Harry's thread for bereaved mums , Wether its a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on we are all here one for all and all for one .

[travellingwilbury]

Many thanks to ILike for passing on the baton to myself and Harry . I know we are a bit previous but I am worried I will get the timing wrong .

I feel like I have only been here a wee while but it is invaluable to me .

This is a poem that has helped me in the past .

I have not turned my back on you
So there is no need to cry.
I'm watching you from heaven
Just beyond the morning sky.

I've seen you almost fall apart
When you could barely stand.
I asked an angel to comfort you
And watched her take your hand.

She told me you are in more pain
Than I could ever be.
She wiped her eyes and swallowed hard
Then gave your hand to me.

Although you may not feel my touch
Or see me by your side.
I've whispered that I love you
While I wiped each tear you cried.

So please try not to ache for me
We'll meet again one day.
Beyond the dark and stormy sky
A rainbow lights the way.

shabster, how horrific for you, to lose your Matt so tragically
Nice to meet all the rest of you...thanks for sharing your stories with me.
Moveit...too true, I think only other bereaved Mums (and dads) can truly understand the heartache and sadness we feel. Others can emphasise, but unless you have been through it, you really have no idea what it is like. The one thing I have found amazing, and really rather sad, is since this happened to me, I have come across SO many others who have either lost a baby in utero or when the baby had been born. The saddest thing is that it is still seen as such a hush hush topic in society. Why is that? Why should we be made to feel ashamed for wanting to talk about our child(ren) that we have lost?
One of the biggest things that I did shortly after losing Jaime and Finnen was to write my story which was subsequently published in SANDS magazine. Anyone a member of a SANDS associated support group? i used to go to one, but stopped, but am thinking of perhaps going again

Olissa...glad your DS is ok...it is amazing what a Lofty can do...my DC too is a bob the builder fan, and anything from it can make any worry go away for him!

my dp and i help run a help group in nottingham for parents that have lost a baby to cotdeath, its called CALAB, coping after losing a baby.
we have had afew people come and i like to think we have helped them, but the group has kind of fizzled out as late.

Hi Melissa - good to 'meet' you. Sorry that it has to be under such circumstances, but here's a safe place that you can just 'be'.

I'm Deemented (no, i really am ) Mammy to a surviving Triplet, Brennan. We lost one of our triplets in utero at 10 weeks, and shortly after our son Ciaran was diagnosed with PUV's. They were born at 28 weeks, and Ciaran lived for an hour and 42 mins, whilst Brennan fought hard and is now a lively(!!) four year old. I also have a daughter, Brogan who's ten months old. And i too am a widow - my husband died suddenly of a heart attack eight months ago now. Just slowly trying to pick up the pieces of our lives and get them into some kind of order... but the ladies here have been here for me and that means the world.

Welcome again

And candles have been lit for Noah here too.

Will light some insence for Noah...With Wilf about i dont tend to light candles!! Thinking about you all today Lighthouse xx

Wilf has just accidentally pulled the bathroom curtain pole clean out of the wall(screws and all) on top of himself. Lovely Tony who's my late DH's good friend has been asked agreed to put it back up tomorrow! I dont know whether to laugh or cry!

Oh Lottie - life's certainly not dull with Wilf around, is it? He sounds like such a fab little manv - thanks for sharing his exploits with us.

I did try sands.. I called the a local befriender a few weeks after I lost Fraser.

He spent 45 mins talking about the little boy he lost how hard he found it, how hard b/days are etc. I remember clearly him saying that people dont usually come to sands so early in the grief process, they normally came 4/5 years down the line.

I remember being really annoyed and thinking whats the point in waiting 5 years for support and arent you supposed to be listening to me??

that said I an right behind their why17 campaign because like Melissa says awareness has to be raised of stillbirths and neonatal deaths

God what a rant.. sorry.. gets off soapbox and wanders off to find brandy

Deemented....we certainly have a lot in common. Brennan must be so cherished by you and your loved ones. Is Brennan a girl or a boy? (excuse the question if it is obvious )
Frasersmummy, how horrible about your experience with the befriender, especially when you needed a listening ear. It sounds though like he needed a listening ear at that moment too, so as difficult as it was for you, I am sure it helped him, even though it was supposed to be the other way around.
Lottie...definately laugh...takes too many muscles to cry!! He certainly sounds like a lively chap! I am sure he brings you loads of joy though!

I just wanted to thank you all so much for the kind messages and lighting of candles today in memory of my darling Noah. You are all such a wonderful bunch of ladies and I am so grateful to have found you all.

