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Bereavement

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Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

984 replies

Deemented · 03/05/2009 16:54

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

OP posts:
shabster · 26/05/2009 14:54

Marmite - I used to think about Gareth and Matt every single second of every minute of every day...they occupied my nightmares and I thought I would never, ever 'get over it' - whatever the hell those horrible words mean.

Nowadays I can go a full hour without thinking of them - AND I can talk about them without breaking my heart crying....it does change but it takes different amounts of time for everybodyxxxx

gardeningmum05 · 26/05/2009 15:00

thankyou for your comments on my brother.

marmite, you will get through it, you have to.i like the poem, had to think about it though, but i am blonde

marmite and olissa, maybe we shoud start a betting book on shortest labour

shabster · 27/05/2009 08:45

Morning girls xx

travellingwilbury · 27/05/2009 09:15

good morning everyone x

marmitemonster · 27/05/2009 13:21

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lottiejenkins · 27/05/2009 13:52

Id like to get hold of that "professional" Marmite and show them this thread and previous ones!!!

hazygirl · 27/05/2009 14:59

we all would ,they clearly have no bloody idea

marmitemonster · 27/05/2009 15:30

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marmitemonster · 27/05/2009 15:33

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marmitemonster · 27/05/2009 15:34

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Olissa · 27/05/2009 18:03

Marmite - I don't think people ever 'get over it' and I can't believe you've been told to. I read somewhere that one morning you wake up and realise you are carrying your sorrow, rather than your sorrow carrying you. That's a better way to look at it, I think. at all these people who think they are 'helping' you.

On a lighter note - yes you will win the fastest labour competition, my form is poor (22 hours followed by emCS, and nearly 13 hours!) I wouldn't bet on me.

Been to a first birthday party today. Am exhausted! DS opened most of his little friend's presents (his friend's sister did the rest). Two and a half year olds are so helpful And then after managing brilliantly all day, he wet himself on the train home. I think I will go to bed when he does!

lottiejenkins · 27/05/2009 18:31

Marmite.......... back in February when Ivan Cameron died, Shabs and I were asked to contribute to a piece by a lovely vicar called Ruth Scott on Radio 2's Good Morning Sunday. She wanted to hear what our experiences were when we lost our children and what we would say to those who wanted to comfort those who had lost a child. One of the things we both said to her was that you never ever get over it and never feel better. Im so angry and sad for you that that person said that to you!!!

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 27/05/2009 19:02

Many congratulations Olissa, that's wonderful news

Marmite, I would seriously think about making a complaint about these people who are supposed to be helping you, and ask for someone else. I can't believe the things they are saying to you.

Marmite, you may want to think about visiting your Grandma. The day after ds's funeral my cat died. I adore my cats, but his death didn't even register. I know it's only a cat and not a human, but it goes to show how hard you become to death and hurt. It was about a year or so after his death that I realised I hadn't mourned him, and it upset me a lot. So I would say, what will you regret more? Seeing your Grandma before she passes away, or after she has gone realising you would have liked to seen her one more time and have the chance to say goodbye?

travellingwilbury · 27/05/2009 19:04

marmite , have you spoken to your gp ? What the "proffesionals" have said to you so far is just so heartless . Not everyone out ther thinks like that and I was fortunate to not come across anybody . Thankfully for me and them .

marmitemonster · 27/05/2009 21:10

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travellingwilbury · 28/05/2009 07:10

good morning all x

shabster · 28/05/2009 07:51

Good morning my friends xx

hazygirl · 28/05/2009 14:19

afternoon girlsxxxxxxxxx

lottiejenkins · 28/05/2009 16:44

Hi all, have not had a good day here, I had to wake Wilf up today as he had overslept and we were going out, he sat up in bed said he wanted his dad and burst out crying. Turns out he had been dreaming about his Dad when i woke him up. He got very distressed which in turn made me upset . Then when we went to the Suffolk Show he got all arsey cos he wanted something and couldnt have it etc and was very unpleasent to a man who wanted to help us. I just sometimes think i cant do wrong for doing right!!

marmitemonster · 28/05/2009 19:32

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marmitemonster · 28/05/2009 19:57

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shabster · 28/05/2009 23:02

Marmite your little girl is so beautiful xx

Thelighthousekeeper · 28/05/2009 23:34

Hi Girls,

Marmite - just had a nosey at your pics she's beautiful, what a gorgeous smile.

Seem to have no freetime at the mo to catch up with you all here,Have lurked once or twice just to try and catch up with all thats been going on but feel so out of touch!Elodie is doing well and putting on weight and doing all she should and we have a constant stream of health visitors and midwives visiting on a daily basis as we are on the CONI scheme. Whilst on the one hand this is very reasuring at times I find it quite hard as Noah had been putting on weight and doing all that was expected yet he still died, so despite Elodie doing well I have this constant fear that something will happen. She looks so like her big brother its heart breaking. It really feels like I'm looking at him again which makes me miss him even more. I don't know if its the 'baby blues' or what but I've been feeling quite 'up and down' with it all. It will be a year next Thursday since Noah left us - I can't believe its been that long, it still just feels like yesterday.

Olissa · 29/05/2009 12:17

Lottie, hope you and Wilf are having a better day today, like Marmite I can't imagine what it is like for you.
Marmite, your DD is beautiful.
Lighthouse, I think you have a good excuse for not being here (not that you need one ) glad to hear Elodie is doing well and will be thinking of you all on Noah's remember day next week.
Love to all x

hazygirl · 29/05/2009 13:58

marmite she is so lovely ,those eyes are so lovely.
lhk dd also took part in coni and they are great,our little girl is 20 months now and what a chubby little love,shes so wild ,just love her so much, its so hard but i know youll be fine .
big hugs to everyone but weather is hot but house is needing doing so speak to you later.