Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

[Deemented]

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

OH lottie.. when something like this happens it just takes you right back doesnt it?? you cry as much as you want....

I dont have any words of wisdom....especially seeing as I havent had the terrible experience of losing my dh

but I am here to listen...

you are a strong lady with such a lot of compassion and I am sure over the next few days you will find yourself helping your poor neighbour .. and in some ways this will help you cope

Thanks FM, what made me so so mad were the same fucking vultures hanging around the house and gawping. The self same people who did that when my DH died. They were leaning on the fence opposite and watching the house!! Why the hell do people want to be like that?? If i didnt know it would cause more bother id tell them to fuck right off!!

Morning all xx

Morning girls - Morning Lottie - OMG it has stopped raining here!!!

Morning all.

So sorry to hear about your friends husband. What a terrible thing to happen.

Whenever something goes on there are always rubber neckers. I really wish people would think before they do it.

morning..supposed to be glorious here... huh!!!.. looks more like rain

I cant understand why people would stand outside a house where someone had died.. what are they hoping to see?????????

hope you are a little brighter this morning lottie

how's everyone else???

Thanks girls, they werent exactly opposite but they were where they could get a good view, i said to my mum on the phone this morning, they reminded me of the woman who used to knit underneath the guilliotine!!!

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's DH Lottie - and I really can't believe about the people staring at the house, like FM says, what the hell are they expecting to see?

We have glorious sunshine here - I am too fat for summer

Hello all- lottie that's just crazy why and how could those people stare at the house?? Really weird. I guess if they have never been in a similar situation and have the IQ of a gnat, it may be deemed normal to them. They are the freaks and it's not fair at all on your neighbour go throw things at them!!
I was in a large traffic jam on a motorway this weekend- the cause? a nasty RTA on the opposite side of the road and a load of sickos slowing down to get a good look at the scene before driving on.

Hope everyone's ok? Olissa I am too fat for summer!! I am also too pale, having spent the past 6 months in hospital with DD and then hiding at home and then hiding at work- no exposure to daylight whatsoever! I am usually quite dark/olivey so I feel even stranger.

Roll on winter please!!!! No exposed limbs

Argh so DP is being a pr*t about new pg, he is taking benzodiazepines and alcohol and getting aggressive and mad every evening. Not the best relationship at present.

Today I had an appointment at the hospital where DD died and was treated, with a consultant from her team (my favourite one thankfully, he's just like 'House') It has made me feel better, I had 4 pages of questions that they were a bit shocked to see but going through them (took 3 hours) has helped me to stop blaming myself about everything.

Until tomorrow! The only thing that bugged me a little is that I asked why they did a particular op when her blood clotting was way out, and they could tell without this procedure that she needed a new transplant- I signed the consent believing this level to be 2, when I then heard it was 6 and she was whisked away. Just to put this into context, a little boy couldn't have it done because his was 1.4 (it should be 1).

Anyway the answer was- 'well, it's not normal practice but we all decided and then you signed the consent form so you are 50% responsible too' what?? I had a particular grievance with this procedure because she had a huge bleed afterwards and 2 cardiac arrests causing brain damage. And they found nothing that they wouldn't have found in her blood results and didn't know already.

Sorry I'm ranting!! Other than that, on the whole, it was very helpful and I am glad that they offer parents appointments afterwards.

Im speaking to my friends daughter on FB at the moment. Trying to support her and help her............. Very hard thing to do but i am trying my best!

Sadly thats all you can do Lottie - just always be there - a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. It will be hard for you as well - it dredges up old emotions and deep sadness.....well done you for helping xxxx

Good morning folks.

Thank you all so much for keeping Ciaran's thread going for me.... i've not been in much of a place where i've been able to of late. But things finally seem to be settling down here, thank goodness. I have decided to keep the baby, and the baby's father has said that he will support me in any decision i make. He wants to be actively involved and he knows that i come as a package and seems to accept that. It's early days yet, but the signs are good. He makes me laugh and smile, and it feels like i've not done that for so so long.

I'm going to try and catch up with the thread now, but just wanted to let you know i've been thinking of you all xxx

Good morning girls xx

Awwww Dee you have made my heart sing this morning. awwwww another baby on our thread. xxxxx

Morning all, I have said I will call over later this afternoon and offer to walk the dog for them. Thats about the only thing i can do for them. J said that they have had so many friends there. I did suggest Winstons Wish to her.

They will need you so much in the future Lottie. You know yourself, that after the funeral people carry on with their lives and the World has the audacity to keep on turning. Dog walking is a fantastic idea - they wont be even thinking about having to do that - practical help is soooooo fantastic - well done you xxxx

Ive just had a lovely surprise girls! There is a ball at the school where i work and i couldnt afford to go because of the damage to the house when the flood occured, My mum paid for so much for me that i felt that if i went it would be a slap in the face for her. I would have had to lay out nearly £60 for ticket, wilfsitter, drinks and raffle tickets etc. Anyway one of my loveliest male friends texted me this morning telling me if i wanted to go he would pay for the ticket and sitter for me! I was so overcome i rang him up and said that i didnt believe that Fairy Godfathers existed for Cinderellas like me! He has asked me to not say too much to other people about it, but just to say that someone has paid! Ive been in a complete tizz ever since. I have the dress i wore several years ago, shoes and jewellery and Antonia is going to do my hair for me!

On a more sombre note im now going round to see my friend who's husband has died. Im not looking forward to it.

aw lottie thats lovely.
dee so glad for baby news ,im sure were all thrilled .
sorry ive not been about much ,dd2 left home as you know and its pretty lonely here atm ,its not easy to adjust to been just two of us,its so great when the grandkids come but then they go home ,but ill give myself kick up arse

Lottie that's fab about the ball, you so deserve that I hope you have a fantastic time, and that your friend and her daughter are doing OK. It sounds like they are being well looked after by you and other friends.

Dee so happy for you that everything is coming together, lots of babies in the New Year for us.

I got my appointment for my dating scan but it's not until July 20... they offered me one next week but DH can't come because he's at a conference.

Crumpette, glad your hospital follow-up was useful. We found ours useful when Caitie died, even though they couldn't really tell us much. It was nice to see her consultant again TBH, they all tried so hard for her. Liking the idea of having a doctor like House too! I reckon you should maybe send your DP to work for you though, sounds like he might fit in better with your awful colleagues.

Shabs, how's Tom doing?

Thanks ladies, im glad you are as happy as i am! My dress is going to cause a sensation on Sat Cornflower blue, spaghetti straps and slit up to the thigh!! I went and saw my friend this afternoon,,,,,,,,,,, i have offered to walk the dog from tomorrow for her. While i was there a HUGE arrangement of flowers arrived for her from her bosses at work! I really felt the sadness, especially seeing his shirt in the ironing pile and his Harley Davidson mug on the sideboard etc

Good morning girls xx

Morning Shabs.

Strange morning, eh? Feels weird.

Yes, I know what you mean! Already tired of the media hype about Michael Jackson - dont want to sound mean but, as sad as it is, he had 50 years of life - my boys didnt have 10 years between them.

I fully expect to be hit by a bolt of lightning sometime today for that last paragraph!!

No, i totally understand Shabs. I can't say i ever really liked the bloke, but his poor poor kids, and his brother Jermaine who i saw on the news just looked... broken. So sad.

I thought he was wonderful when he was lead singer with Jackson 5 - but since the court case involving the children - put me off him for life. He was barking mad - a good lesson for kids who want to be 'famous' when they finish school.

Just watching his brother now - you are right he looks devastated.

Im fed up with hearing about it already!!!