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Bereavement

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Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

984 replies

Deemented · 03/05/2009 16:54

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

OP posts:
travellingwilbury · 23/07/2009 06:50

Thanks crumpette , I think it could be a job that I would enjoy (enjoy is probably a weird word for it) And it wouldn't scare me , after everything we have all been through , nothing scares me now .

I know what you mean about thinking that you are the only one who remembers . Nice quote , who on earth said that to you ? People can be complete numptys sometimes .

I am off to France today for a week , wish me luck for the journey . Should take about 10 hours all in .

Are we there yet ? Oh Joy x

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 23/07/2009 08:20

lol @ are we there yet?!

I hope all goes well on Monday.

I can't believe people have said that to you. I hope they are no longer friends.

frasersmummy · 23/07/2009 08:45

sorry for not being around the last few days ...Ross has sooo much energy. He gets up before 7am .. is on the go all day and doesnt sleep till 9pm .. no matter how early we put him to bed.. its exhausting

tw I dont know if I have missed you ..but have a lovely holiday .. good luck with that journey. 4 hours was bad enough. I have no idea what palliative careis.. off to google it

I am sorry about your grandmother crumpette. It will be bringing back all your sad thoughts and memories of L. People just seem to think life moves on dont they . They dont realise losing a child is a hurt that never goes away and the hurt comes and goes in waves

I cant believe we have all been here supporting each other for over a year now . I remember you being in Greece for Gareths remember day last year shabster.

Another year without my ds fraser (sigh)

I hope fmn is ok .. if anyone talks to her on facebook can you let her know i was asking for her. She started this year of support and I think of her often

right enough of my rabbiting

woollyjo · 23/07/2009 18:37

We had the burial for our precious Niamh today .....

I can't even put into words what it was like, it feels like the tears will never end

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 23/07/2009 19:18

Oh Woollyjo. Even though I've been through it, I'm lost for words.

I remember lots of conflicting emotions were running through my head. Glad it was over, but torn apart that it even had to happen.

The funeral is a huge hurdle to jump. It doesn't all of a sudden get better. But it was something I had faced and survived.

So much love to you all and rip darling Niamh.

shabster · 23/07/2009 20:15

I can only echo Moveits words - thinking of you my darling......we will all help you as much as we can - xxxxx

frasersmummy · 23/07/2009 21:25

Oh woolyjo.. my heart goes out to you, you cry as much as you want, you have just endured one of the worst days of your life

Tomorrow you will wake up and think what now??? Thats when the journey really begins. Its a long hard road but those of us who are a bit further along it will help you start step by step

Life will never be the same again Woolyjo.. but keep coming back and sharing your feelings we have all been there. Life will never be the same again but you will find one day you will smile again..

fm passes woolyjo a box of tissue, a bar of choc and a bottle of wine

frasersmummy · 23/07/2009 21:27

shabster... you sound far too sober

and I am sure I have said this before but please make sure that light at the end of the tunnel is not a train heading right for us

shabster · 24/07/2009 10:48

Nay worries FMammy - I checked for trains and there aren't any - and I have put a 200 watt bulb in

lottiejenkins · 24/07/2009 18:02

Hi all xx

hazygirl · 24/07/2009 18:43

oh wooly im so sorry, your lovely little girl will be with all our angels,i just wish we could make it easier,bear with us darling xxwish i knew what to say but my heart aches for you,on lifes shitty path

Olissa · 24/07/2009 20:21

Rest in peace darling Niamh, sending love to you and yours Woolyjo at the end of the hardest day.
Shabs, that 200w bulb sounds like a very good idea.
Am late to this TW but your job plans sound great, I also think you will be fab at this.

chegirl · 24/07/2009 21:15

Dear WoollyJo, I am so sorry you have had to join us. I am sorry that you had to say goodbye to your dear little girl. Its something that we have all had to do and its just so bloody unfair. There arent really the words to say what I want to say to you. Sending strength to you.

Hi all.

Shabs I think I have missed some important dates? I am sorry, sending some hugs (shhh dont tell) your way.

