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Bereavement

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Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

984 replies

Deemented · 03/05/2009 16:54

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

OP posts:
marmitemonster · 18/05/2009 14:15

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travellingwilbury · 18/05/2009 14:21

Hi marmite monster
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter . My son was 14 mths old so about the same age . I would love to hear about her , if you feel up to it .

I know the feeling of hiding under a duvet for ever very well .

You have come to the right place xx

marmitemonster · 18/05/2009 15:14

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marmitemonster · 18/05/2009 15:17

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maggie61 · 18/05/2009 15:27

Sending lots of hugs, so so sorry to hear what you have been through, life is so s... at times.

maggie61 · 18/05/2009 15:49

Sorry had to go to pick up from school,don,t know if you are still around and wanted you to not feel ignored as it must of taken alot of courage to post your story , i hope it has helped you.
My ds died what will be 8 years ago this july, I never would of believed I could move on as I have, but sadly life does go on.
Please be gentle to yourself ,keep posting if you can, one step at a time, xxxx

travellingwilbury · 18/05/2009 15:55

mm , that is heartbreaking , she sounds like a lovely wee girl . I love the picture of her playing peepo with you to cheer you up .

I am sorry you feel like your dh is being useless , I know that me and my dh both grieved in different ways and especially early on we had very different ways of coping . (mine was vodka)
. Do you have anybody who could tell your friends what has happened ? I know I could never say the words out loud to anyone and even now , over 7yrs later , I still struggle to actually voice what has happened . Much easier here . I don't have to see the look on peoples faces .

Have you looked at The Compassionate Friends website ? I found them very good and they have a protected forum just for bereaved parents , so you may feel easier talking about your little girl .

Please feel free to keep talking here , I know it has helped me a lot to have somewhere I can come and talk .

Thank you for telling us about your gorgeous girl .

marmitemonster · 18/05/2009 16:28

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travellingwilbury · 18/05/2009 17:43

mm Your dh sounds awful , sorry but why would he say something like that ? How are your family being towards you ? I really hope you are getting some rl support .

shabster · 18/05/2009 18:39

Glad you came Marmite, but sorry we had to meet this way.

Im so very sorry for your loss - my DH had lots of similar 'gems of wisdom' when we lost our sons. It has been 27 years since my twin baby boy died (aged 7 months from congenital heart defects) and 17 years since my third son was killed (knocked down by a lorry at the age of 7 years) and just this last week my husband apologised for his anger and terrifying temper when the boys died. He said he just couldnt cope with it and that he was jealous that I could....I couldnt, by the way, Im just good at putting a face on.

Hang around on this thread it is a very special place...we dont judge each other, we smile, we LOL, we cry, we get very mad, etc etc etc - we all help each other xx

chegirl · 18/05/2009 21:51

Hello Marmite.

I am so sorry about your little girl. Its all so new and raw, I am so, so sorry for you.

I have flashbacks about my daughter's illness too. The do lessen over time but I remember how awful they were in those first months.

I hope you find some comfort here.

shabster · 19/05/2009 06:14

Good morning girls xx

travellingwilbury · 19/05/2009 07:42

Good morning everyone x

marmitemonster · 19/05/2009 11:20

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shabster · 19/05/2009 11:39

Marmite - I can remember the days I lost my Gareth and Matt as if it just happened and it has been many, many years since.

The only way I have got through the last few years is telling my story over and over again - somehow trying to make sense of it.

Stay around our thread - we all help each other. One for all and all for one xx

hazygirl · 19/05/2009 13:20

afternoon girls and welcome marmite monster people dont relise how bloody hard it is ,the girls on here are wonderful ,and got me through the shit times,they always cheer you upx

lottiejenkins · 19/05/2009 13:34

Afternoon all. Couldnt get on here this morning!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............................Welcome MM and Maggie............. I know you will find the hope and support you are looking for on here!

travellingwilbury · 19/05/2009 14:18

hello everyone

I am freaking out slightly as I have just seen a bloody great RAT run across my kitchen

Have done a thread in chat about it too

I need a grown up to come and fix it

marmitemonster · 19/05/2009 14:46

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travellingwilbury · 19/05/2009 20:08

No def not a mouse , far too big and taily looking . What I saw of it anyway .

Bleurgh !!!!

lottiejenkins · 19/05/2009 20:13

Evening all, without going into details ( a few of you know) I have made a total arse of myself and feel like shit tonight.......................... Think its my time of the month coming up too which doesnt help! I dont think a lot of myself at the mo!

shabster · 19/05/2009 20:41

Lottie - Im sure its not as bad as you think....you have my email address if you want to gab. Not going on the messanger thingymebob on FB - my friend is making friends with the 'evil' exboyfriend and my head will blow up if she asks my opinion. xxxx

travellingwilbury · 19/05/2009 20:50

Lottie , I really hope oyu feel better tomorrow xx

At least you haven't got a big hairy rat in your kitchen

frasersmummy · 19/05/2009 21:54

hi all

I am really busy with work at the mo inc working from home... still at least I have a week off now

will catch up properly in the next few days but hope you are all ok.

marmite welcome aboard .. will read your detailed post and come back to you

Lottie .. are you ok??

Sleep well TW...

lottiejenkins · 20/05/2009 03:30

Well here i am wide awake at nearly 3.30 in the morning! the phone rang at 2.05am and i nearly had a heart attack! It was a rather wayward friend wanting to call by and borrow a bottle of wine as he couldnt sleep, if it had been ANYONE else i would have gone ballistic, i am now talking to him on msn and he is apologising as i cant go back to sleep. I drunk far too much again last night and am going to feel like death when i wake up again later!