Cole's thread for bereaved muumies: like the sands on the beach that never wash away. I watch over my surviving mum, who thinks of me each day.

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Welcome to our santuary and haven ladies.

Many thanks for Frasersmummy for passing the baton onto Cole and I. I am touched and hope I can do all our lo's justice.

For any people wanting to join, don't be shy. We cry, we rant, we smile, we laugh - whatever we feel like we need to do.

Take care Lighthouse - sending all our love from Shabster Towers xxx

Ive just been speaking to the very brave lady who teaches Wilf........she said she gave him a picture of a baby hedgehog on an apple and told him to write about it, he said he was going to call it Hamish! I also suggested he used some of his pocketmoney on his shopping expedition on some bubblebath like mine so he can have his own and we wont have a repeat of the bubble filled stairs wall, hall and bathroom from last Sat night..i can guarantee you 100% that if its own bb he is using he wont use a fifth of what he liberally shook out of my bottle!!!

Lighthouse a candle has been lit here since 2 30 . I hope you are ok (or as ok as you can be today ) I also hope your dd has got into the school you wanted ((((((((((()))))))

Lottie I want a Wilf .

I havent been able to get on all day ..working too hard

thank you for the comforting words...they honestly made me feel a whole lot better

lighthouse all we had was a meeting with the consultant to discuss the pm results and that was hard enough...

you will be wiped out tonight.. come back talk when you feel up to it ..you are in our thoughts and prayers

Hi ladies,
Thank-you so much for your kind messages this afternoon, I can't tell you how touched me and my DH were.

The inquest wasn't as bad as I'd expected. The coroner was extremly kind and sensitive (always apologising when ever he had to refer to any statements etc.) and explained fully to us what was going to happen. Fortunatley there were no journalists there.
I cried all the way through I had so wanted to keep it together but it was just so hard when he started talking about Noah. The coroner recorded a verdict of SIDS. It's so hard to accept as it doesn't give us any answers. Afterall how can a healthy little boy die just like that?

Unfortunatly we have not heard about Aurelie's school place has the postman didn't turn up today due to the weather so hopefully we will hear tomorrow!
Take care all of you and thankyou again for your support today. xxx

fmn I have checked back and 3 weeks ago tonight you said you were 37 weeks gone and you had a plan that didnt include going to term

I hope and pray that you have had a safe arrival by now ...

I am looking forward to good news soon

TW.............I am sure i can arrange a loan at very reasonable rates!!!! I got rushed to the doctors this afternoon.......My right hand was icy cold and the doctor was concerned as my reynauds was obviously worse.....he said i had better come into the surgery i said id go and see him on thursday when he was back at work....he replied "No Charlotte you have to come in now!!!" He had to go off on an urgent housecall so one of the other GP's saw me and i have to have blood tests done and an x ray and am on medication........not how i expected to spend my Tuesday afternoon..........

lighthouse - so sorry that the pm results leave you with more questions. Like, why? I'm thinking of you all, and of course your darling Noah xxx

frasersmummy - funnily enough I was thinking exactly the same today.

Lighthouse - Im glad today is 'over' for you....I think I cried all the way through Matts as well The hardest part of the verdict of SIDS is that not even the cleverest doctors know why...I suppose at least you have a 'name' for what happened. Have been thinking about you all day sweetheart. You must be shattered xxxxxxx

OMG I really am getting nosey about FMN now....

Good night my dear friends xxxx

Morning my darlings!! xx

Morning xx

Good morning all xx

Lighthouse I am glad yesterday is done . I know its hard not to have a "proper" answer . I had my gp come to the house and go through the pm report with me and I was also still none the wiser . We got the what answer but not the why and that is hard .

