our love for everybody

Nobody will ever judge you here - nobody will do anything but support you and offer a shoulder to cry on xxxxx

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It sounds like your DD had a fitting and loving farewell. Night Garden on her way out is just truly beautiful....my little grandson has been dancing along with Upsy Daisy this morning. Oh sweetheart my heart aches for you. I will keep my scented candles burning all day for your DD and for all our children. xxxx

Welcome helpme, nice to meet you but sorry we have to.

I have lit a candle in sheffield Marmite, glad it wasn't as bad as you thought. Often the anticipation of something is worse than the day itself. The songs sound lovely. You could ask if you want someone to collect the cards for you so you can read them later if you would like.

Do you have a memory box for your daughters precious things. The hospital my son died in gave us one. I keep his little bits and pieces in it and occasionally go back and look through it. Initially all I did was weep and look bleary eyed at the contents when I saw his little tiny clothes, footprint etc now I can look at his picture and stroke his face with a smile on my face and a tear in my eye.

It really is early days and is not something you should be over. One thing I learnt early on though is I and my DH grieve differently, completely differently. He is a life goes on sort of a person I am a my world has stopped spinning how dare people carry on, do they not know my son has died. Give each other time and space to get your head round this.

life here is mad at the mo.. nothing special just dont have much free time

Marmite.. I still havent read your post in full but I know how hard today is for you
I have lit a candle for your dd...

Helpme I posted on your earlier thread.. I am glad you wanderded accross to join us

hope everyone is ok

Hello everyone and welcome Marmite and Chris74. I haven't been here too long myself but everyone is so kind and supportive.

Marmite, I read your DD's story - thank you for letting us know her a little, and I'm glad today went as well as it could for you x

Good morning girls xx

Good morning everyone x

The sun is shining today so fingers crossed for a good one.

its not raining here yetxx

Its peeing down here has done for the past week....miserable morning!

weather forecast is good here for the weekend
just gonna dust down the bbq and put the gazebo up, get out the fake tan bottle
got some seedlings i planted to take up to erins grave, got a little yellow wheelbarrow there which i plant out every season for her. hope she loikes it, daft i know

hope you are all ok! better day today marmite?

its not daft gardening.. my dad always plants up a barrow in his garden wih blue beding plants and gives me a tub

marmite how are you holding up today .. I remember there was soo much to do before Frasers funeral we didnt know what to do with ourselves the day after ..you will be feeling so alone today..but we are here if you feel like a gab

TW have you caught ratty yet?

hope everyone is ok today

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Oh Marmite - wish I could show you how older grief is normally more gentle, although it does still bite my bum now and then. We all think we havent done enough - I have convinced myself that I reversed the lorry over Matt and it was totally my fault that Gareth was born with loads of heart problems. I just found this poem and wondered if it would help?

PLAYCLOTHES

You lie here so still, my little son,
With long dark curls and your playclothes on.
How I wish I could watch you run,
Your soft hair shinning in the sun.

How many times I prayed you'd sleep
For one more hour in my busy week.
So I could wash or clean or bake
A pie, some cookies or a cake.

How many times did I get upset
When you spilled your milk upon the step,
Or scattered your crumbs on my clean floor,
Or left those smudges on the door.

If only you'd wake in my bad dream
And scatter your toys over everything
If only I could see you smile
And hold you close for a little while.

Oh God, please forgive all those bad days I had
When I got so upset with this sweet little lad
Take care of his love while we are apart
And leave his footprints in my heart.

With his curls and smiles, his laughter and fun
Who lies here so still with his playclothes on

xxx

blimey marmite, i feel really sorry for you.
why dont you take DP out for a meal,tell him how you feel, or could you go away for a weekend. we went to spain the day after the funeral, it was great to just be around people who didnt know our circumstances. you really need each other, i wish i could come over and give you a big hug.

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