All those who have lost babies "ALWAYS LOVED NEVER FORGOTTEN"

[RTKangaMummy]

SANDS have sent me an "ALWAYS LOVED NEVER FORGOTTEN" order form

They are YELLOW WRISTBANDS they are £2 each.

They have "ALWAYS LOVED NEVER FORGOTTEN" written on them I think

IMHO they are a lovely way to remind others of our babies.

It will also raise money for preventing more babies dying.

We are going to buy some for us and our family and friends in memory of DT1.

If anyone else is interested I can give more info off the sheet.

.

about your birthday and due date being maybe same day or very close

they were same day RTKM, due date was 24th aug, couldnt beleive it, thought "wow what a birthday pressie".

Oh my goodness, so yes

happy then incredibly sad and lost

just wanted to say something dh says and it helps him and I try to think about it when feeling sad
the child we have today is who she is because of what has been

gothicmama Thanks for sharing that

Can i just ask how your rl friends have been, as i feel really let down by mine and am incredibly angry about it. They fell over themselves to talk and chat when they heard i was pregnant but since i miscarried last week its like i have the plague. I may have had a text or two saying get in touch when you feel up to it, but nothing else.

I feel incrediabaly alone and angry. Im finding comfort in a bloody rose tree when my friends should be there for me.

All that planning for our November baby, the names we chose, how we would cope, where would he or she sleep, its all gone and im left with a huge sense of despair. If it wasnt for my mners i would have gone to pieces.

cp3 mine didn't cope either, you will got through this and I think back sometimes to teh plans we made and it's nice now. you will find your ay to cope adn become stronger

I hope so i just wish my friends wouldnt avoid me. I havnt got an extra head or anything. I just feel really lonely at the moment, goes with the sense of loss i supose.

some of my friends just didn't know what to do and some of them were brilliant.

I wrote a letter to everybody in address book, well one letter copied for everyone.

I wrote all about the 6 weeks in hospital before the birth, about the birth and what happened afterwards.

I told them that we wanted to congratulated on both twins births

It was very hard and emotional to write the letter but at the same time it was cathartic to write it down. IYSWIM.

People told us afterwards how powerful the letter was to read.

I am really sorry I don't know how you can get your friends to chat to you or pick up the phone, the only thing I can think of is that they don't know what to say.

Do you think writing to them and sort of telling them how you are feeling lonely and telling them what you want ie for them to phone you or for them to pop round for cup of tea.

Then if you have told them they will know how you want them to behave.

Were any of them due the same time as you?

A few are around 20 weeks. My sil had hers on the day i had my D&C. Another friend had hers two days a go. And my childless friends i guess dont understand.

A letter is a good idea. Im better at expressing my feelings that way.

I have oredered some bands from sands, would you buy them for your friends too????

Oh dear you are rather surrounded by babies and pregnancy aren't you?

Yes am getting them for friends who also lost their DD when she was a toddler.

My best friend is TTC atm so maybe not for her.

We sent a note round about Tom, like RTKM did ({{{{hugs}}}}} Kanga I could tell something was up on that other thread, and someone has posted there to tell them).
cp3, some RL friends will be crap. In fact apart from my best friend, whose first baby spent all his life in NICU and died aged 5 months ) the only RL friends who understood were ones I met via Mumsnet and were also reading my posts.
I am so sorry yours have been insensitive, but not totally surprised. We had a Christmas card from one, saying "have a fun Xmas" (she wrote that in, it wasn't printed) even though she knew Tom would have been due ten days later.
Do buy them some wristbands - all our family will be wearing them, even dd on her nursery bag - it might give them a wake-up call.

RTKM, Im not looking forward to my birthday this year, it seems also that when you have lost a bay, you are suddenly surrounded by preg women and brand new babies and I will be honest and say that I do feel a touch of envy, I wouldnt deny any one their joy, but wish I was partaking in it too, cp3 the couple of close froends who knew about my preg as it still wasnt widely known,have not been sympathetic, because I have 4 children they seem to think that \ misscariage is not going to bother me.

Thanks Marina {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

@ christmas card

I just lost it a bit on the other thread so went for a walk and came back and it was still going couldn't face posting again on it.

I have just looked again and WWB has explained Thanks WWB

I like the idea of putting the wristbands on things as well as wrists ie on my keys. Hanging from mirror in car etc.

I think with a letter you can put all of your thoughts down also you don't have to keep repeating yourself.

Spacecadet Yes IKWYM

I was surrounded by twins seeing them on TV in magazines, then later on

Identical twins @

church creche
toddler group
reception class {now they have moved away}
fencing club

I had the longest talk on the phone to a girl i know last night about it all. She lost her baby at 23 weeks. It was because she had a clot on her placenta and she lost alot of blood. I niaeveley didnt really appreciate the pain she went through but after last night i think we may become friends.

She had the same problem with her seemingly close friends and it hurt her very deeply. I now know its normal and its because they dont know what to say so prefer to brush it under the carpet. I explained to my Dp about my feelings last night and he said its cos they are are worried i will be all upset and tearfull.

