Harry's thread for bereaved mums , Wether its a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on we are all here one for all and all for one .

[travellingwilbury]

Many thanks to ILike for passing on the baton to myself and Harry . I know we are a bit previous but I am worried I will get the timing wrong .

I feel like I have only been here a wee while but it is invaluable to me .

This is a poem that has helped me in the past .

I have not turned my back on you
So there is no need to cry.
I'm watching you from heaven
Just beyond the morning sky.

I've seen you almost fall apart
When you could barely stand.
I asked an angel to comfort you
And watched her take your hand.

She told me you are in more pain
Than I could ever be.
She wiped her eyes and swallowed hard
Then gave your hand to me.

Although you may not feel my touch
Or see me by your side.
I've whispered that I love you
While I wiped each tear you cried.

So please try not to ache for me
We'll meet again one day.
Beyond the dark and stormy sky
A rainbow lights the way.

I have just had right good wallow in self pity...

I went upstairs, shut myslef in the bedroom and

I have been through Frasers memory box..such as it is, played the tape of the funeral hymns, read all our cards and letters, read the condolences book my office made, read the eulogy and the insert we did for the memoral book at the hospital, looked at his hand and foot prints and had a right good bubble..

It has to be said I feel a little better...

I never expected it to hurt this bad 5 years down the line !!

Frasersmammy - my dear friend - I still do that every now and then.....I open my treasure box with Gareths tiny tiny bonnet in and his appointment card from the hospital. I grin at Matts attempts to write his name in his homework book. In May it is 17 years since I last held Matts hand and in July it is 27 years since I couldn't help my precious Gareth to fight for life anymore.

Most of the time I am OK - but my heart still aches and my head sometimes feels like it will blow up.

It will always hurt my darling.....its just that as the years roll by the edges of our grief soften a tiny bit....and now I only think about Matt and Gareth every hour and not every minute like I used to!

Its good to have a cry sometimes...a kind of release. Sending a massive hug from Lancashire xxx

Hugs to one and all.

I can feel the anxiety rising as some anniversaries approach at the end of the month (the date we first realised Cole was ill and his first transplant) I wish I could wake up and the dates have passed.

thank you very much shabster ... as ever your heartfelt words have really made me feel better

I really used to feel that I was the only one who struggled with my grief before fmn came along... Its sooo nice not to be alone..

talkikng of which has anyone heard from fmn recently... do we know how her new dd is doing??

I will try to have a smile on my face tomorrow

I don't believe in God (I know I've said as much already) but I like the quotation anyway. I believe in poetry and I definitely believe in springtime.

It is nice not to be alone. Sometimes I just wish I could be 'normal'. Well, here I am.

I wish this wasn't 'normal' for all of us, mind.

Love to all.

We are all STILL here - wether we believe in God or not...we are surviving and growing and still loving ALL our babies.

We will GET THERE!! Wherever the hell THERE is....but we will only get there with each others support and help.

Good night my friends..see you in the morning xx

Morning girls xx

A few words taken from a Compassionate Friends newsletter.

If I can ease your pain for a while,
And walk this road with you.
If I can sit and hold your hand in mine
And truly say, I know what you're going through,
If I can wipe away your tears with a ray of hope,
And listen to the memories you treasure,
I will have shared what others have shared with me
Love - of the greatest measure.

afternoon girls

its a beautiful easter sunday here...

I am glad we are all still here and you are right olissa I wish it wasn't the norm for us all either

We were in b&q getting some plants and things for the garden. Frasers had a small plant peg thing with eeyore on it but it got broken a while ago. We bought him a new one today. The girl at the checkout hands it to Ross saying is this for you .. and he says no its for my big brother's garden .. he is up in heaven

she was well shocked.. but she recovered well smiled at him and said well thats a nice gift for him

Its one of those moments that that make you smile and brng a lump to your throat at the same time

That was beautiful Shabs

Your Ross sounds like one in a million FM.

Hi, sorry not been around the past week. Things have been rather manic here. Thought we would be moving next week so have been frantically decluttering etc! At 7 months pregnant I'm finding it rather tiring! Anyway we aren't moving next week our buyers have been messing us around. After saying originally they had to be in by the 20th of April they are now saying they want to complete on 1st May!! Baby is due beginning of June and as both DD and Noah were 4 and 3 weeks early I really don't want to have to wait until then!! So have been feeling rather stressed about the whole thing! Had a break on Tuesday though when I went to Windsor Castle to watch my uncle receive his MBE from the Queen! It was such an amazing day. Peter Jones (off Dragon's Den) was there, god he's so so gorgeous, I went quite weak at the knees seeing him in the flesh .

Now lying on the sofa eating choc and watching the Vicar of Dibley.

Frasersmummy - a candle will be lit here on Wednesday.

Hope you girls are all okay. Have a good rest of the weekend. xxx

Good night girls....Lhouse - loads going on for you....thinking about you xxxx

Morning everyone xx You about Hazey???? You are too quiet

Morning all, we are going to Antonias on an easter egg hunt this afternoon!

That sounds good Lottie! Tom got a Galaxy egg from Danny and Em....It had 5 different galaxy bars with it.....will be glad when Tom has eaten them all. I dont have a sweet tooth normally BUT Galaxy [drool emoticon]

OMG my dear friend is driving me crazy. Just finished a 6 month relationship with, what can only be described, as a mentally unstable bloke!!! Believe me, I was generous with my words just then!!

Friend asks what would I do - what should she do - what do i think he meant by his words. I tell her my opinion.....through gritted teeth....and she does and says the opposite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG I wish I just had a relationship to worry and cry about

RANT OVER

hi shabs and everyone ,hope you all ok,sorry not been on but had problem with internet,been busy working .
the weather is realy good here ,dh at inlaws decorating,dd1 off work so no little ones to keep us busy,ds just been for an hour and dd2 leaves home on thursday, im dreading it but hey will cope,shes 17 and ive told her if your not happy you just come back home,so she knows .
hope everyone not eating too much chocolate ,i still have the girls eggs here so will take down later.

I am going to be 40 tomorrow!! !!!
My party isnt until the 25th though.........Im having a small party here for Wilf and his friends for my birthday tomorrow afternoon and am typing with flour covered hands from the cheese straws I have been making!!

Wow - the big 4-0!!! Though you don't look a day over 39

Lol thanks xx

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Lottie - how fantastic. I found out I was having Tom on my 40th birthday!!!! I lurve cheese straws - pass us some

Hope you have a fantastic birthday xxx

Happy Birthday Lottie! Hope you have a lovely day. xx

happy 40th birthday lottiexxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hope you have a grewt day, Lottie

happy birthday Lottie (smile)

have a great day