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Bereavement

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Original poster

Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

984 replies

Deemented · 03/05/2009 16:54

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

OP posts:
shabster · 24/05/2009 09:29

Thats a great idea FM. A card sounds a wonderful idea Lottie. Dannys best school buddy is coming to visit this afternoon. He lives and works in London now and I havent seen him for 10 years. A wonderful lad who has had a lifetime of sadness and bereavement....but still has a massive grin on his face at all times. Cant wait to see him.

lottiejenkins · 24/05/2009 11:10

Thanks guys........... Gossip gossip I have just seen Amanda Donahoe out of Emmerdale in our local shop! She had dark glasses on so had to look carefully but it was her all right! Luckily Wilf doesnt know who she is...........I have a friend who has acted in Soldier Soldier, Heartbeat and The Last Detective, Wilf saw him recently in the local supermarket and said really loudly I KNOW YOU, IVE SEEN YOU ON THE TELLY!!! Cue an embarassed Mum!! I dont normally discuss his work with him on the basis that i have a friend whos an undertaker (he did Frank and Jacks funerals) i wouldnt dream of saying to Terry who did you bury today so i wouldnt say to Rob what you been doing then.........

hazygirl · 24/05/2009 16:21

h i back from work ,its scorching here .today,the band specials are playing in leeds today near work i feel old when a porter said they must be nearly sixty,omg im getting oldxx

frasersmummy · 24/05/2009 18:32

we went to the beach an hour away.. by the time we got there it was grey windy and cold..

but my 3 foot shadow insisted on picnicing and sandcastle building anyway...

you have got my curiousity up Lottie... Rob from soldier soldier.. couldnt possibly be the very delicious and very talented (imho) Robson Green could it???

frasersmummy · 24/05/2009 18:33

we went to the beach an hour away.. by the time we got there it was grey windy and cold..

but my 3 foot shadow insisted on picnicing and sandcastle building anyway...

you have got my curiousity up Lottie... Rob from soldier soldier.. couldnt possibly be the very delicious and very talented (imho) Robson Green could it???

frasersmummy · 24/05/2009 18:34

oops

lottiejenkins · 24/05/2009 20:05

No sorry FM......... If you google the clues i have given you will find who it is! Wish it was RG but it isnt!! lol.............. I had a lovely afternoon singing in the kitchen whilst cooking with the back door open, went next door to apologise for my noise and was laughing cos my neighbours said they could hear my howling to this...........
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MRu8N2K0NY&feature=PlayList&p=C3A5919EAD2014F9&index=0&playnext=1.............................

shabster · 25/05/2009 09:17

Good morning girls xx

lottiejenkins · 25/05/2009 11:26

Morning all.................

marmitemonster · 25/05/2009 20:14

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shabster · 25/05/2009 23:47

I think that is a very common emotion in bereaved parents. My husband has lost both his parents and even though neither was particularly old he said he was so glad that it wasn't 'his fault' it was a natural cycle of life.

Good night girls xx

travellingwilbury · 26/05/2009 07:00

Good morning everyone x

marmite , I agree with Shabs , since Harry died my dh has lost his father , anutie , uncle and even his brother and nothing comes close to the feeling of losing a child .

shabster · 26/05/2009 08:21

Good morning girls xx

Olissa · 26/05/2009 11:24

Good morning everybody.
Marmite, I haven't lost anyone since Caitlin died, but I think firstly it's because losing a child is kind of outside the natural order, if you like, while losing someone older is expected - not pleasant but expected. And secondly, maybe it's a bit of a defence mechanism to feel the way you do? I know after Caitie died I managed to be very practical and level-headed, and I worried that I was coming across as heartless too. I said I was off with the Tin Man to ask the Wizard for a heart, in fact But of course I wasn't being heartless, and neither are you.

In other news... I am pregnant! You might remember my DH was not sure he wanted any more children - well the poor man has had a surprise thrust upon him. Bless him, he is doing quite well so far, at least he doesn't think I have been putting pin holes in condoms It is early days yet but it's starting to sink in, I made my booking in appointment this morning, it's on the 19th. I think in a way having the decision taken out of our hands has helped.

There are quite a few of us pg now - we can all try to look after each other. I saw my psych consultant on Friday and I am staying on my ADs til 20 weeks then hopefully coming off them. Fingers crossed.

I hope FMN is OK - and Melissa, haven't seen her for a while, and that Dee is getting things sorted if she's reading this waves.

shabster · 26/05/2009 11:43

Olissa - many many congratulations - how fantastic. You lot must have been sitting in one chair in our special thread living room - just point out which one it is then I can steer clear of it

Im so pleased for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

marmitemonster · 26/05/2009 13:35

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Olissa · 26/05/2009 13:49

Wee bit behind you Marmite - 6 and a half weeks, EDD is 18.01.10 but will probably be February - DS term + 15 and DD term + 18!

I hate being a slow cooker.

Thanks for congrats though

marmitemonster · 26/05/2009 14:02

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shabster · 26/05/2009 14:15

Tom (DS4) was 21 days late and I was almost 41 when I had him

gardeningmum05 · 26/05/2009 14:25

nothing compares to losing a child. my brother died 18 months ago, he was in lebanon defusing mines, and sadly he had a mine go off. i loved my brother but i did not cry as much as i expected. i think once you have been through the tragedy of losing a child you kind of harden to it. sorry if i sound unfeeling. i went onto auto pilot when my brother died

on a brighter note congrats to all you pregnant ladies {grin] my 1st 3 were 2 weeks early, then DS2 arrived on his due date then DS3 arrived 2 weeks early after a 20 minutes labour, one ambulance and 1 very shocked DP

Olissa · 26/05/2009 14:32

Ooh gardeningmum I think 20 mins is a bit too quick for me!
Marmite, you might be OK - DS was induced and then CS when it didn't work (well I got to 9cms) Wanted a VBAC with DD, I couldn't be induced, and she took even longer turning up. Not sure what they will want to do this time...

Olissa · 26/05/2009 14:34

I'm sorry about your brother too gardeningmum. I meant to say that above but obviously hadn't losing someone suddenly is so very difficult too x

marmitemonster · 26/05/2009 14:47

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marmitemonster · 26/05/2009 14:49

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shabster · 26/05/2009 14:50

gardening - sudden death is very hard to deal with. Im so sorry to hear about your brother - and it has made me think about your Mum - she has the unenviable role of being 'one of us' - to loose an adult child must be very, very hard.

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