OH WELL IM SO BLOODY SORRY FOR BEING UPSET ABOUT LOSING OUR BABY.

You know what i mean, for gods sake.

i know what you mean cp3, RTKM, i cant imagine how hard it must have been celebrating the life of one child, yet mourning another, i find the anniversary of my little boys death especially painful, i can tell that you are very low at the moment

Hope you don't mind if i join this thread.
I wanted to hear your opinion on this.
Am I being hateful?
We lost Lilli-Mae on 15th March, maybe you have read our story, but my dh's sister is from scotland but works abroad and we haven't seen her in a year... over this past couple of years things have been very tense between us as she, at times, can be selfish... she hates the thought of anyone having something that she can't have. This went as far as us having a baby before she got married and had a baby. She never once asked about the pregnany, the baby or me. On the morning of Lilli-Mae's funeral I phoned to her abroad to let her know that I understood that she couldn't be with us etc. etc. thinking that maybe this would clear the air and everyone would realise that life is short, etc. Then on the 31st of March she phoned dh to tell him her good news, she's expecting!!!!! I was devastated to hear this, not because I grudge her her baby, but because she didn't have to tell us then, we weren't going to see her and she could have given us a wee bit more time. That afternoon we had to go and register Lilli-Mae, and that was going to be hard enough. She never even wrote us a note, her Mum sent flowers on her behalf and the only time we heard from her was when she phoned to tell her news... I haven't spoken to her, and have no intention of speaking to her incase I tell her what I think. I know that I am angry because of everything that has happened... and she would be an easy target, so I'm not getting in contact. She is getting married in May and we aren't going. So, at the end of this I feel like a bit of a shit. What do you think?

oh jangus i think that your sister could have been more tactful, there was no need to tell you her news at that time, it could have waited.

I know, but still, it seems stupid to let it annoy me in the scheme of things. I mean, when you read through this thread it brings it home. Even with being so very very raw with losing Lilli-Mae, I can't imagine the pain of losing a twin.
Makes everything else insignificant.

Im finding that people get so wrapped up in thier own life that they dont realise the hurt in others. Ive had a tactless friend tell me i can try again, i already have 3 so am lucky and then go on to tell me about her 20 week scan.

Resentfull, hatefull, angry, all part of the grieving process we are all going through. Dont apologise or make excuses for it jangus. Your sister has been selfish and thoughtless to how you may react to this news. She wouldnt have done it on purpose.

Id let her know how you feel via letter or e mail so it doesnt build up bad feelings between you.

Hi everyone,

Regarding the wristbands, I saw a posting regarding wristbands for the little people. The size of these bands are 192mm which are slightly smaller than "normal"! I have been assured by the company that these are known as a one-size-fits-all size and that the older little people should be fine with this size. We opted for these ones, certainly initially as we had no idea of uptake for children's sized ones. I have a "normal" one for another charity and they are quite "roomy" so I think our size would be better suited for certainly older children. I will add though, that they have been tried on men and they fit ok with them too! They do give a little when you put them on so on the whole should be ok for everyone!

Also, if anyone is interested in paying with a credit card for these, if you can email me a copy of your order form and let me know you would like to pay this way, I can send you an invoice via Paypal and this will have a link to pay online. Also, you don't have to have a paypal account anymore to pay this way.

I wonder if the moderator/owner of this forum would consider stickying a post regarding these wristbands? If anyone could find out I'd be greatful.

Many thanks and be gentle with yourselves.

Carolyn (SANDS - email me at [email protected])

"NOT ALL SCARS SHOW - NOT ALL WOUNDS HEAL - SOMETIMES YOU CAN?T ALWAYS SEE THE PAIN SOMEONE FEELS"

This is a hard thread to read. Thinking of you all in your sadness and grief.

I thought. Well, I want one for myself (first baby who died at 4 hours old, I was just 18, I concealed my pregnancy, long, long story, so long ago now, but still makes me so sad)

Then, I was overwhelmed by thinking of how many other people I know for whom I would get and give one to...

Such as friend with three retained m/c at 12 weeks before successful birth of baby boy.

Such as another friend with three m/c before this current, second successful pg.

Such as my BIL's close friend (you may remember in the news last year) whose DTs were killed at 2.5, following a piece of furniture they were climbing on falling on top of them (HOW do you EVER get over something like that?)

Such as my best friend's mother whose first PG at 16 got her sent to the workhouse, where her baby died a cot death.

Such as my sisters friend whose baby died at 5 months after a long illness, genetically carried, meaning they cannot even try for another one now because any further babies would suffer the same fate...

I think I shall buy a lot, and hand them out at my M&T group too - but I fear, I may well discover there are many other women I know, of whose own stories I was previously not aware.

But then, they might find it liberating to be able to share and remember for own sake and for that of their children no longer here.

Thank you for this thread.

xxxxxx

catbert thats a long list of sadness, I remember reading about the twins in the paper last year and howling my eyes out I couldnt begin to imagine what those poor grief stricken parents were going through. Catbert have you gone on to have more children?

{{{hugs}}} to everyone on this thread.