Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

984 replies

Deemented · 03/05/2009 16:54

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

OP posts:
frasersmummy · 26/06/2009 13:23

I suspect like the rest of you on this thread I do feel really sorry for the family left behind..

we all know what its like to lose a loved one.. and no matter what the outside world thought of him he was a son, a brother, an uncle and a daddy

But there is a really selfish part of me that wants to scream what about my son??

what about the fact that 17 kids have died in the last 24 hours and this is one man who wasnt exactly perfect - whats all the fuss about

grump grump grump

lottiejenkins · 26/06/2009 13:33

On one of the threads someone said his children were better off without him! I said try explaining that to my son!

lottiejenkins · 26/06/2009 16:29

I went to see my friend just now to see if she wanted us to walk the dog tonight. She has said yes, apparently her dh had a massive heart attack and was dead before he hit the floor! I talked to her about telling Wilf and said that he might be a little emotional when we go over later. We have decided that I will tell Wilf that Jo and Julie especially asked for Wilf to take Maddie out!

shabster · 27/06/2009 01:09

that sounds like a good idea Lottie xxx

shabster · 27/06/2009 09:32

Good morning girls xx

frasersmummy · 27/06/2009 10:26

morning

I can see huge plumes of smoke and a police helicopter from my window

something big is on fire. I think its probably the local scrap yard.. seems to happen every school holiday.

This must be a new record though ... schools only stopped here yesterday afternoon...

still so long as no-one is hurt the view will keep Ross happy for hours

lottie how did Wilf cope

lottiejenkins · 27/06/2009 11:05

Wilf coped very well bless him. My friend started crying when he hugged her, he wrote them both a letter too. He enjoyed walking Maddie as we saw loads of friends in the village and on the allotments, he loves my friend Sue but cant pronounce her name properly so he always hollers very loudly " HELLOO 'OOOOOOOOOOOOO" Further on the walk he saw another friend and was shouting "OI OI OI " and waving his arms like windmill sails just in case in the faint hope that Candida hadnt seen him!!
When we got back my friend took me to one side and said she had found a picture i had given Chris a long time ago of him and Wilf shovelling gravel in their front garden and did i think Wilf would like it. She didnt want to just give it to him, her thoughtfullness in the middle of what she is going through was truly awe inspiring. We now have the picture propped up on the computer table!

shabster · 28/06/2009 08:20

Good morning girls xx

lottiejenkins · 28/06/2009 14:49

Hi all, I am still recovering from last night! Was great fun. I had to sit with some different people as i was a later goer to the ball, My FG moved me over to their table when we got to the coffee stage, i had a wonderful evening. John next door paid for me to go on a bucking bronco I had a dress on that was very tight quite low cut and had a split up the side, so as you can imagine i had difficulty getting onto the bronco. My friends husband climbed in a huffed me up whereupon i went right up and over the other side! Everyone was laughing, the second time i did manage to get up there but proceeded to give everyone an eyeful!! My friends husband said it was the highlight of his evening!! I feel suprisingly well now. I got to bed at about 1.45am then had to be up at 8 to take Wilfred to an animal service!

travellingwilbury · 28/06/2009 18:07

Hello all !

We have had a lovely holiday and the sun shone

I have been thinking of you all and hope everyone is as ok as can be xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 28/06/2009 18:16

Welcome back TW. Glad you had a lovely holiday

It sounds like you had a grand time last night Lottie

I don't know if anyone has noticed, but the next webchat is with a FSID's expert. It mentioned something about co-sleeping, so it may be a specific chat, but I thought I would mention it anyway.

frasersmummy · 28/06/2009 19:48

welcome back tw...glad you had a good time

Last time I was on a bucking bronco I was rubbish.. but at least I had my denims on Lottie!!!

I have been down with the lurgy the last few day.. my throat and head hurt and I am soo tired

I am switching broadband providers this week .. Tuesday apparently. Either it will be a nice easy switch over and I will be on line Wednesday or it will be a nightmare and I will be awol for a while

does anybody know if fmn newest daughter is all right now??? I know she came home but often think about her and wonder if she is doing ok ??

shabster · 29/06/2009 07:01

Good morning girls xx

FMN is on Facebook and her latest pictures of DD are titled something like 'all well now!' DD looks beautiful and is the image of her older brother and sister.

lottiejenkins · 29/06/2009 08:12

Morning all, the humungous bruise on my right inside leg is diminishing slowly!! It was like a friction burn on Saturday night, and i got glass in my foot too. I get on really well with the PE teacher at school,It was an "oil barons ball" so he said to me "do you like my stetson?" so i said "yeah do you like the slit in my dress?" and flashed the slit at him!

shabster · 29/06/2009 08:24

cheeky monkey Lottie xx

frasersmummy · 29/06/2009 11:03

bet wilf is sooo proud of you Lottie

morning all

lottiejenkins · 29/06/2009 11:08

Wilf went on one at Christmas at Disneyland!!!

shabster · 29/06/2009 11:11
Grin
travellingwilbury · 29/06/2009 13:27

Hello all , glad to hear that bruise is getting better Lottie . Sounds like a good night .

Shabs , how is Tom doing today ? It must be such a worry for you x I hope you are doing ok x

Congratulations Dee

I am knee deep in washing now , welcome home me

shabster · 29/06/2009 14:36

Hiya TW - Tom has decided, by himself, that he wants to see the Counsellor at school. He says she is lovely and that it helps to have someone to talk to I am so angry, frustrated and upset that he feels he cant talk to me....also very jealous. Feel like I have failed him somewhat but also pleased that he will tell her his feelings. He seems happier in himself though and that is the main thing.

travellingwilbury · 29/06/2009 14:43

I am sure he can talk to you Shabs and I know that you really are superwoman but it sounds like a good plan to me that he talks to someone who is independent .

I am sure if the counsellor feels it would help then she would persuade Tom to let you go to a session . It all changes once they are at school doesn't it ? I can feel it already and Jamie is only 5 .

shabster · 29/06/2009 14:46

I agree with you - I just felt un-wanted. I dont think I want to sit in a session with him....knowing me I would end up crying!!!! High School especially is very very scary. xx

travellingwilbury · 29/06/2009 14:51

Un wanted is something I am sure you are definetly not .

I suppose its just that whole getting independent thing . Too scary .

lottiejenkins · 29/06/2009 19:03

I have just a very unwanted close up and personal experience with a Stag and two Does in a field, Hayley and I were walking shoulder high in long grass on an unused footpath, Hayles was looking at the ground and i looked ahead about 50 yards and saw them they were all leaping up and down the Stag was about seven or eight feet tall! I was screaming really loudly as they scared me! Luckily they went off in the opposite direction and not towards us! Never a dull day with me!

frasersmummy · 29/06/2009 20:17

shabs I dont have words of wisdom as I havent as you know got kids that age

but I would have thought the school counsellor will know all the kids involved and therefore be in a better position to advise who to ignore, who to stand up to etc

I read this today

Is it any wonder so many kids die when this appears to be news to the medical world???

I want to write to the bbc and say nae shit sherlock I could have told you that 5 years ago...

Swipe left for the next trending thread