DS school called me this week 'Oh hello Mrs Chegirl, I am phoning because I believe you wanted to know what was going in the paper regarding the talent show'.

Me 'I dont care what goes in BUT I DONT want you to mention my daughter's name and DONT tell them it was in her memory because it wasnt was it?'

'Oh ok '

You know what? I hate being or even sounding rude. Its not me and it upsets me. That is one of the reasons I get so het up when people do things that force me to confront them.

Thinking bout you all and your lovely kids in this [sometimes] crappy world x

shabster · 25/07/2009 12:35

Kale Spera girls - che - well done you!!! You are right to say what you did.

OMG it is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo hot xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 25/07/2009 19:49

I ahve had to come here because I am fuming about a thread on here, and if I don't vent on here I think I might explode.

A lady and her husband took a few lines of cocaine at home whilst their 9wo was in the house. Tbh I don't even know what a few lines of cocaine represents, but how could they be so bloody irresponsible and stupid? A 9wo baby is about as vunerable as you can get.

The thought going through my head is 'we've lost our darling darling children, yet there are complete fucking imbecile's out there behaving like that with their most precious possession in the house.'

I know that by implication it seems I believe they don't deserve their baby, and that's not really what I mean. But by god it feels bloody unfair

Rant over.

I'll get over it, but it's really upset me.

chegirl · 25/07/2009 20:18

I understand your fury ILTMI and you have come to the right place. I hope venting has helped a bit.

Outsiders will never understand. Good for them eh?
X

frasersmummy · 25/07/2009 21:22

I posted on here this morning (well I thought I did) to say you were soo right chegirl but at least the school called and asked you .. imagine if you had seen it print without warning (guess I ddint click post)

Ilike its just mind boggling that some people are so cavalier in their attitude to their kids snt it.
Its not that they dont deserve them, its just so unfair that some of us do everything right and our children are taken from us while others do mad stuff like this and nothing bad happens to them

Its like people who smoke during pregnancy and have a healthy baby

It makes you angry and sad all at once doesnt it

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 27/07/2009 10:03

Morning ladies. Don't worry, I have calmed down now

Where's Lottie? I haven't seen her for a while.

It is pissing it down here and all I can think of is Shabs laying in the sun next to a pool with a cocktail in her hand

shabster · 27/07/2009 12:18

Kale Spera my friends.....yesterday it was as hot as the devils kitchen here The temperature got to about 130 degrees - every English person here is exhausted just from the effort of breathing yesterday

Slightly better today - by about 5 degrees!!! Well - Wednesday is looming on the horizon back to reality I suppose and another year of saving....have missed my family but the Greek people we know out here are like family to us xxxxx

hazygirl · 28/07/2009 06:06

hi girls,good to hear the weather good where you are shabster cant say same for yorkshire

lottiejenkins · 28/07/2009 08:19

Hi all. I am here but its the hols and Wilf is on the puter all the time. He is away on Summer Camp this week so i'm having some me time!!!

woollyjo · 29/07/2009 08:41

Hi All,

Going into work today for the first time since I had Niamh, (4 weeks ago now, feels like a lifetime)just to meet up with colleagues and have a cuppa. Not planning to go back properly until early September.

Hope I can cope

lottiejenkins · 29/07/2009 08:58

Sending you love WJ...........I'm thinking of you xx

frasersmummy · 29/07/2009 09:00

morning all

woolyjo I did that about a month after Fraser as well..

I found I was quite strong ...but a lot of my colleagues werent.. there were a lot of hugs and tears.

Dont worry about not being strong.. even if you break down in tears you will just be handed a tissue and a cup of tea

i will be thinking of you

I have my 10 year old nephew with me today .. anytime now so that will keep me busy

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 29/07/2009 09:06

Hi WoolyJo. I hope today goes ok. It's not going to be easy, but again it's another thing faced and another hurdle jumped.

Happy Birthday to Olissa's dd Caitlin today. Much love and thinking of you all Olissa.

It will be Cole's 3rd birthday tomorrow. We're going to visit his grave and say hello, then spend the day together as it's also our 1st wedding anniv.

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