All those who have lost babies "ALWAYS LOVED NEVER FORGOTTEN"

[RTKangaMummy]

SANDS have sent me an "ALWAYS LOVED NEVER FORGOTTEN" order form

They are YELLOW WRISTBANDS they are £2 each.

They have "ALWAYS LOVED NEVER FORGOTTEN" written on them I think

IMHO they are a lovely way to remind others of our babies.

It will also raise money for preventing more babies dying.

We are going to buy some for us and our family and friends in memory of DT1.

If anyone else is interested I can give more info off the sheet.

.

lockets hugs to your friend {{{{{{}}}}}

Suggest to him to take lots of photos of their DS

They may not want to look at them now but in the future they will be glad they did take them

Also IMHO they should ask to see their DS and spend some time with him.

Am sure she will be able to, hope so

And maybe for them to give a put a little teddy with him so he is not alone IYSWIM

Lockets, so sorry to hear your friend's baby died. How terrible .
Another thing that might help her is a pretty, sturdy box for her to keep all her ds' precious things in - his hospital notes, ID bracelet etc. Like the photos, it may be a while before she feels strong enough to look at them, but to have them there is a great comfort. Cards and letters from people are nice to keep too.
Tom was cremated in the shawl that ds1 first wore. He was too small for baby clothes

Lockets... I am so sorry for your friend. I don't know what else to say. We got alot of comfort from spending the night with Lilli-Mae, especially since reality stayed at the door and we could say that Lilli-Mae was sleeping. It is very hard to fit a lifetime into a few hours and I know that everyone is different in dealing with things. We also put a wedding photo in with Lilli-Mae and her only wee cousin (just 8 weeks old) gave her a pink teddy as she didn't have any toys of her own... We thought that in the future we would be able to tell Lucia what she did for Lilli-Mae.
They are all very much in my thoughts.
love jangus xxx
sorry, but just to say that my favourite photo of Lilli-Mae is the one in which she is naked with one hand holding a finger from her other hand on her chest... she is my first child and I gaze at the photo and try to take everything in, I know this wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea.

lockets, thats awful do they know why the baby died?

oh lockets

So sad to hear that, lockets. I think the idea of taking photographs and keeping things in a beautiful box for when they feel strong enough to look at them is a lovely one.

My best friends sister's son died at the age of 11 months during heart sugery - he had been born with a very bad defect and was due for a transplant some way down the line.

They actually took him home with them and had him at home in his room until the funeral - in which together they carried his coffin down the church aisle. Also gave a joint, tear-jurking reading written by themselves at the service. They both took great comfort from having the time to say goodbye to him at length, not to everyones idea but it worked for them. You must do what feels right for you and not worry what seems wrong or what others will think, lots of photos as keepsakes too. Sorry sorry for everyones tragic losses on this thread, all so, so sad

Lockets, how awful for your friend. I agree with what everyone else has said about photos and other mementoes. It is so hard to come to terms with the loss of such a short and innocent life, and I found that to have some tangible mementoes gave (and still gives) me great comfort.

If they are planning a funeral for their DS, there is a useful section in "Pregnancy Loss: A Silent Sorrow" with suggestions for readings, hymns/songs etc. SANDS also have a section on their website dealing with the immediate aftermath of a baby's death.

I was given morphine during my labour with Maisie and whilst it is a marvellous method of pain relief, both mental and physical, one of my most unsettling memories of that awful time is that for weeks afterwards I really craved it, just to take the edge off my anguish. Just thought I would mention it in case your friend has a similar experience over the coming weeks.

oh lockets that is how i lost my son sam 15 years at 26 weeks, how devastating for them.

FIMAC1

lovely that they could take him home

I had my foetal MRI scan today. As well as the enlarged ventricles which were spotted a few weeks ago, another part of the brain is missing. Apparently this doesn't much change the prognosis: the baby might be fine or might have any degree of problems, ONLY if there are no chromosomal or other abnormalities. I honestly don't know now which I am more frightened about - coping with the rest of the pregnancy, or finding out at the end of it that the baby has some dreadful problem. How can this be happening to us? I thought that after losing Maisie last year we had had our share of bad luck. Even the consultant agreed that it is like lightning striking twice

mrsdarcy I don't know what to say

{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}} sending you hugs

oh mrsdarcy im so sorry, are you going to have an amnio now, god i dont know what to say, are they offering you any counselling, they should be, are they saying that if no chromosomal prob is present then the baby could be fine? i think that in certain circumstances the brain can compensate for damaged parts.{{{hugs}}}

I have nothing more to say but, I'm thinking of you all...
jangus xxx

Even if the chromosomes are fine, apparently there is a list of non-chromosomal syndromes that these findings could be a sign of. And if there is nothing else, no "syndrome", just the things they have found, the baby could still have problems. The more we ask and the more we find out, the more grey it all becomes. And of course, there is still the chance that the baby will be just fine. Maybe if most of us were examined as closely as this baby has been they would find things that didn't conform to the norm! But I'm finding it very hard to be positive about it.
We are thinking of holding off the amnio until 32 - 34 weeks so that if it does cause premature labour the baby has a good chance of coping with it. By that time, we might feel there is no point going through with the amnio, but on the other hand if it is something like Edwards Syndrome perhaps we should have the chance to prepare ourselves.
I met a counsellor at the hospital last week, and am seeing her again this week. I don't really want to discuss it with friends locally and am dreading the chirpy comments from people on the school run about how blooming I am, when I feel so scared.

On a different point, and going back to something you said on another thread, spacecadet, I had always dreamed of having 4 children (I have 2 boys) and this is probably the end of that dream. We can't go through this again. I'm sad about that too.