Thought you ladies might like to see this lovely story that Wilf wrote at school yesterday!!
I will tell a story its called hedgehog apple a newborn hedgehog called Hamish. Hamish opened his eyes wide and saw a huge bright green apple then Hamish decide to climbed the apple but the apple was started to wobbly . then his mum and brothers and sisters saw him then all put their hand on head and mouth open with the shock. all were trying help him but the apple was roll then roll then the apple was break half one of half for hedgehog family one is their friend remy the rat live next door the end of the story hope you will like the this story xxxxxxxx

afternoon girls,lhk im so sorry you got no answers,you follow every think we were told to do,and still he went .
we try and raise money doing mile memory walk,the support we got from coni care was amazing but i prayer they find an answer one day,that it will stop,im sending you and your family big hugs,and im so sorry you didnt get the answer you so need.
im pleased they where no reporters there,we had it splashed all over local people,it was hard for dd xxtake care of yourselfxx

Hi Ladies,

Had some really good news today - DD has got into the school we wanted (what a relief!).

Lottie - thats so lovely what Wilf wrote.

Hazygirl - We are also planning to do a Mile in Meomory this year (although I'll be 8 1/2 months then!)and longer term I really want to do the London Marathon one day (I am not at all fit so am giving myself plenty of time to prepare, my Uncle and Noah's Godfather also plan to do join me, my aim is 2012!. FSID have been so supportive over the last 8 months and so we too want to support them in helping other familes like us and in the hope that one day they can find out why these deaths occur and hopefully prevent them happening. By helping them it feels like we are doing somthing for Noah (if you know what I mean). I'm so sorry you had reporters at Jaydens inquest and had to go through that, it just makes it even harder than it already is.

TW - our GP also went throught the postmorterm, it just so hard to accept isn't it that like Shabs says even the cleverest Dr's can't find the reason.

Hugs to you all xxx

LHK..........am so pleased for you!! Glad you like the creative writing too!!

LHK - so glad about the school place. Its an awful feeling when you dont get the school you want.

Hello all

I am feeling a bit disjointed at the moment . I am thinking about picking the scab (so to speak ) I very nearly got Harrys memory box out today but then didn't as my youngest was there and its not fair to have a weep and a wail in front of him . The problem is I just don't feel like I get any "Harry time " very often any more .

Not really sure what I can do about it . I know I could get my dh to have the boys at the weekend for a bit so I could do it but it would feel to prescriptive and I might not be in the mood then .

Just a moan I suppose x

big hugs i m so glad you got into chosen school, hope everyone ok and tw what about late at night or early early morning i use that time to go through things iykwimxx

Hi folks.

Just checking in. Am finally in the new house. It feels wrong saying that it's home because i'm not sure it'll ever be home again without hubbs.

Hope everyone is as good as they can be.

Oh My word - Dee and TW - bereavement is the hardest thing to cope with. Dee - it will never, ever be the same again....it will be a different life. I wish you well...I hope your new home is fantastic....I send you my thoughts and love.

TW - there is no use planning anything...no use at all. Take life as it comes my love. One step at a time. One foot in front of the other and every other line you have ever heard. My treasure box sits under my coffee table...I dip in and out whenever I have a free moment. Please remember that the only thing you can teach your children by crying when upset is COMPASSION. xxxx

Good night girls xxxxxxx

Morning girls xxx

Hi Dee , it is bound to feel weird at first . Hopefully you will get settled soon and you know that wherever you are , he is with you .

I know what you are saying Shabs but because they are still so young and as much as they know all about him they never actually knew him so I worry about putting him ahead of them in their eyes (iykwim)

I think since mum moved I have just noticed we don't get that time anymore to just concentrate on him .

Good morning all x

I know what you mean TW - this week as part of his French homework Tom had to do a family tree. You know whats coming now before I write it dont you?. It was really funny because he drew all our faces and it was very accurate. BUT he didnt put Matt and Gareth on. I mentioned to him that he should really. His reply?. 'Mum, I didn't ever get to meet them, I dont want to make you sad but we have to stand up in front of the class and read out our family tree in French. I just want to be a normal kid and if I say I have two older brothers who died they will all comment and make me feel as though I am different.' I had no idea as to what I wanted to say so, for once, I just kept my big gob shut and put the exercise book back in his bag