Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

All those who have lost babies "ALWAYS LOVED NEVER FORGOTTEN"

180 replies

RTKangaMummy · 22/04/2005 13:47

SANDS have sent me an "ALWAYS LOVED NEVER FORGOTTEN" order form

They are YELLOW WRISTBANDS they are £2 each.

They have "ALWAYS LOVED NEVER FORGOTTEN" written on them I think

IMHO they are a lovely way to remind others of our babies.

It will also raise money for preventing more babies dying.

We are going to buy some for us and our family and friends in memory of DT1.

If anyone else is interested I can give more info off the sheet.

.

OP posts:
Original poster
RTKangaMummy · 23/04/2005 00:49

Oh Thanks HunkerMunker you guys are all so special

OP posts:
mrsdarcy · 23/04/2005 04:39

Thank you so much for posting this, RTKM. April is a crummy month for me too. I lost my daughter last year @ 19 weeks and am now 26 weeks pregnant and a bag of nerves. I was recently told that there might be a problem with this baby so am struggling to get through the days and nights of waiting for medical appointments and tests.
Although it's so sad to see the pain in the messages on this thread, it's a comfort to know I'm not alone. RebeccasMummy - thank you to you and your colleagues at SANDS for your wonderful work. x

jangus · 23/04/2005 08:50

Thanks RTKM...
Carolyn... will email you to get the information.
Feeling very blue.
jangus

Spacecadet · 23/04/2005 09:42

RTKM, the letter arrived the same week i lost eve, just unfortunate, events crossed as it were. sparklymieow, i too look at my dd1 and think if i hadnt lost sam , she wouldnt be here, but then i suppose if sam had lived, i would be none the wiser, IYSWIM.

Original poster
RTKangaMummy · 23/04/2005 14:47

jangus and mrsdarcy sending you both hugs {{{{{{{}}}}}}

Spacecadet I guess the message didn't get to the right dept in time

OP posts:
Spacecadet · 23/04/2005 15:08

RTKM cant be helped really, nothing could hurt me anymore than I already was/am anyway

Original poster
RTKangaMummy · 23/04/2005 15:26

No I guess not, but it would have helped if hadn't arrived.

After DT1 had died we still received stuff on giving birth to twins and looking after twins, how to breastfeed twins.

I had sent away for lots of it and because they were born so premature @ 27 weeks + 5 days, it kept coming for weeks afterwards.

I think I must have been put on mailing list for twins.

OP posts:
nappybaglady · 23/04/2005 15:38

RTKM - you've helped me so much on the travel thread and I often read your posts on so many thraeds. Just wanted you to know that I'm adding my thoughts and support to you. We'll be seting off on our adventure and should be having a wonderful time throughout May but I will think of you and both your beautiful boys. I hope you get through this difficult time as gently as possible. If I can get a wristband before we go I'll take it all around the world with me.

And to all the others who have had to endure the horror of losing a child I simply can't imagine what you've been through, and can't really bear to think about it. Just reading this thread is so upsetting. I hope that you can all take strength from MN and SANDS.

With Love, nappybaglady

Spacecadet · 23/04/2005 15:51

oh RTKM, how awful, really rubbing salt in the wound, you poor thing , the worse thing with this recent loss is that i signed up for pampers week by week newsletters, i did it with dd2 and it was great reading, week by week, after coming home from hospital, i went on my emails and found a pampers one saying your baby at 17 weeks, that was horrid, i emailed them to deactivate it but another one for 18 weeks still managed to slip through the net

Original poster
RTKangaMummy · 23/04/2005 15:54

nappybaglady Thank you so much for the kind words and support, if the wristband did come in time for you to take it round the world that would be wonderful.

Thank you once again,

OP posts:
Original poster
RTKangaMummy · 23/04/2005 15:58

Spacecadet what are exciting emails and letters etc when you are expecting become very cruel when you loose the baby don't they?

OP posts:
Spacecadet · 23/04/2005 16:03

very..

WigWamBam · 23/04/2005 16:10

It's been nearly 20 years since I lost my first baby to miscarriage, and I've never really told anyone about it, or even talked about it. It has been locked away inside for all that time. My partner at the time was relieved when it happened, as he had got cold feet about the idea of a baby, and he never mentioned it again. My parents were sad that I was upset, but even they thought that it was probably a good thing. So it's never really been talked about, except in my heart.

I wasn't at full term, so I didn't go through the same as you went through, but I wasn't even allowed to see my baby before she was taken away. I don't even know whether the baby was a boy or a girl, but I have always called her she. I called her Elizabeth Mary, so I at least have a name even if I have nothing else.

Spacecadet · 23/04/2005 16:24

same as me wwb i had a stillbirth 15 yearsago, i knew it was a boy but was not allowed to see him, elizabeth mary is lovely, its my mums name

WigWamBam · 23/04/2005 16:27

I think that's the thing that made me saddest of all. She was a person, at least I thought of her as a person, she was part of me, yet she was treated as if she was just some spare tissue to be thrown away. I suppose at the time they thought that it was less painful that way, but it's not.

Spacecadet · 23/04/2005 16:29

attitudes towards misscarriage and stillbirth used to be dreadful, you were just told to get on with it, i was told that being only 17 i was too young to be having a baby and would have more when i was older

Original poster
RTKangaMummy · 23/04/2005 16:29

Oh WWB I had no idea

Elizabeth Mary is a beautiful name

And that you didn't get to see her with your eyes but am sure you saw her in your heart and in your dreams.

sending you hugs {{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 23/04/2005 16:34

I've never really said anything to anyone about it, KM, it was never really spoken about, and I just locked it all away inside and kept it there.

I was 22, and because the pregnancy wasn't planned, it was almost as if everyone thought I was being given a second chance to get on with life without the encumbrance of a child. It still hurts sometimes, even now, that I never saw her.

Spacecadet · 23/04/2005 16:36

thats awful wwb, I had the same attitude when I lost sam, they all said oh you can go back to college etc,my mum sent me a bunch of flowers that said, get well on them!!

WigWamBam · 23/04/2005 16:39

Oh, no ... it makes me so sad that people could feel that it was in some way a god thing to happen, as if your feelings don't matter.

Original poster
RTKangaMummy · 23/04/2005 16:48

Is quite cruel to say "oh well, you are young, just wait a few years and you can have another baby or you have your whole life ahead of you"

It is very dismissive of our feelings to say things like that,

OP posts:
Spacecadet · 23/04/2005 16:48

people dont realise that no matter what the circumstances surrounding your preg it was still your child, that you loved and need to grieve for, my mum has been crap during my recent misscarriage because the baby was unplanned, I have come to expect nothing more really.(i still love her just dont expect any sympathy in that dept)

Original poster
RTKangaMummy · 23/04/2005 16:53

I think as soon as you find out you are pregnant you start to dream and plan what it will like with the baby or babies.

What they will be called

what they will look like

How they will fit in with the other children if we already have them.

I think the dreams dying is one of the hardest for me.

OP posts:
Spacecadet · 23/04/2005 17:12

my latest baby was a little accident but we were planning and thinking of buying double buggies etc, we had already started wandering what the baby would look like, what emily would think to it as shewould have only been one, would the baby have actually arrived on my birthday??would it be a double celebaration? now its all gone I feel so empty.

Original poster
RTKangaMummy · 23/04/2005 17:29

Yes That is what I mean

{I meant planning afterwards rather than planning or deciding that you want to get pregnant}

As soon as we get the blue line the imagination and plans start whirring round.

About buggies, cots and car seats etc.

OP posts: