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Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

984 replies

Deemented · 03/05/2009 16:54

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

OP posts:
woollyjo · 29/07/2009 15:46

Hi,

It went ok, the really hard bit (which I wasn't expecting) was getting from the van to the office, took me about 15 mins to pull myself together to do the 10yd walk I last did heavily pregnant.

It is a rainy day so everyone was in (I work in forestry)but all was fine once the initial 5mins was over.

Got the second office to do now, maybe next week.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 29/07/2009 16:15

Hi WJO Glad to hear it went ok love. I have often found the hardest times are in situations that I hadn't even give a second thought to. The one's that I build up into a huge thing, often aren't. It seems to come and bite you on the bum when you least expect it.

I think you eventually find stratagies to cope with it, as it does get easier.

Olissa · 29/07/2009 16:26

Hello all, glad to hear you got on OK at work woolyjo, I went back two months after Caitlin died and it was much better than I expected although no-one really mentioned her, so I started lots of conversations... once people realised it was OK to mention her, things got better. Thinking of you.

Thanks ILTMI (I never know how to abbreviate you!) Have been over to C's grave in the pouring rain, was the only person in the (huge) cemetery, think the warden thought I was mad, but you only get one first birthday. (DS: 'It's Caitie's birthday! It's weeeeely important!')

Will be thinking of you and Cole tomorrow, and I think it's really lovely you got married on his birthday.

Hope everyone else is OK x

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 29/07/2009 17:31

Call me whatever you fancy

You ds sounds lovely. I'll be raising a glass to Caitlin tonight and wishing her Happy Birthday.

It seemed very right to get married on Cole's birthday. We have to remember that for all of us it was a good day. It was the day we met each other for the first time, and we wanted to add to those good memories, so got married on that day too. I still have a wobble and wonder if we done the right thing to get married on his birthday, but ultimately I know it was a good idea.

DH and I are going out tonight for the first time together ALONE since M was born

lottiejenkins · 29/07/2009 18:36

I hope you have a lovely time tonight ILTMIMI
I will be thinking of you tomorrow! The house seems very quiet without Wilf i havent heard of any fires, riots or worse in Thetford Forest so am assuming all is well!!

frasersmummy · 29/07/2009 19:46

happy birthday Caitlin

Ilike.. I hope you have a nice time tonight and hope tomorrow passes peacefully for you all.

shabster · 29/07/2009 21:54

Hiya girls - we are home

lottiejenkins · 29/07/2009 22:40

Welcome home Shabs xx

frasersmummy · 30/07/2009 08:05

looks like you brought the sunshine home Shabster

happy birthday cole and happy anniversary mr&mrs Ilike

shabster · 30/07/2009 08:12

hope so FMammy - cause Im freeeeeeeeeeeeezing!!!

Happy birthday Cole - and happy wedding anniversary to Mummy and Daddy.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 30/07/2009 09:07

Thanks ladies

We're off to go and say hello to Cole soon, then we're heading off to Cambridge for a day out all together.

shabster · 30/07/2009 11:03

Awwww moveit - I hope you have a wonderful day xxxxxxxxx

lottiejenkins · 30/07/2009 14:40

Happy Birthday Cole xxx

travellingwilbury · 30/07/2009 15:05

Happy Birthday Cole x

We are back from Sunny France , had a great time but it's nice to be home .

I hope everyone is doing ok x

lottiejenkins · 30/07/2009 20:02

My last evening before Wilf returns from the forest!! Im off out for a drink with my friend Tony which will be nice!

lottiejenkins · 30/07/2009 23:59

Now home, had an amazing time! Very tired now!
nite xxx

travellingwilbury · 31/07/2009 07:50

Good morning everyone

Glad you had a good time last night Lottie .

It is very quiet here at the min .

Come out come out wherever you are xx

lottiejenkins · 31/07/2009 08:07

Morning all, I am now suffering bigtime from last night! My tummy is very queasy and my headaches! Good job i dont see that friend very often methinks!

shabster · 31/07/2009 12:31

Morning girls xxx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 31/07/2009 13:35

I'm here

Thanks for yesterday ladies.

M is off to spend the afternoon with his Granny soon, so I'm going to tackle our bedroom and I'm going to be ruthless and chuck out the clothes I no longer wear............ I could be some time!!

lottiejenkins · 31/07/2009 18:47

Im feeling better now! Things got worse before they got better, when i went to the shop the lorry driver delivering decided to drop his tail gate very loudly on the road! I thought my head was going to explode!! I have Wilf home now with bags and bags of dirty washing and a suspected ingrown big toe!! I have dosed him up with torpedo paracetemols (he can't swallow the round ones) He has had Lucy round for tea and he's having second bath after me!!

shabster · 01/08/2009 09:19

Good morning girls xx

frasersmummy · 01/08/2009 12:08

Good morning ..

oh my goodness its August ...another month gone past without my darling boy

sorry but I have been missing him terribly these last few weeks, I dont know why now more than any other time

I always feel like there is a member of my family missing but these last few weeks its like i get to work and think I'm missing something .. and then it hits me

Its been 5 and half years.. isnt it supposed to be easier by now ??? I feel such an idiot for still feeling like this.f

I was providing IT Support to someone in my work yesterday and I could hear her little one in the background so we got to talking about families. She asked how many I had and because I didnt know her from Adam I said just the one. She asked if I would have anymore and therefore I told her about Fraser

Then she tells me about her dd stillborn at 34 weeks in 2007. We both ended up in tears.. at least she was at home dialling in .. I was in the middle of a call centre`

anyway enough of my rabbiting .. hope you are all having a good weekend

shabster · 01/08/2009 12:53

Awww FMammy - older grief does bite you hard on the bum when you least expect it. I have had a few days like that over the last little while. Just that utter longing to hold my boys - to have a peep at what they look like, would they be with a partner, would they have children.

It is a complete and utter yearning that grabs your heart and mind and wont let go.

Take care sweetheart - be kind to yourself. xxxxxxx

travellingwilbury · 01/08/2009 14:47

FMammy , I too really struggled at bout the same time as you . That was when I searched out TCF and started talking to other bereaved parents .

It really does just smack you in the mouth sometimes .

Take care xxx

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