Today has been really hard, keep thinking how different it was a year ago and we have spent the day as a family. We went to Noah's grave and put a posy on his grave and found some of our friends had also left flowers and plants. We also received cards from our closest friends, if his death has taught me anything it is how lucky we are to have the friends we do, yes some have more or less vanished off the face of the earth but others have been so caring. I had an email from Noah's godfather today, he recently ran a half marathon in Noah's memory and he said they were having a charity event at his work tonight and all proceeds would be going to FSID. We went out this afternoon and bought a tearose called 'in loving memory', have had to delay planting it until tomorrow as we found the huge bag of compost we'd bought only half filled the tub, so will have to go buy another one tomorrow. Was really upset as I had wanted to do it today. The man at the garden centre said we'd have to wait a bit longer for the forgetmeknots so hopefully next month we'll be able to deal with those. We also had a little cake for Noah this evening and DD sang Happy Birthday and blew out a candle.

We had this song played at Noah's funeral and I always think of it as his song now.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qQ_pQAgKS8

Hi Melissa, welcome to the group no doubt you've seen today what a wonderful group of girls they are on here. I'm so sorry to have heard what you have been through. I'm Mummy to Noah who died suddenly in his sleep aged 10 weeks. He would have been 1 today. I also have a DD aged 4 and am expecting my 3rd child. I've got pics of them on my profile if you want to see.

xxxxx

Melissa - Brennan is definately a boy His nicknames boyo and he certainly lives up to it!

TLK - Today sounds as if it were healing for you and as good as it could be. Sennding you all much love xxx

Lighthouse - sounds like a 'bitter sweet' day. You are right, you certainly find out who your true friends are. Have been thinking about you all day and wondering how you are doing. I think Noah would be pleased with the way you have 'celebrated' his birthday....bet all our lot are partying tonight in heaven (or wherever the good people go) can just imagine my Matt and Gareth organising games and enjoying them more than the little ones

xxxx

I love, love, love the words of that song....

Can i ask a favour, ladies?

Tomorrow i go to a meeting with The Christian Lewis Trust with reguards to accessing some treatment for boyo. They want to assess what i think that they can do for him, and i'm really nervous. I'm worried that i won't be able to articulate exactly how much boyo needs their help and that they may decide not to see him after all.

Wish me luck

Ive said a prayer for you Dee, I know WW couldnt help you have you thought about approaching The Child Bereavement Trust?

The founder of WW was on This Morning today, talking about Jade and Natashas children and how other children cope!

Dee - write down what you are thinking about your DS's situation right now! When you have written down everything read it and you will see what the right words are. Deep breath before you talk to them and always remember you are doing the greatest thing you can do for your DS - you are protecting him and caring about his emotions and sadness.

Good luck - I will be thinking about you.

Just had a thought - you should print this current thread off and just hand it to them......words speak volumes

Everlong and Oli's song

I think that Everlong will forgive me for putting Oli's song on here. I adore the words to this song.....it sounds so like me and my sons....Dee - it reminds me of you and your DS as well. All will be well....all will be well xxxx

Will be thinking of you tomorrow Dee. Best of luck.

Goodnight girls. x

Goodnight darling - see you in the morning xx

Morning girls xx

Good morning all xx

Welcome Melissa , I am so sorry to hear all you have been through . I just have to repeat what Shabs says though about feeling guilty and blaming yourself . Whatever had happened you would blame yourself . I know that I have spent yrs blaming me . I know it isn't the same stresses but when I was pregnant with my second my bil was in hospital dying from liver failure . For two months I was driving his girlfriend to and from the hospital every day . It was truly awful and we also had to deal with a neighbour going through a complete mental breakdown at the same time . He was a nightmare , he would do things like put his stereo on the loudest volume and go out for the weekend leaving us to deal with it . This went on for most of my pregnancy and I know it isn't the same as you losing your dh but the stress levels were pretty high . I do believe that there is nothing you could of done . Sorry if you feel I am talking rubbish and please feel free to tell me .

Deemented, I will be thinking of you today . You will do a grand job I am sure xxx

Thanks folks - but i have a more immediate crisis to deal with first - boyo has woken up in agony with his penis and testicles - they are bright red and quite swollen, so am trying to get an urgent appointment at the docs for him. Bless him, he's in agony, and docs don't open til 8.30.

Dee that sounds sore
I hope you manage to get is sorted quickly xx

Oh blimey Dee, hopefully it will be something as easy as a course of anti-biots. I hope boyo feels better soon.

Good luck for later. FWIW I have always found you very articulate, so I think you'll be fine. Deep breath, and don't worry about crying, it's bound to happen. {{{Hugs}}}